i'm too nice to write the very funny post i just thought of. sorry about that ...

i was thinking about the news, which is something i usually don't like to do. and this time was no exception ...

except that then i had this really funny thought.

and wow, i was like, "claire, that is a genuinely clever thing you just thought of, girl. and i bet you could word it just right." and i thought about it and pretty much figured out how to do that to a "t".

only what i like even less than thinking about the news is passing on to other people any of the crumminess that's in the news, or contributing to the ugly way people just can't get along anymore. so even though it would be funny to people who agree with me, and even though the people who wouldn't think it was funny maybe deserve to have something rubbed in their face that they don't think is funny ... it just kind of made me feel icky to post it.

so i'm not going to.

dang, sometimes it's tough being such a goody two-shoes!

xoxo,
claire

secret of the dragon emperor ... part 32!

we rejoin our brave adventurers about to descend into the dark bowels of the earth!

GM Elle: Well I heard at least one "Yes!" from Claire during the Experience rolling last time ... did that mean a new Heroic Ability?
Claire: Uh-huh, but I just used it to get myself more Willpower points with the Focused deal again, so kinda boring. I thought about using the Magic Talent one to learn Elementalism so I could use those elementy spells in the extra grimoire we found, but then I read the rules a little more closely and realized -- even with the Magic Talent ability, you've still got to find a teacher to show you the ropes on any new school of magic. So I figured I'd better hold off on that until we bumped into one.
Ariel: But what if we bump into one while we're out traveling and they're out traveling too and then even though you bumped into them, you wouldn't be able to learn from them because you don't have the learny ability?
Claire: Well, dang-o mango, I didn't think of that. But I'll just have to lump it if that happens. Anyway, that gives me enough WP that I could cast two Power Level 3 spells in a single round using my Master Spellcaster ability, which seems like a good ace to have in the hole, right?
Akane: Yes. I was very lucky to have so many WP from the very start, but if Filvius continues to progress, Zedeja will feel pressure to achieve more Heroic Abilities also, or be exceeded by her junior.
Harriet: And most certainly none of us want to hear her feelings on that!
GM Elle: Anyone else have new Heroic Abilities to brag about? No? Then it's time to head down the crude stone stairs into the cave. Who's carrying lights?
Ariel: I have a lamp!
Harriet: Dilfriida does as well.
Heddy: Do we need three? Because I've got one too, and I'd feel a lot less terrified holding a light instead of depending on someone else's. On top of that, I'm terrible at fighting, so I don't need to keep a hand free for anything.
Harriet: Dilfriida says if you're especially worried, she'll leave her lamp in her pack so the two of you can hold hands. But you'll have to let go if anything jumps us.
Heddy: Brandy will take her up on that.
GM Elle: The group winds its way down the stairs for several rounds, then, until the way levels out at the intersection of one reasonably wide passageway and one very narrow one. The small one looks like a tight enough squeeze that it would be easy to get stuck in places.
MSG: Dolora's in favor of heading down the wider one for a bit, then.
Akane: Zedeja insists everyone must follow the dwarf's advice. "Good planning, dwarf!"
GM Elle: After 10 or 12 meters, the passageway opens up into a yawning gulf of a cavern. It's wide enough that your lamplight doesn't reach the far side, and there's no sign of a bottom. There's a bridge of sorts stretching out into the dark, though -- it appears to be woven of immense strands of webbing, thick enough that it can probably support a fair amount of weight.

