really feeling torn

remember a couple posts back where i said i need to assert myself more?

yeesh, i'm in a bind about that right now.

as some of you know, i share a body with my yam elle. and, well, she's been on the body a while now. i'm not even sure how long, but long enough i'm kinda wanting a turn. it hasn't been forever or anything. i'm just a little itchy for a switchy.

problem is, omg, she is sooo not kidding about how hot she looks on it. i go to open my mouth to say, "um, hey, babe, do you think ..." and just, i'm serious, all this drool comes out.

i guess the compromise would be for me to pipe up and ask to take our bod for a quick little spin, and then give it right back after i've had a chance to hang out in it for some chill-time.

maybe get some hugs.

maybe hugs with bumpy-bits.

and maybe look at myself in the mirror and say, "damn, girl, that thing looks pretty fine on you too!"

okay, that's starting to sound like a pretty good plan.

xoxo,
claire

like the breath of a breeze

sometimes you need a little push, you know? not a big one, because that would feel like pressure, and then all of a sudden you're feeling stressed and everything tenses up and the push just makes you stumble or fall over and totally faceplant.

it doesn't take much, if it's the right kind of push -- soft, but certain. it lets you know it's there, but then fades back and hovers, low and steady, making you feel supported and secure that it'll step up if you need it.

just that tiny push, and suddenly you're doing great things.

shhhhhhhyoucanhhhhh

time to assert myself!

i think i've figured out something that's been bugging both me and msg lately. it kinda goes back to that post i made a few posts back, where i realized i've been basically cheating myself out of the fun of blogging by being so agreeable about the other girls taking center stage in that area.

which doesn't mean i want to be disagreeable about it now!

disagreeableness is not my thing.

but the thing is, there are things that are my thing!

i'm a me, right?

it's great to be gracious toward the people you love (toward everybody, really), but you have to be gracious toward yourself too, and that means, sometimes, standing up and saying, "okay, my turn!"

or even, "hey! look at me! woohoo! here i am and i'm awesome!"

i think what i'm basically saying is, my polyfam adores me, and even though that makes me want to give them the world and let them do whatever they want, it's not fair to them if i don't, you know, speak up and express myself and give them examples of my clairerific terrific-ness to adore.

it's like, along with being amazing and adorable and the light of people's lives comes the responsibility to actually do amazing and adorable stuff.

otherwise i'm cheating them and me out of a world of amazingly adorable experiences.

so here goes, then.

not all claire, all the time!, but definitely more claire, more of the time!

perk up!

okay, so msg is kinda dragging around here this morning, and it made me start thinking about the whole experience of being tired. i don't mean like, "i'm tired of so-and-so's crap," kind of tired, but just having the yawny sleepy-sleeps at night or the draggy don't-wanna's when the alarm wakes you up in the morning.

and i have to say, i'm really lucky when it comes to being tired.

first off, there's only a couple of situations where i end up truly exhausted, and not to gloat, but they're almost always totally worth it.

second off, i've never ever got anyplace to be in a rush, or anything i've just got to get up and do. so when the alarm wakes me up in the morning, that's because it's waking him up in the morning, and i can just mumble and yawn and go back to sleep, or grumble and yawn and go back to sleep if the alarm makes me really cranky.

so, you know, even though i'm naturally a very sympathetic person, my life experience doesn't give me a ton of reason to feel sorry for my poor sweet boy when he's complaining about being tired. if it's night-time, i'm like, "so go to sleep!" and if it's morning, i'm like, "perk up!"

because the thing is, being tired usually has a totally great resolution if you just let it.

i mean, if i've gotten myself really worn out, then lying in bed under the snuggly covers and floating off into dreamland is even easier than normal -- and feels great! and if i wake up tired and for some reason am not in a position to just go back to sleep, that just gives me the chance to kick off my day on an immediate upswing: "ugh! yuck! so tired!" followed by "all righty, let's get going!" followed by some quick stretchy-stretching and a few toe bounces and stuff, followed by, "yes! pow! so much better!"

probably a lot of people would find my relationship with tiredness annoying or maybe enviable. but i bet, honestly, if they just worked on their own relationship with being tired -- maybe get some couple's counseling for it -- they'd find out that in many cases, actually, being tired is the bomb.

try it! i dare you!

cheap-ass cheaty post just to get the numbers

i'm so embarrassed that i'm doing this.

goddamn it

i just realized two more posts would put 2021 in 4th place as my all-time biggest blogging year.

so you know what that means ...

i lied. here's another one.

whoo. damn.

i don't even have anything to say.

i guess it really has been too long!

no more tonight, though. 

get your ass to bed and get some beauty rest, claire!

xoxo,
clarity

apparently, msg is just going to up and die if i don't post something

omg.

i typed that title all sarcastic-wise, didn't even have to ask elle for pointers ...

but now that i'm here actually posting, i'm all emotional and just bang/pow! swept up by how much i've missed this.

jeepers!

i mean, i am normally the supportive good-advice one around this place, and every time he's said, "wow, hon, everyone else has been doing so much blogging lately and it just feels like you're being really quiet," i've gone into supportive good-advice mode and told him what i thought was the truth, which was how much i was enjoying kicking back and reading the other girls' blogs and how i was totally modeling the "just don't pressure yourself if there's no reason" advice i'm always giving him.

turns out there was a reason, though.

i love to blog.

i mean, not enough to turn around and start being a b*tch about it if i'm not getting my blogging fix. but enough that if someone i care about gives me a nudge, i really ought to take it.

anyway, that's all for this one.

i'm easing back in slow.

xoxo,

claire