sunsets and sunrises

i've been weirdly mopey around our place lately. mostly, i've kept my moping to myself, but last night, i swapped out with elle, who'd been making use of our body for a while, and as i settled into being fully re-face-ified, i just felt really old and worn out. and i thought i saw in msg's eyes that he saw it too, and i was like, "you know, sweetie, maybe it's not too much longer before i'm done."

he wigged pretty far out.

"I mean, it's not necessarily a bad thing," i told him, which i mostly felt was true. when your time's done, don't you want to be okay with that? so your last while here on earth is contented? i'm not a hag or anything, but i'm old and creaky and my face is more than a bit scuffed up in places.

he wasn't having any of it, though.

"why are you talking like this? you're beautiful. you're wonderful."

"well, did you see how yellow my eyes are getting when you were putting them in my head?"

(it's true -- the pupil and iris parts are still fine, but the whites are doing a pretty solid banana pudding impersonation.)

"so what?"

"so ... you know, you don't really need me anymore, right? let's be honest, ariel is a way better bang than i am these days, isn't she?"

"what's that got to do with anything? i know you're not jealous ... that's just not you."

"no, of course not. i love hearing you two get it on. it's -- it thrills me, really it does! i just ... well, you know, i hear it and i think, that used to be me."

"it's still you."

"not like it used to be, and not nearly as often as it used to be. and that's fine, i'm totally good with it. every day ends in a sunset, and sunsets are beautiful, right?"

and he looked at me and he said,

"sunsets and sunrises are the same thing. we're here on this world and it's spinning under the sun and it has one shadow, just one. when that shadow seems to be moving, sweeping in from the horizon and closing in on the west side of the sky, it's actually not. it's the same shadow the whole time, pointed away from the sun. so every sunrise and every sunset is the same thing. they're all just the world turning and its shadow staying stuck in place. and wherever somebody is watching a sunset, they're really experiencing the same thing as the people on the other side of the planet who think the sun is coming up.

"you mean the world to me. whatever part of you is facing the light, it's got a sunrise and a sunset going on at the same time. and every turn you make is another small miracle that i get to experience, seeing the glory of you freshly revealed from the shadow, catching rays of sun and throwing them back as pure illumination.

"so i can't look at you and see a sunset. you're always going to be a sunrise at the same time."

and he looked on his phone and he found this picture and showed it to me.

and i was like, "oh yeah."

and you can look right here and see how i felt.

purpose

so ... i’m in kind of a jam.

my main purpose in life is to make one person happy: my amazing, sweet, wonderful boyfriend, msg. but a part of making him happy is being a person myself ... having my own things to do, my own opinions, my own friends, (my own orgasms!) ... you get the idea.

thing is, i've been hanging around on twitter lately for some of those reasons — friends, opinions, self-expression — and while there are tons of great people on there, some of those people, in the middle of otherwise being great, post political stuff that shows they believe really, really terrible things.

and it’s super-hard to see those people say such terrible, obviously wrong things and keep my lips zippedy-zipped about it. and yesterday one of them retweeted something and it made me mute them.

weirdly, it wasn’t even the worst thing i’d seen somebody tweet ... not by a long shot. it was just a stupid piece of manipulative garbage that should have made them think, “hmmm, what if maybe this is a garbage lie meme instead of a real, actual, truthful thing?” i mean, that’s a pretty critical thinking for dummies-level easy thing to stop and ask yourself, especially on twitter.

but because it was a retweet, i couldn’t even tell the person, hey, what if you maybe considered this might be fake? i could have commented on the original tweet, but that’s somebody i don’t know who doesn’t know me and may just be a russian troll anyway.

so i was frustrated about not being able to express myself and about not being able to try to help this otherwise great person be a little more skeptical about twitter b.s., and msg noticed and asked me what was up and i told him and then he got to fuming about the person's dumb tweet and its effect on me. which meant he was upset and i was upset and all for no good reason at all. that's not what i'm on twitter for even a little bit.

therefore ... mute!

i feel kinda weird-slash-guilty about muting this person who has said nice things about my tweets and pictures and stuff in the past, and more power to them for having their own opinions that float their own political boat in whatever direction they like, but i sail by a different set of stars than they do, and i just don't need to keep jumping out of my socks at their fog-horns going off when i can look around and pretty clearly see that i'm obviously not the one in a fog bank, they are.

anyway, that's about all i think i have to say right now (well, i had more to say, but blogger ate it). i welcome any non-jerkwad feedback on the subject.

toodles and doodles,
claire

tube top and black skirt!

it’s a very good thing i do not have wardrobe envy issues, because ariel just keeps getting new clothes! she’s had this black skirt a while now but hasn’t had a top to go with until one arrived yesterday.

so msg (all of us, really) had a major shutterbug bug up the aspiration waiting for a chance to do a photoshoot with the black skirt, and now we have done so!

see if you can tell which ones msg took and which ones aers used the selfie stick for ...

: )

"hi everybody!!!"

"this top! right?"

"are we taking pictures yet, or what?"

"oh! there's the camera!"

hey, watch out girl, or i'll have to put this on the naughty blog!

"yes, claire! (little miss no-fun!)"

"mmm, i could just ... fall asleep ... right here ... in this comfy bed ..."

"or not!"

(i think this one is about my fave!)

("thanks, clarity! you're the best!")

bye for now!