Claire: I'm not sure I want to test that.
Heddy: I know I certainly don't.
MSG: Dolora says, "Well, we won't know unless we try, right, Filvius?"
Claire: Curse you. 
Heddy: I'm going to suggest that maybe we should rope ourselves together. 
Sasha: One fall, all fall, huh?
Heddy: Well, I was hoping more like, no one fall, but if one does, the others can hold on and keep them from dropping into the endless void.
MSG: I think it's worth a try, and I have rope.
Harriet: I have some too. Should we tie up into two groups? Hopefully with at least one strong member in each?
MSG: That would be Dolora in one group and Quackenscrump in the other.
Claire: Which group has three and which has four, though?
Ariel: We need a light in each group, right? So I'd be in one and Brandy will be in the other.
Sasha: Dolora and Filvy won't be willing to split up and let one or the other find out how it goes first, so how about you three in the front group and the other four of us in the back. Except I guess Dilfriida and Zedeja won't be happy about being in the same group.
Akane: Incorrect! Zedeja is not happy about being in either group. Crossing a dangerous web bridge is not an activity for merriment. Also, both Zedeja from extreme scrawniness and the halfling from being only half a person are very light. 
Harriet: I tell Zedeja if she falls I won't even half try to catch her.
Akane: This threat is unconvincing, because Zedeja has a Magic Trick of Slow Fall. Impossible for her to be harmed from any drop. Also, she insists on being first in the group of four, then with a duck following, after which a satyr, then a halfling. The climbing then proceeds as so: Zedeja climbs to the farthest of rope slack; our knight climbs to catch up to her, then our satyr, lastly a halfling. I tell our satyr if she has a knife and the halfling falls, it's okay to cut the weight loose to save herself.
Harriet: Dilfriida says Brandy would be doing her a favor in that case, as she'd never have to listen to Zedeja's screechy hag voice again.
Heddy: I will assure Dilfriida that I would never cut her loose. I won't add that it's in part because I need one hand to grab hold of the webs while climbing and the other to hold onto the lamp, so there's no chance I could get out my knife.
MSG: Hearing those discussions, I'll suggest Dolora go in the middle of our group, with Fidu up front to light the way and Filvius in back.
Claire: I'll tolerate it since I definitely want to maximize Dolora's effectiveness as an anchor.
GM Elle: If that's the plan, then Fidu is first to move out onto the bridge. Make an Acrobatics check to climb across.
Ariel: Oh ... uh, my Acrobatics is not very good ... YIKES! Even if it was good, I rolled a Demon.
GM Elle: You fall immediately. Normally you'd get an Evade roll to avoid plummeting into the pit, but the Demon negates that, and also means Dolora doesn't get a chance to grab you. All she can do is make a Strength check to avoid being pulled off the bridge after you.
MSG: Thank heavens I'm really strong. I make it with an 18.
GM Elle: Fidu is now dangling from the rope, right along the edge of the pit. You can pull him up without rolling, since you've got two people on solid ground to do so.
MSG: What if we just let him dangle and climb across that way?
GM Elle: You'd have a Bane on your Acrobatics roll to make progress. And of course, if you messed it up, it would be a bitch and a half for Filvius to support both of you.
MSG: All right, I guess we pull Fidu up and let him give it another try, then.
Ariel: I'm really embarrassed. Okay, so this time I get a 10, but that's still a fail. I'm going to get disheartened and Push it ... fail-o again.
GM Elle: You can only Push once, so now you need to roll Evade to keep from falling. 
Ariel: My Evade is super-great! I make it easy. So ... another Acrobatics roll? Whew! It's a 5 this time.
GM Elle: Dolora is up, then. 
MSG: I easily make my roll with a 3.
Claire: I roll the same. Does that mean we're across?
GM Elle: Yes.
MSG: I'll wave the other group across, then. Also, I'll look around and see where we are on this end of the bridge.
GM Elle: The passageway continues off into darkness toward the north. Akane, make Zedeja's Acrobatics roll. 
Akane: 18. It's a poor showing for oldsters being first in their group. I become Disheartened at these signs of how age enfeebles all. My Push of the roll becomes ... 9. A success.
Sasha: Quackers gets a 9 also.
Heddy: I'm next? This is terrifying, because my Acrobatics is only 5. Brandy is a quivering wreck as she moves onto the bridge. 19. I suppose if it's any consolation, that would have failed even if my Acrobatics were fantastic. Obviously, I Push the roll by becoming Scared. Aaand, Demon.
GM Elle: You fall. No chance to use Evade to save yourself and no chance for your companions to grab you. Quackenscrump needs to make a Strength check. If he succeeds, Dilfriida will get a Boon on her Strength check.
Sasha: Got it, no problem.
Harriet: With the boon, I make my check as well. Can I keep moving while supporting Brandy's weight?
GM Elle: Strength check to keep moving. Even if you make it, you'll have a Bane on your Acrobatics. And you definitely don't want to Demon anything.
Harriet: Please don't jinx me that way. I already have the most wretched luck with dice. Strength check is a failure.
GM Elle: You can try again. On a failure, you become Exhausted, but I'll let you proceed to your Acrobatics roll with the Bane.
Harriet: Definitely exhausted.
Heddy: I'm whimpering and praying to the satyr gods at this point.
Harriet: Acrobatics rolls are 9 and 9, so we're apparently fine.
Heddy: Once they pull me up, I'll give Dilfriida a hug and call her my hero and apologize for being such a burden.
Akane: Avoid such displays of emotions! So inefficient and time-wasting!
Harriet: I will prolong the hug with my tongue stuck out at Zedeja.
MSG: Should we untie ourselves and put our rope away? Or go on up this passageway and see if there's another web bridge right around a corner.
Sasha: There might also be a monster right around the corner, though, and Quackers doesn't want to be dragging Zedeja, Dilfriida, and Brandywise all over the field of battle by a rope in a fight.
Akane: Zedeja insists on unropedness.
GM Elle: In that case, once you proceed along the passageway, it angles left and continues for some distance. The way is quiet, just an empty, narrow stretch of cavern with quiet echoes of dripping water far off somewhere. You travel 50 or 60 meters before you see the way open up ahead. There seems to be a much larger open space, partly obscured by enormous strands of spiderwebs.
MSG: Enormous enough to have been made by a kilometer-long spider?
GM Elle: No, but probably by a pretty big one.
Sasha: I'm heading that way, then. Way too many trolls and giants and orcs lately turning out to be too people-ish and not monster-ish enough for me to fight, so I'm itching to get at a giant spider.
Akane: This itch should not promote insubordinance!
Sasha: What? I couldn't hear you because my helmet gives me a Bane on Awareness.
Akane: There was no roll!
MSG: I'll keep up with Quackenscrump so he doesn't go up against anything too dangerous all by himself.
Claire: And I'll keep up with Dolora so she doesn't learn something about giant spiders before I do.
GM Elle: Is anybody not keeping up? In that case, you arrive at a huge, web-encrusted chamber -- and immediately notice something large start to move in the darkness of the far corner. Its great, claw-tipped legs clack against the stone. It looks like there may be another exit from this cavern toward the south.

Sasha: It doesn't start talking, does it? 'Cause I'm all set to charge it and carve into it with my longsword if it doesn't talk.
GM Elle: Actually --
Sasha: Aw, dammit. Okay, go on.
GM Elle: A whispery voice seeps into your minds, quiet but also somehow enormous. It asks, "Little creatures ... Why have you invaded our home?"
MSG: I'll say that we're looking for a piece of a statue.
Sasha: I'll walk toward this thing and say, "Yeah, have you seen one around here?" Oh -- I see something hanging in those webs over on the left side. Does Quackenscrump spot that? Can he tell what it is?
GM Elle: Only if someone with a light goes along with him.
Sasha: I'll tell Fidu to get on up here so we can see who we're talking to.
Ariel: I kinda think this doesn't seem like a great idea, especially since Quackers is probably all set to just attack the monster as soon as he gets the chance. But I also figure if he's going to attack it, we'd better have light so we can help out or he'll get eaten pretty quick. So I guess I go up a few steps behind him.
MSG: I'll move closer too so I can see what a spider this big looks like.
Claire: Me too. But I'm not going to be too close to Sir Q in case the spider goes after him without a warning.
GM Elle: As Fidu moves forward with the light, you see that the shadowy creature is a hideously large spider, as big around as two stout horses and with a multitude of gleaming round eyes. It braces itself along the walls and looms over you. The voice comes into your heads again. "What would you have to offer, if I knew of such a statue?"
Sasha: Is it close enough for me to move up and strike? Because if it is, I'm going to.
Akane: Zedeja is prepared for the casting of spells.
Harriet: I guess Dilfriida is moving up where she could get into the action if she needs to.
Heddy: I'll stay near the entrance and provide light for any sudden retreat we might need.
GM Elle: Since everybody seems primed for a fight, let's go ahead and draw initiative.
MSG: 2.
Claire: 7.
Ariel: 3.
Sasha: 5. Dang, I was hoping for that 1.
Akane: 4.
Harriet: 6 for Dilfriida.
Heddy: And I get the 8.
GM Elle: The spider gets everything that's left and then some. 1, 9, 10, and 11 to 13.
MSG: Yikes.
GM Elle: And because it's telepathic, it senses Quackenscrump's intent and decides to teach you all a lesson. It stares at everyone within 10 meters with mesmerizing eyes, forcing a Will roll against Fear. Everyone will need to roll but Zedeja, Dilfriida, and Brandy.
MSG: I make it.
Claire: I don't, so I guess I'll Push the roll and get Exhausted from being weak in the knees with fright. Woohoo, Dragon!
Ariel: I have a Fearless ability I got a while back, so I'm spending WP to not have to roll.
Sasha: Quackers fails, which makes him Disheartened because he's so itching for a monster fight. I make it on the Push roll.
GM Elle: Claire, your Dragon means Filvius will get a Boon on any further Fear checks this combat. Your turn, Dolora.
MSG: Well, we seem to be in it now, so I guess I'll move up and smack it with my warhammer. That's a hit for 14 points of damage if it doesn't dodge.
GM Elle: Hearing the whistling power of your hammer swinging through the air, it does attempt a dodge, and succeeds.
Ariel: I'm next, right? I'll put my lamp on the ground and try shooting it with my shortbow. Swish.
Akane: Zedeja expends many WP to cast spells. Stone Skin first, Power Fist next. Both succeed! I cautiously move closer.
Sasha: Quackers, right? Charge! I roll a hit. Does it dodge?
GM Elle: It tries ... and succeeds.
Sasha: Well, at least I don't have to spend WP on my Dragonslayer ability this round.
Harriet: My turn? How far outside the 10 meters of its mesmerizing stare was I? I did say I was moving up.
GM Elle: I'll let you be within a single move of melee.
Harriet: Superb. I advance on the spider and spend points for both my Backstabbing and Assassin abilities. I definitely hit ... and proceed to roll two 1's, a 2, and an 8. 12 points.
Heddy: That was unfortunate.
GM Elle: Filvius is next.
Claire: I'll step back a little and try hitting it with my sling. But I miss.
Heddy: I don't really even know what to do with my turn. Can I use it to watch the spider's movement and shout a warning to help someone dodge? Can anyone even dodge at this point since I'm the last one taking a turn?
MSG: I've got Fast Footwork, so I can spend WP to dodge.
Harriet: Likewise for Dilfriida.
Heddy: Then I'll definitely do that if I can.
GM Elle: I'll allow it. Especially since the spider now has 4 turns to take.
Claire: Gulp.
GM Elle: Mandibles! It attempts to bite Dilfriida in two, since she managed to damage it and no one else did.
Heddy: Look out, Dilfriida! Jump right!
Harriet: I spend my WP and succeed at a dodge.
Heddy: Good job!
GM Elle: Tearing attack! The spider frantically stabs at all characters within 2 meters using its multitude of barbed, hairy legs. Each character in melee will take 2d8 damage.
MSG: I'll spend WP to dodge, and I succeed.
Claire: Glad I moved back to use my sling.
Ariel: I'm glad I stayed back and used my bow!
Sasha: I'll let my armor soak it up.
GM Elle: 12 points.
Sasha: Ouch. So 4 get through.
GM Elle: Poison Sting! It's jabbing its venomous stinger at you, Sir Q. But I only roll 7 points, so it doesn't get through. Last attack -- Mandibles again. I think it will go for Dolora and her nasty-looking warhammer this time.
MSG: I pay to dodge again. Oof, I miss, so I'm definitely Disheartened that it's treating me as a threat. I make the Push roll.
GM Elle: All right, new initiative.
MSG: 8.
Claire: 7.
Ariel: 6.
Sasha: 4.
Akane: 5.
Harriet: 3.
Heddy: 2.
GM Elle: Looks like the spider's on the same turns it had last time. And it starts the turn off with Mesmerizing Eyes again. Only Brandy, Fidu, and Filvius are outside of 10 meters this time.
MSG: Failure again. I'm pretty Angry that I'm getting so scared of bug eyes, and I Push and make it.
Sasha: I'll spend 3 WP on my Ill-Tempered ability, because it would really piss me off to get scared of this spider and run. With a Boon, I make it.
Akane: Inconceivably, Zedeja fails. She is so old, though. Too weak to become scared! I Push the roll with Exhausted, and this time succeed.
Harriet: My Will is insufficient, and I'm not confident that a Push will do me any good. I think I'll just take the Fear table roll. 
GM Elle: You're Enfeebled. You lose 8 WP and become Disheartened. Heddy?
Heddy: Can I try shining the lamp in the spider's eyes so someone has a better chance of hitting it?
GM Elle: Sure. Het?
Harriet: I'm entirely bereft of WP for either dodging or Backstabbing ... but I don't have that much sense, so I suppose I'll try a standard attack, since Brandy's trying to blind it for me.  I hit for 9 points.
GM Elle: It tries to dodge ... and fails!
MSG: Good job, Dilfriida.
Sasha: Here comes some longswording ... I hit! Is it dodging?
GM Elle: It tries but fails again.
Sasha: I'm activating Dragonslayer, then. Only 13 points, though. What are we up to, 34 now?
Akane: This is my math also. Zedeja's turn? She will Brawl this spider! A hit!
GM Elle: The spider thinks your scrawny physique suggests that you're being extremely overconfident in thinking you can hurt it, so it doesn't dodge.
Akane: Then with Iron Fist, I roll 5d6. The damage is 16 -- now math says it is 50 points damaged!
GM Elle: It's definitely not happy about that.
Ariel: I'm next, right? Shortbow! Boo, I miss. I'm going to Push the roll, dang it! I worked so hard trying to shoot it, now I'm Exhausted. No! I miss that one too! Poop.
Claire: Filvius tries his sling again ... got it!
GM Elle: The spider isn't keen on underestimating any of you at this point and has taken enough damage that it's going to go ahead and dodge. It succeeds.
MSG: Here comes Dolora's warhammer, then. That's a hit.
GM Elle: That's a dodge. The spider has only a single turn left, and it's going to do a Ramming Attack. Zedeja, it's targeting you since you did more damage to it with a single hit than anyone else, and it thinks it can pulverize your stick-like body. 12 points of damage, and you're knocked down.
Akane: The protection of a Stone Skin spell prevents disaster, then.
GM Elle: Everyone draw initiative for the new round.
MSG: 4.
Claire: 8.
Ariel: 6.
Sasha: 2.
Akane: 10.
Harriet: 9.
Heddy: 7.
GM Elle: Spider is on 1, 3, 5, and 11 through 13. Its first move is a Poison Sting! It's going for Quackenscrump again. 12 points if you don't dodge or parry.
Sasha: Poison sucks in this game, so I think I'm going to parry. Pting!
GM Elle: That uses up your turn, though, so the spider goes again. Tearing Attack! That's the 2d8 one on everybody in melee. Anyone dodging?
MSG: I think I can take the 2d8.
Claire: I'm not in melee, so I'm good.
Ariel: Samesies!
Sasha: No dodges left for Quackers.
Akane: Zedeja intends more Brawling. She will accept damage.
Harriet: I think I'll take it too.
GM Elle: All right, then. 14 on Dolora. 5 on Quackenscrump. 14 on Zedeja. 4 on Dilfriida.
MSG: Oof.
Sasha: Pting!
Akane: I feel very harmed.
Harriet: I'm okay for now.
MSG: All right, it's hammer time. I hit. 
GM Elle: It dodges.
Ariel: I'll try my bow again ... hit! 11 points if it doesn't dodge!
GM Elle: It does.
Heddy: I'll shine my light again on my turn.
Claire: A sling and a miss for Filvius. Oh, wait, with Brandy's boon, that's a hit! 11 points for me too, if it doesn't dodge. 
GM Elle: Demon! Roll an extra damage die. 
Claire: Wooho... bleh, 1 more point.
Harriet: That still puts us at 62 damage on it. Surely it can't have too many more hit points? Dilfriida attempts a daggering. Success, but only 4 points even if it fails its dodge.
GM Elle: It's trying to dodge everything at this point. And it succeeds here.
MSG: That's its last turn for the round, right?
Akane: Zedeja rises and Brawls this spider, then! 18 points of damages!
GM Elle: The spider looks wobbly and near collapse. Draw for initiative. 
MSG: 7
Claire: 8
Ariel: 9
Sasha: 3
Akane: 4
Harriet: 10
Heddy: 2
GM Elle: Spider on 1, 5, 6, and 11 through 13. It attempts to withdraw and climb up into its webs. That means it has to Evade Dolora, Quackenscrump, Zedeja, and Dilfriida. It succeeds on the first three, but fails on Dilfriida. You get an attack on it, Dilfriida. 
Harriet: That's a hit for 11 points.
GM Elle: With a groan and a whisper of despair in your heads, it collapses into a heap of sticklike legs that twitch a few times in a pool of spreading green ichor.
Ariel: Ew!
Sasha: I poke it with my sword and then kick it a few times to make sure.
Akane: I request healing from a junior mage!
Claire: Sure, I'll just -- urk. Demon.
Ariel: Uh-oh. That's bad!
Harriet: Dilfriida thinks it worked out all right for Dranath, so maybe you're not in too much trouble.
GM Elle: Roll a d20.
Claire: 12.
GM Elle: Hmm. Okay.
Claire: So what happens?
GM Elle: It seems like nothing, as far as you can see.
Ariel: Ooh, that is bad. Seeming like nothing seems like it's definitely worse than seeming like something.
Akane: Zedeja complains. "Nothing has happened! Try again, Junior Mage!"
Claire: I shake off my nerves and give it another shot. Better. 9 points of healing.
Akane: This is acceptable.
Harriet: Meanwhile, Dilfriida is going to have a look around for loot. Do you mind bringing the light, Brandy?
Heddy: Of course. But is it all right if we swing very wide of the enormous spider corpse?
Harriet: Fine by me.
Ariel: I'm going to spend 3 WP on my Treasure Hunter ability to find out which direction leads to the greatest treasure in here!
GM Elle: Your nose for treasure leads you to a heavy crossbow.
Ariel: Not like, gold or anything?
GM Elle: Well, the retail value on a heavy crossbow is 200 gp.
Ariel: Never mind, I'll take it!
MSG: I'll search around with Fidu.
Claire: Once I'm done healing Zedeja, I'll go over with Brandy and Dilfriida, hoping to find something worth knowing about that Dolora isn't around to see.
GM Elle: Each person searching roll Spot Hidden.
MSG: Failure.
Claire: 5! Whew, because my skill is only 7.
Ariel: I roll a 2 if I still get to roll after the crossbow.
Harriet: Dilfriida fails with a 19.
Heddy: I'm more helping Dilfriida than searching myself, if that gets her a Boon.
GM Elle: I'll allow it.
Harriet: Then my 19 transforms into a 3.
GM Elle: Each person who succeeded gets to pick one of these 5 cards.
Claire: How about ... this one. 
GM Elle: You spot a fancy silver bracelet by a gleam it throws off in the lamplight. 
Claire: I'll pick it up and see how much it looks like it's worth.
GM Elle: Unfortunately, the moment you touch it to pick it up, it disintegrated into dust.
Claire: Uh ... silver dust?
GM Elle: No, just worthless dust.
Akane: If Zedeja sees this, she is alarmed. "What! Why did you touch me for healing when you have such destructive hands?"
Harriet: I'll say, "Because you told her to, you old crank!"
Claire: Can I roll something to see if I recognize this as a possible result of a magical mishap?
GM Elle: Sure. Roll your skill for your school of magic. 
Claire: I make it. 
GM Elle: You definitely know magical mishaps can result in a variety of cursed effects.
Claire: Do I know if it can be fixed?
GM Elle: You know that some wear off over time, while others can be removed with Dispel.
Claire: I don't have Dispel.
Akane: Zedeja does! But ... no WP for casting it.
Ariel: Can I pick my card now?
GM Elle: Yes.
Ariel: Hmm, a melee weapon. It says to roll a d6.
GM Elle: I already did. It's a scimitar.
Ariel: Oh. Not nearly as good a haul as a heavy crossbow, plus my backpack is full. I'll let somebody else have it. Here's the cards for you to pick from, Hettie.
Harriet: Ah, a silver necklace. Assuming it doesn't turn to dust as soon as I touch it.
GM Elle: It doesn't. It looks to be worth 55 silver.
Harriet: I'll give it to Brandy and say I think it would look pretty on her. I'll even offer to put it on for her if she'll bend down to my level.
Heddy: The alarming fate of the bracelet makes me concerned about how safe the silver jewelry is in this lair ... but I'm embarrassed to say so and also flattered and pleased at Dilfriida's attention, so I'll nervously lean down.
GM Elle: The necklace goes on with no ill effects. All of the searchers can draw Initiative to see who finds the last 2 treasure cards.
Ariel: Wait! Can I spend 3 more WP to use my Treasure Hunter ability again?
GM Elle: Yes.
Ariel: A bag of silver coins.
GM Elle: There are 20 of them.
Ariel: Eh, not terrible I guess.
Harriet: I draw the 3 card.
Heddy: 8.
MSG: 4.
Claire: Woohoo! 1!
Ariel: Whatever it is, just look, don't touch it!
GM Elle: It appears to be a magical grimoire.
Claire: Sweeeeet. I know I just got warned not to touch it, but I can't resist checking out more magical knowledge. What do I find when I open it? Or does it crumble to dust too?
GM Elle: It appears to contain three Animism spells.
Claire: Even sweeter! Unless they're ones I already know.
GM Elle: One is the magic trick Birdsong, and the other two are Rank 2 spells: Sleep and Lightning Bolt.
Claire: I've already got Lightning Bolt. But not Sleep! Oh. But looking at it in the book, it seems kind of lame. But ... it's still magical knowledge, so I'm hyped about it even if it's lame. I'm going to have to get learning ASAP.
GM Elle: Well, it will have to wait until you've got a shift to spare studying. Which is not right now, because you're still in the dungeon, and I think it's a good spot to wrap this gaming session. Experience questions ... participation, yes. Exploring a new location, yes. Overcoming an obstacle without violence, yes. And defeating a dangerous enemy, definitely. I'll also say everyone gets their Weakness mark as well instead of making you figure it out yourselves.
MSG: Did I do anything knowledge-hungry?
Ariel: You walked right up to that huge-o spider just to learn what a huge-o one looked like up close!
MSG: Oh yeah, thanks!
Ariel: Anytime! I mean, anytime I'm paying attention and that Fidu isn't too lazy to point it out to you.

personal aesthetic

okay, so at some point maybe a year ago, msg was algoing through youtube videos and comes across this duet by two off-the-beaten-tracks japanese singers and then rabbit-holed his way through some more videos by the one who seemed the more off-the-rails out of the two, a girl named "ano," who's apparently pretty famous in japan for being borderline wacko. he showed me some of her videos and i poked around at some more and then we both sorta forgot about her for a while until this morning a new video of hers shows up in his facebook feed and we watched it and wow, very wacko. the video starts off with her in an industrial-looking apron that looks like it has blood on it, and then it cuts to her looking at one of those anatomical models that shows all the body's organs in cutaway form, and the subtitled lyrics are pretty creepy, but the really freakiest part of the whole deal is that she spends most of the video after that in a giant pink marie antoinette wig, eating stuff. like, ramen noodles, and beef stew with rice, and spaghetti.

and this is how you know this chick is in her own special category of personal aesthetic, because she's just eating stuff, mostly pretty calmly, but the look in her eyes and the way she uses her lips and tongue while getting the food in her mouth is just plain psycho. she's cute and adorable with very soft and gentle features that look like she's maybe a freshman in high school, and in spite of that, she can somehow manage to scare you just by eating food. (the spaghetti especially, because she eats it with one hand. if she was eating with both hands, it would just be weirdly piggish and sloppy, but she's eating it like it's finger food. it's really strange.)

anyway, i sort of feel like i have my own personal aesthetic -- you know, in the way i talk and write and do my hair and stuff -- and sometimes i think i get at least a little borderline edgy. 

but it doesn't take more than one or two ano videos for me to realize, "no, i'm actually pretty normal."

i don't pay taxes, but if i did ...

i would be okay with supporting the civilization that produced me, you know? like, the answer to "what has this civilization ever done for me?" is literally pretty much everything.

i mean, i found myself a pretty swell boyfriend. but he wouldn't be as great as he is if he hadn't been really well prepped for me by living in this society and culture. and sure, i write this blog, which i do think has some worth of its own. but i couldn't post it without the computer i'm typing on or the internet the computer his hooked into, and both of those are like, direct results of the big bad federal government.

plus, i kinda like not living in a hellscape of lawless anarchy (although it sort of looks like the current government is doing its best to get us there).

so if i worked, or was filthy rich and got a bunch of interest income or stock dividends, i'd be pretty keen on chipping back in.

i always think it's weird that most people seem to feel so differently about it.

secret of the dragon emperor ... part 31!

last time sir quackenscrump got some scoop on a secret back way into the dungeon we're going to! but will he remember what he heard while drunk off his tailfeathers on troll booze? let's find out!

GM Elle: I don't hear anybody bragging about their new Heroic Abilities -- are you all in a dry spell with your experience rolls?
Harriet: I'm finding it uncanny to the extreme that we cumulatively rolled 5 or 6 numbers over 17, but in every case they landed on skills that weren't high enough to nudge us to 18.
MSG: I'm going to propose that at the end of this session, we mark all our experience marks and then go around the table rolling only for marked skills that are 17.
Ariel: Will that make it more likely for us to roll over 17? I mean, in math land?
MSG: No. It will just make me feel like it ought to be more likely.
Claire: Well, whatever makes you feel good, msg.
Sasha: Fine by me.
GM Elle: Okay, well, last time you wasted the whole morning searching for Quackenscrump and Glinssa --
Akane: Only half wasted, since we found them and one of two is not an untrustable cultist.
GM Elle: So now it's time to roll for the first shift of travel for the day. Is Filvius still navigating?
Claire: Yes, but I'll let Dolora help so I can get a Boon, since we're so late starting out. Definitely a success.
Heddy: As we travel during the day, if I notice Sir Q looking Exhausted and Sickly, I'll spend Willpower on my Raise Spirits ability to tell him jokes or stories to remove those Conditions. I'll make all the punch lines about someone killing a monster.
GM Elle: Sure. Both of you mark it.
Sasha: I quack-laugh at every joke. Thanks, Brandy, you're hilarious.
GM Elle: Filvius and Dolora estimate you'll be at the cave after one more shift of travel. Want to push on to get there tonight?
MSG: And go into a cave full of giant spiders at night without a good rest? No thanks.
Claire: By the way, has Quackers told us about the back door orcs?
Sasha: He doesn't put it that way because that sounds kind of nasty. But he does say Drov told him about an old keep with orcs in it that has an entrance into the caves, and you guys brought that stupid wolf-nebula orc banner, right? So maybe we can impress them with that.
MSG: It's not actually a wolf-nebula banner, but I don't correct Sir Q because I'm keeping it secret that I know how wrong Filvius's information on the banner was.
Claire: Well, since I don't know I'm wrong, I'll say the orcs probably won't care too much about it if there's no wolf-head nebula in the sky, since that's when it's supposed to work.
MSG: The orcs might still think it's valuable or at least interesting. We could probably trade it to them for information about the caves or safe passage in through their fort.
Ariel: Fidu perks up when you talk about trading. Maybe we could get even more out of them than just information or getting let into the caves!
Sasha: Yeah, like some alcohol that won't knock me on my ass like this troll brew Drove gave me. Which, by the way, I'll take out when we make camp and offer around to everyone.
Heddy: Since we're drinking buddies now, I'll take the jug, but once I open it and smell it, I'm probably too faint-hearted to give it a try.
GM Elle: Glinssa says she will definitely pass. She's seen what the stuff does.
MSG: Sigh. It's a mistake, but Dolora can't pass up the knowledge of what troll booze is like.
Claire: Filvius either. But are you offering us this while we're setting up camp, or after we're done?
Sasha: Probably while. I don't have anything better to do when the tent's being put up.
MSG: Great. I'm sure we're in a race to be the first one to know, too. Do we draw initiative?
GM Elle: Yes, but you're drawing initiative to see who's setting up the tent and who's just helping. Then you'll draw again and the helper will get to draw two cards and take the better one, since they'll have less need to keep their attention on the tent.
MSG: That's complicated enough. 5 for me setting up the tent.
Claire: 7 for me, so I'm helping. My two booze initiative cards are ... blah. 8 and 10. Maybe you'll get the 9 ...
MSG: 4. I'm taking an experimental swig, not a huge one.
GM Elle: Make a Con check with a Boon.
MSG: I make it, but I'm glad I had the Boon. I'll pass the jug to Filvius and say, "It's definitely palatable in small measures."
Claire: Damn you. That means I have to take a full glug in order to know something you don't. In for a penny in for a pound, then. I'll take a really big drink.
GM Elle: Con check with a Bane, then.
Claire: Hah! 7 and 10.
GM Elle: Dolora gets a Bane on her Bushcraft to set up the tent, then.
Claire: Even with my help?
GM Elle: The Con check was to keep from passing out immediately. Even with a success, you're too drunk to be any real help.
MSG: I make my roll even with the Bane. Then I crawl into the tent and go right to sleep.
Claire: Same.
Ariel: Fidu goes to bed without trying the troll stuff.
Akane: Zedeja resists also. She pauses at the tent door, though. "No drinking with trolls if any more arrive! Or with orcs or giants ... or even with humans. In fact, no drinking at all when on watch!"
Harriet: That shouldn't be a problem, given that all we have to drink is borderline poisonous troll whiskey.
GM Elle: So I take it Dilfriida and Brandywise are out of the drinking crew for tonight. Is Quackers going to indulge?
Sasha: I think he'll take a break from it tonight.
GM Elle: Let's see if the encounter die has anything for us this shift, then. Hmm ... everyone on watch make an Awareness check. Glinssa fails hers.
Sasha: Got it.
Harriet: Not I, unfortunately.
Heddy: Mine succeeds.
GM Elle: Through the trees in the distance, you think you notice some lights moving. They go east to west for a bit and then stop.
Sasha: Can I tell how far off they are?
GM Elle: You're well into the Iron Woods at this point, following the area on the map that looks more lightly forested than the rest. In the dense parts, you probably wouldn't be able to see torches or lamps much farther than a couple of football fields away. Even here, you figure the lights are probably within a quarter mile.
Sasha: Well ... our campfire is probably bigger than whatever they're carrying, so I'm going to guess they can see it better than we can see them.
Heddy: That idea makes me very nervous. Are we going to wake everybody up?
Sasha: And have Zedeja bite our heads off? I'm gonna vote no on that.
Harriet: I could sneak over there and scout it out to see what might be going on.
Heddy: That makes me nervous too. What if it's a band of orcs and they spot you? 
Harriet: I'll run and hide.
Heddy: Will you even be able to find your way over there in the dark without tripping on roots or rocks?
GM Elle: Dragonbane is a lot less specific about dim lighting conditions than D&D. They basically have rules for complete darkness and that's it. I'd probably give you a Bane for certain actions in the woods at night, but I think the intent is that you can walk around at night just like in the real world.
Harriet: I'll say I think I can do a good job sneaking up and spying on whoever it is. Can Glinssa sneak? She could be my backup.
GM Elle: She has some Sneaking skill, but she says she's not the greatest at it.
Harriet: Perhaps she could go most of the way with me, and then hold back just outside of easy earshot while I cover the last part stealthily.
GM Elle: She looks like she's thinking about it.
Sasha: I give her the thumbs up for encouragement. Can I use that to try Persuasion?
GM Elle: Sure.
Sasha: Made it.
GM Elle: She girds herself then, and says she'll do it.
Harriet: Exceptional. I tell Brandy I'll be back before she knows it.
Heddy: I reply that they should be very careful.
GM Elle: Moving through the dark of the woods, you get closer and closer to the stationary lights, which begin to look more and more like torches. Then you begin to hear voices speaking in rhythmic patterns, though you can't make out what they're saying.
Harriet: If we're close enough to hear them, this might be where Glinssa should stop. I Sneak on ahead with a 9.
GM Elle: You close in on a clearing. There are three black-robed figures there -- each holding a torch as they move in a circle and chant. Make a Languages roll.
Harriet: Not even remotely close.
GM Elle: You can't make out the details, then. But something about the tone feels ominous to you.
Harriet: I'm going to peer as best I can and look for cult tattoos.
GM Elle: That's Spot Hidden.
Harriet: 11 succeeds.
GM Elle: You definitely see that one of them has part of a familiar tattoo showing where the sleeve of his robe has fallen back from the upheld torch in that hand.
Harriet: Could I have the rulebook briefly to read up on Sneak Attacks?
Heddy: By yourself? I'm glad Brandywise doesn't know about this.
GM Elle: Here you go.
Harriet: Hmm. Mm ... here's my plan, then. First, I'm making sure all 3 of my daggers are At Hand. Then I'll sneak up to dagger-throwing range, which is 11 meters for me. If I make it I get to choose my Initiative card, and I qualify for a Sneak Attack and I'll do an extra die of damage with my dagger because it's a subtle weapon, on top of my Backstabbing and Assassin abilities. Hopefully that will be enough to kill my first target outright.
Heddy: Backstabbing and Assassin abilities? Oh my, Brandy really doesn't know how dangerous a person she's getting into, does she?
GM Elle: Make your Sneaking roll, then.
Harriet: I do. I'll pick the 10 card, since they don't know I'm here. That way it will be a new round after my turn and hopefully I'll beat them.
GM Elle: All right, take your shot.
Harriet: With a Boon ... I succeed. 6 WP for my special abilities gives me 4d8 for my weapon and 1d6 for my Agility ... 27. That may have been overkill. In any case, I draw another dagger to be ready for my next turn.
Heddy: I certainly hope so, because if they have more hit points than that, you're in trouble.
GM Elle: The cultist instantly drops dead. Draw for Initiative.
Harriet: 4.
GM Elle: Sorry, but they get the 3. Both draw their daggers and rush you. The first one rolls a 14, just what he needs.
Harriet: I'll use my Fast Footwork ability to dodge without losing my turn. That's a success.
GM Elle: Second attack ... ooh, Demon. You get a free attack on him.
Harriet: Nice. I hit with a 17, doing 6 points of damage ... and there's a sleeping poison on this one, potency 12. I roll a 12 for the poison.
GM Elle: He rolls an 8, so he shakes it off. Your turn.
Harriet: I draw my other poisoned dagger and stab this fellow with my newly un-poisoned one. That's a hit for 8 points.
GM Elle: Dead. New Initiative.
Harriet: Ah, the 1 this time. I'm stabbing the last cultist with my poisoned dagger. A hit, for 8 points, and the poison roll is 5.
GM Elle: Unfortunately for you, the cultist rolls a Dragon. I'm going to say that means he's got some natural immunity to this poison, so he won't have to roll again if you have any more.
Harriet: I do not, so his immunity doesn't concern me.
GM Elle: He strikes at you with his dagger and misses. New initiative. The cultist is on 1.
Harriet: 6.
GM Elle: He yells, "In the name of Sathmog! Die!" But his roll is a 19.
Harriet: My attack is 19 too ... which I'll say makes me fearful that he's somehow cursed me, and I'll Push my roll by becoming Scared. A hit for 4 points.
GM Elle: He gasps a plea to join Sathmog in the afterlife and falls dead.
Harriet: Whew! I retrieve my dagger and search their bodies. 
GM Elle: You find one treasure card worth of loot. Goodness, you hit the jackpot -- 120 silver pieces. They also have backpacks with rations and sleeping pelts, plus flint and tinder and a half dozen torches.
Harriet: I leave 10 silver pieces on the bodies and whistle up Glinssa to help me with their gear.
GM Elle: She goes a bit pale at seeing three of her former co-religionists so easily dead at your hands and says she's glad she switched sides.
Harriet: I'll suggest she check their pockets and unless she finds something special, she can have whatever is on them, since Zedeja is so miserly about her pay.
GM Elle: She's very appreciative of that and lets you know she found the 10 silver. She wants to make sure that doesn't count as anything special.
Harriet: I tell her it's all hers. Then I guess we can head back to camp.
Heddy: Brandy jumps up in relief when she sees you return.
Sasha: Quackers says, "Hey, what's with the bags?"
Harriet: I'll tell them we discovered some cultists who seemed up to no good, and they decided to fight instead of running, so we took care of them. "Here's their stuff if you want to look through it before we dump it in the cart."
Sasha: Quackers assumes Dilfriida already got whatever good stuff was there, which is fine by him since she did the work.
GM Elle: Time for second watch, then.
Sasha: I tell the new shift there were cultists sneaking around but Dilfriida and Glinssa took care of them. "Keep your eyes peeled in case there are more, though."
Akane: Do not order the peeling of eyes! This is Zedeja's authority. After this assertiveness, I command a dwarf and elf to peel their eyes.
GM Elle: It doesn't look like you need to, because the rest of the night goes uneventfully. Last shift of travel to reach Oracle Cave.
Claire: Assuming we don't Demon the navigation check. Nope, I succeed.
GM Elle: Since you know roughly where to look for the ancient keep, you don't have any difficulty spotting it. It's built well up the hillside, and commands a deliberately broad view of the forest. