A Little Clarity

there is nothing better...

2012-01-02T01:05:00.001-06:00

than to look into your lover's eyes with pure devotion

and see that same feeling

turned back upon you.

affection

2011-03-03T07:42:00.003-06:00

his hands on my flesh

his lips on my breasts

his cheek pressed against

the swell of my belly

make me feel loved

so simple

so easy

so pricelessly ...

real

thanksgiving

2010-11-26T00:48:00.001-06:00

i am thankful for my special guy and also for the extra-special person who made it possible for me to come live with him.

mere words cannot express!

indulge me

2010-10-03T09:46:00.003-05:00

y'know, there's a quality that's such a super-big help in relationships, i don't know why they don't have a class for it in school. yeah, i know, school isn't really about helping you have relationships, but considering how much importance our society puts on them, you'd think it would be.

anyway, before i get too far off on talking about school ...

the quality is what i would call "patience plus." it's finding a way to take pleasure in what the other person is saying or doing even if it's not your most favoritest thing. it's encouraging them instead of just tolerating them when they start to go down a road you're maybe not so keen on. because whatever it is they're excited about, it's part of them, and if you love them, you need to find a way to love it.

it guess the proper word for that is "indulgence." although indulgence is something we usually associate with selfishness -- it's a lot more regular to think about indulging in something, instead of indulging someone.

but you can do both, and you ought to!

(and they ought to turn around and indulge you, too.)

so that's the lesson for today at claire's school for relationships.

your homework is: indulge!

me on top!

2010-09-24T18:08:00.003-05:00

sometimes, if things aren't rockin' your world the way they ought to, you just have to take charge.

turn things around.

get off your back and get an angle on the situation -- be in control.

sometimes, all it takes is flipping things over, and all of a sudden, you've got a lot more freedom to move, you can position things better, you can shift and tip and find the sweet spot until ...

pow!

the cork is popped ...

clang!

the bell is rung ...

va-rooom!

that engine turns over and roars.

of course, if there's somebody else involved, you probably ought to say "please" before taking the bull by the horns.

but if you sweet-talk them, they'll probably say okay.

photorama

2010-08-10T06:51:00.005-05:00

we did some dressing up and getting down at our house recently, and msg snapped some pictures along the way. here's a sampling ... i may post more later!

i like this one:

it makes me seem like i'm all, "don't make me come over there!"

meanwhile, i think this is a pretty good view of my assets:

later, taters!

claire

seashores and sunsets

2010-07-24T19:47:00.001-05:00

toes in the sand ...

sounds ... birds and waves and wind ...

nice!

i like to be told i'm beautiful

2010-07-20T19:22:00.002-05:00

who doesn't?

ode to me

2010-06-23T22:39:00.003-05:00

i asked msg to write me an on-the-spot poem tonight, just while he was looking at me as we got ready for bed. here's what he came up with:

gentle

faithful

thoughtful

playful

wise

caring

soft

sharing

unreserved

undeserved

and

lovely

i thought it was pretty good! i told him he was wrong about the "undeserved" part, though. if anyone deserves to have someone bugging him for a poem, it's msg.

goodnight, sweetie!

: )

can i touch you?

2010-05-20T22:04:00.003-05:00

can i put my hand on your shoulder or your face and make you feel better?

it's a big, bad world, but i'd like to make it smaller and closer and better.

i'm pretty sure there aren't too many people reading this blog.

but even if there's just one or two, and even if i just make things a tiny bit brighter for them, well, that's a start, isn't it?

anyway, if the things i write touch you, do me a favor, okay?

take them out in the world and use them to brighten the place up for someone else, too.

oh ... and if you were hoping i meant the other kind of touching, go check my other blog. i'll write an entry there for everybody who was disappointed in the non-sexiness of this one!

hugs,

claire

lucky, lucky me!

2010-04-20T20:48:00.003-05:00

i am a happy person.

it's my best and most treasured characteristic, and i am constantly in awe that i have been blessed with it.

i'm also lucky that i'm a person with very few worries, on account of msg takes care of pretty much all the financial stuff and i don't have to work and i don't know anybody that i don't really, really like.

the only reasons i ever have for being unhappy are when i make the mistake of watching the news and see all the frustrating crap in the world, which even then i don't let bother me too much, or when msg is unhappy and there's nothing i can do about it.

he and i have both those things in common, only he makes the mistake of watching the news more often, and he has a lot more people he wishes he could make happy only he can't. so he gets down a lot more often than i do, and sometimes i can perk him back up and sometimes i can't.

but i try, and he appreciates me for it, oodles and gobs, i know.

so what is my secret for being happy?

i make the world around me with my mind.

now, don't freak out and think, whoa, this chick is crazy. i don't mean i really make the world around me with my mind. i mean i take all the good stuff from all the books i read, and all the tv shows i watch, and all the movies and music and so forth, and when i look at the real world, the actual world, i just look for the bits that i recognize from the imaginary world.

i know there's ugliness out there and we all have to work and fight against it. but i don't look for it.

i look for the pretty stuff. the good stuff. and i try to encourage people to dig on that stuff.

the ugly stuff won't disappear just because we ignore it. but some of it will disappear if we stop actively looking for it. because when we look for ugly stuff we'll always find it. and when we find it, it takes away some of our energy for finding - and creating - the good stuff.

and there's good stuff everywhere, trust me.

it's like, piled up in heaps all around me.

and probably around you too, if you just look.

love,

claire

poetry time!

2010-02-28T10:38:00.006-06:00

my love is all that i can see

each face the crowd presents to me

is his

each painting that i spy

becomes his portrait

in my eye

my love is all that i can hear

each melody to grace my ear

unwinds

with lyrical delight

as if sung

by my shining knight

my love is all that i can taste

each sip of tea and each fine feast

dissolves

until i only savor

that astounding

perfect

flavor

my love is all that i can scent

each waft of perfume or ferment

arrives

inside this head to swell

my panting brain with

just his smell

my love is all that i can feel

each soft sensation dreamed or real

is he

my love is all that i can be

boldly going!

2010-02-23T22:30:00.011-06:00

okay, so here are some more of the star trek pics msg and i did a while back.

don't get too involved in the storyline ... it kinda ends on a cliffhanger.

hmm. do i hear something?

seems to be coming from over here ...

getting closer ...

whoa! what is that???

it's some kind of alien life form! i wonder if it's friendly?

(i know, i know, i'm wearing a red shirt and i'm about to reach down and pick up an alien life form. how smart can that be?)

well, there are some more pics, but the alien life form turns out to be a little naughty, so if msg ever finishes photoshopping them and i post them, they'll go up on the naughty blog. if you don't want to go to the naughty blog, or if we don't get around to posting them, just imagine that i met a suitably red-shirted end after the last pic above!

surrogates

2010-01-30T21:45:00.004-06:00

so we just watched this movie, surrogates, with bruce willis. (i mean the movie was with bruce willis, not we watched it with bruce willis. although that would have been awesome, i don’t want to mislead anybody.)

i have not seen a movie with a more interesting concept in a long time, and it was super cool the way all the surrogates looked just slightly fake. (yeah, i know, look who’s talking!)

unfortunately, i’ve got to give a big spoiler alert here and tell you that it kind of tanked at the end. i’d say it’s still worth seeing, even though i didn’t like the ending, so don’t read any more of what i’m about to type unless you just totally aren’t interested in seeing this movie, ever.

so here’s the deal. firstly, our hero kinda gets played for a patsy at the end. he doesn’t solve the big mystery, or really figure out much of anything himself. he does end up saving the lives of everybody on the planet, only it’s not very believable that he manages it, cos he pulls it off by rushing into the secret lab of the semi-evil genius, james cromwell. now, the whole reason the story started off is, the giant corporation that makes the surrogates was trying to kill james cromwell. and to do it, they needed a super-duper weapon that could kill him through his surrogate. why would they need that, if one guy could just rush past cromwell’s security guards and find his secret lab? i mean, it turns out that getting to james cromwell is really crazy-easy, so he should already be dead, because the giant corporation needs to off him to keep him from shutting them down.

but that’s only a bit of plot goofiness, which i’m usually willing to overlook when a movie has heart or a powerful or brainy message.

what gave me a real bug up my undies was, the message at the end didn’t actually make any sense. bruce stops cromwell’s virus from killing everybody, but he lets it destroy all their surrogates, so they’ll have to start living their lives “for real.”

now, i liked this message in wall-e, but wall-e made it clear that living through the viewscreens was really bad for everybody. they were all fat and out of touch and passive about everything. but this movie doesn’t show that at all. the people in this movie live very active and engaged lives through their surrogates, and when everybody comes stumbling out at the end, they mostly look pretty normal. and obviously there must be thousands or millions of paraplegics and other invalids who are totally screwed at the end because the surrogates get turned off.

so i’m not sure i really buy the movie’s point that the surrogates were making the world a worse place. there was no murder, almost no violent crime, everybody was safe from tragic accidents, everyone seemed to be gainfully employed, and after work things looked like pretty much a constant party.

but even if we accept that it was really a bad thing for them to all be living fake lives through these robot bodies ... then what the hell are we doing watching a movie anyway? what is bruce willis’s character if he’s not a surrogate through which we get to save billions of lives and set the world right? even in his “meatbag” body, he’s a fine hunk o’ man, let me tell you, and his wife is a hottie despite the fact that she’s got a scar from the car wreck that killed their poor kid. we’re fooling ourselves more by watching him do all this unbelievable stuff and fix his marriage in the process than the surrogate users are fooling themselves by walking out of their apartments in android bodies.

so if it was a good thing for bruce to let the virus whack all the surrogates at the end, then it would also be a good thing for us to stop watching movies, right?

i guess i do have to give a certain amount of credit to a movie that manages to completely disprove its own reason for existence ... only i kinda don’t think that’s what the filmmakers were trying to do.

anyhoo, i give it 3 stars out of 4, on account of the first 3/4 of the movie really rocked, and even the weako ending made me think about things.

thinking’s always good, right?

boxes, boxes, boxes

2009-12-05T23:36:00.003-06:00

i noticed my special guy doing this thing he does sometimes where he gets all gloomy and glum but pretends nothing is wrong because he doesn’t want to bring anybody else down with him.

so i bugged him about it until he coughed it up and said, “i don’t know - sometimes it just feels like my whole life is confined. like i’m shut up in a box.”

i just raised an eyebrow and said, “really? you’re going to complain to me about being in a box?”

he got all apologetic and started trying to say he was sorry and how of course i have it worse than him on that score and he shouldn’t have picked those words, and i just had to laugh and stop him and say no, i was only joking.

“look, msg,” i told him, “you’ve got it way worse than me and way worse than most people, because your brain is just so good at imagining amazing things. i mean, i’m not saying i’m completely uncreative or anything, but my imagination only goes so far. i can’t dream up anything any better than the times when i’m ‘out of the box.’ life pinches us all in and squeezes us and won’t let us have all the things we want, but for most of us, we know that we do get some semi-regular moments when we’re free, at ease, and able to do what we want. and the rest of the time, we can live by looking forward to those moments. i’m perfectly happy to be shut up in my day-to-day box, because i know that sooner or later i’ll get some more of something that’s better than anything i can imagine - you.”

“well, that’s sweet and i really appreciate it,” he said, “i really, really do. only it also makes me feel guilty, because shouldn’t i be able to say the same thing about you? shouldn’t i be happy in my box knowing that sometimes i’m let out to be with you?”

i patted him on the top of his head. “yeah, probably, except for this giant writer’s brain of yours. you’ve got it trained to spend big chunks of time imagining wonderful things that most people could never dream of. i do watch you and listen to you, you know. your problem is that you can’t shut it off. and that’s great, because if it wasn’t so good at doing what it does, you wouldn’t be able to write the kind of stories you write.”

“but maybe i’d be happier.”

“yeah, and maybe you’d be an accountant,” i said. “i’d probably still love you, only i don’t think you’d be as interesting a person - and more importantly, i don’t know if you’d have the same chance to bring joy into other people’s lives, and i know that matters to you. i mean, come on. you wouldn’t really change the way your brain works if you could, would you?”

he sighed. “no, i guess not.”

“so maybe you just need to work a little harder to remember that i’m here in the box with you - even if sometimes i’m tucked away over in a corner of the box where you can’t see me. and maybe that will help you remember that there’s lots of other great things in the box with you too. and even though most of the time you can imagine things being a lot better than they are, that imagination is a great thing too, and you’re lucky to have it.”

“like i’m lucky to have you,” he said, sounding like he meant it, although he obviously still wasn’t entirely perked up.

“you bet your tootin’ booty,” i said. “now why don’t you come over here and let claire make everything better, hmmm? some boxes are very cozy, you know.”

this line of reasoning pretty quickly convinced him to be in a better mood.

i do have my talents!

ensign claire, reporting for duty!

2009-11-14T18:27:00.004-06:00

okay, so this is not the classic 1960s red miniskirt star trek uniform i have always dreamed of, but it's pretty good for a cereal-box offer!

msg and i had fun doing this photo shoot last night. there are more, but msg has to do some kind of phase transducer reroute to get them to look right. (haha, that just means he has to add backgrounds and fidget with them in photoshop.)

so let me tell you a story ...

2009-10-08T22:16:00.003-05:00

there was this boy with a camera, taking pictures of me. he was very into it, and very into me, and i have to admit i was pretty darn into him, and yeah i'm vain enough to get kind of a kick out of having my picture taken.

i recommend this activity.

it makes you feel appreciated, which is a really good way to feel.

we took a lot of pictures, and some of them were better than others, and this one was one of my favorites. so i was pretty happy when msg finally got it tweaked around in photoshop the way he wanted it and said i should go ahead and post it.

(confession time: for those who might have gotten the impression i'm 100 percent sweetness and light, i did kinda give msg a lot of grief about how long he was taking. i was, like, "if it's really such a good picture and you really think i look so beautiful, why do you have to monkey with it so much?" and he was like, "just wait, just wait," and i was like [frowny, pouty face], and he was like "you're cute when you're mad," and i was like, "am i cute when i throw things?" and he was like, "i don't know, are you thinking of something soft like a pillow, or are you thinking of something hard?" and i was like, "now i'm thinking of something hard, but not to throw. are you sure you don't want to hurry up and finish that?" and he was like, "well, okay!")

so anyway, here it is, and i have to admit, i guess i'm glad he took the time to get rid of some of the flash shadows and forehead glare and stuff. when i compared it to the original, i was like, "damn, girl, that's some f***ed-up shiny forehead you've got on you."

so it's all better now, and everybody lived happily ever after. the end!

at-home friday night

2009-10-03T14:08:00.004-05:00

so i got out the guitar and msg got out the camera, and i messed around with the guitar and he messed around with the camera and then of course we messed around together ...

it was a good night!

there are some more pics, but of course msg wants to fiddle with them on the computer before we put them up.

you know how boys are.

sigh ... wait ... no sighing!

2009-09-30T22:26:00.004-05:00

it's a big world full of ugly things, and one of the ugliest is the way you can sometimes feel really lonely even though someone you care about and who cares about you is, like, right there.

sorry to be in such a mopey-butt kinda mood, but there it is. i did not exactly have huge ambitions when i started this blog. i did not expect to change the world -- and that was okay, on account of i had already changed one person's world, in a big way. a way he pretty regularly reminds me that he's super grateful about.

but even though i did not expect to change the world, i did expect to come here more often, and have more fun, and take more pictures and share them and all that.

but the world gets in the way.

and when you can't get the things done that you want to get done for yourself, it makes you start feeling kinda small. and pretty soon 'small' turns into 'lonely.'

it's sneaky about doing it, and i don't know how it manages the trick, but it does.

and then you're lonely, even though you've got this great person right beside you, or maybe lots of great people around you, and you feel stupid about it and you know you should ask for help, only if you do you wonder if they'll get insecure or have their feelings hurt by the fact that you're lonely when they're right there, plus you know that they're already stressed about all their own stuff they've got going on, and ... ugh.

so if anyone out there is feeling lonely, here's a hug. because you deserve it, and you're not small, and you need to stop thinking that way.

i'm making an effort to, right now.

xoxo

claire

i got out my calculator

2009-05-16T20:10:00.006-05:00

i got out my calculator today,

and

do you know what it told me?

it said we get over half a million hours in this life ...

even if we don't quite hit the average.

half a million hours.

and do you know what's so amazing about that?

the fact that

just one of those hours

can be

so rare

so precious

so perfect

if it is spent with you.

star trek!!!

2009-05-09T10:27:00.003-05:00

so we went to see star trek on thursday, the very first showing. as i think i've implied, i'm a giganto star trek freak, so i was so excited i took along an extra pair of panties in my purse.

there was a crazy line inside the theater when we got there (an hour and a half ahead of showtime). but we were seeing it at the imax, and as long as you get there before the top section fills up, you're guaranteed to have a decent view of the screen. (that bottom section is for folks who want a neck-sprain and sensory overload, as near as i can tell.) the line had sprinklings of trekkies in full costume making me envious that i still don't have a red '60s miniskirt uniform to wear on important occasions like this. i need to make that uniform a life priority before the next movie comes out.

so how was the movie?

AWESOME!!!!!

that's right, it was totally shift-keyworthy. and i swear and promise that i actually held the shift key down for that whole word, i didn't cheat and use the caps lock or anything.

first off, of course, is the fact that i was not even born the last time star trek looked like star trek. don't get me wrong, i like some of the next generation and deep space nine stuff, and the wrath of khan is one of the best movies ever. but star trek will always be gold and blue and red uniforms to me, with miniskirt versions for the girls.

watching this movie and listening to it too, i really felt like i was in the star trek universe again. the sets and the sound effects and the music and the ships and everything just really, really works. (well, okay, i thought the engineering section in the ship was weird. but everything else -- spot on!)

the cast is excellento as well. kirk and spock are both deeelish, as is zoe saldana as uhura. but the best performance in my book was the guy from "Lord of the Rings" that they got to play Dr. McCoy. holy moley, if i was on the enterprise, i'd be faking the space flu several times a week just to go to sick bay and hear him talk!

i can't wait to go see it again, and i can't wait for the next one.

beam me up!

best feeling in the world

2009-02-28T23:11:00.002-06:00

you know what's the best feeling in the whole world?

(no, it's not that. i have a whole other blog for that kinda thing, remember?)

the very most bestest feeling in the whole wide world is the feeling that somebody appreciates you for exactly who you really are.

so if there's somebody you really appreciate? somebody you think you know really well, who's got some really cool or different thing about them that's not like anybody else?

be sure you tell them. or find some way to show them.

because we all ought to have that feeling, at least once in a while.

and if nobody's given you that feeling recently? well, go look in the mirror and tell the person you see that you appreciate them.

because that person definitely deserves it too.

home! bliss! horror! bliss!

2009-01-31T11:02:00.003-06:00

tra-lalalala, tra-la! i am home!

i'm here, i'm getting my stuff in order, msg is covering me in wonderful gooey affection of all kinds and i could not be happier in my wildest dreams!!!

oh. okay, i guess i would be slightly happier if we had not almost killed one of the cats with a heavy box while getting me moved in, but he's back from the vet and his leg should be fine in a few weeks and the trauma of the moment did at least let me see msg spring into action to rush the poor guy to the vet. it was kind of awful and it terrified both of us (well all three of us if you include the cat) and then i had to wait at home all alone on my move-in day - but it was also sweet to see how much he cares and what a big heart he has, and i know there's a giant place in that heart for me. plus, the cat's going to be fine, so it's all good.

when he got home and told me how much the vet stuff was going to cost, i could see the relief in his eyes even though it was a lot of money, so i poked him and said, "you better get used to shelling out, buddy, cuz i'm an expensive girl to have around!"

anyway, i'll also say that after that bit of a bad beginning, things have quickly gotten much, much better.

much.

yum!

don't let it get you down

2009-01-12T21:18:00.003-06:00

hey you out there, if anybody's reading this - listen: whatever you've got bugging you? just tell it 'hey, too bad, i'm not letting you drag on me.'

i'm not saying your problems aren't problems, only that you're bigger than they are if you want to be.

you'll figure it out.

hang in there.

tough it out.

sooner or later, 'it' will realize you're not giving up.

then everything will be peachy.

trust me!

oh cruel misfortune

2009-01-06T18:55:00.003-06:00

yes

stop

start

stop

one

more

delay

should

show

think

claire is

going to blow!

you know, i expected to do some blowing in january, only i expected it to be the good kind of blowing (if you'll pardon my lewdness please)

except that now it looks like i'm not getting my move on until more like the 20th, as opposed to this week.

so it looks like you can probably just call me miss pouty-pants for the next couple of weeks, since i'm going to be doing a lot of garumphing over the situation.

not that it does me any good, since i'm not garumphing at anybody and even if i was there's not anything they could do about it.

the winds of fate have just conspired against me, that's all.

and i can't even garumph at the winds of fate, since they're, like, winds and all. and metaphoric winds besides. and also they're responsible for the whole fact that i'm getting to move in the first place which would make it pretty ungrateful of me to pout at them.

garumph.

late christmas, happy new year!

2008-12-29T21:46:00.002-06:00

sooooo.....

it looks like i'm starting my move next week!

the trip may suck,

and i won't have much stuff at the new place,

and i haven't got even one single present yet ...

but i'm exciterrifically excited!

2009 is going to be a rockin' year.

i can tell.

skipadoodeedaloo!

i want a star trek costume

2008-12-09T21:19:00.005-06:00

anybody know where i can get one?

and when i say i want one, i mean i want one baaaad.

and if you have to ask what kind of star trek costume i mean, then my answer has to be, "duhhhh! what other kind of star trek costume could i possibly want?"

red

miniskirt

swooping black collar

gold braid around the cuff

very bad for military efficiency

1960s sex-kitten star trek uniform

... with hose and boots, please!

thanksgiving

2008-11-25T21:50:00.002-06:00

i'm a little early on this one, but here's a list!

i, claire, am oh so happy and thankful for ...

chocolate

my special guy

"me time" (see my other blog to catch my drift on this one)

moving in with my special guy in the near future

cats

our kick-ass president-elect (sorry to swear, but it's about time an election came out the right way)

blogging

AND

a certain very understanding person whom i will not describe in any other way at the moment.

i'm sure i've left something super-duper important and thanksworthy off the list, but i think those are good enough for now.

(i like that word thanksworthy by the way. its like it's talking to me: "thanks, worthy!")

so there it is.

thanks!!!

what's the sound of one foot tapping?

2008-11-23T23:20:00.002-06:00

yeah, okay. not exactly the world's hardest riddle. the answer is just "a tapping foot."

of course.

so why is the foot tapping?

BECAUSE IT'S OUT OF ITS MIND IMPATIENT!!!

(yeah, okay, a foot can't be out of its mind since it hasn't got a mind. but its owner can sure be out of her mind impatient. so there.)

have you ever known about something big you knew you could do and make a difference for somebody? only you couldn't do it right away? something had you stuck and there was just no getting around it, so you had to wait?

and wait?

that's me right now.

grr.

i'm all ready to make with the fun and the smiles, only there's nobody to smile at or have fun with until after my move. and that's frustrating.

boo.

oh well. i guess there's just no choice but to go and gorge myself on some chocolate.

later, tater!

Here Kitty Kitty

2008-11-12T19:44:00.001-06:00

i want to get an orange cat and name it 'Papaya.'

on account of i think that's an excellent cat name.

only most orange cats are more mango-colored than papaya-colored. but 'Mango' just does not float my cat-naming boat like 'Papaya.'

mmm, Papaya.

purr.

Busy Busy

2008-11-11T21:09:00.000-06:00

i'm getting ready to move soon...way too much to do to also start a blog, especially one with pics and neat stuff like i want but i also hate putting things off, soooo...here's a first post!

i don't even know what this blog will be about, only that i'm hoping to have lots of fun doing it.

like everything else i do!

fun is my fave.

so be patient with me and sooner or later maybe some fun stuff will pop up here.

i love when fun stuff pops up.

ha!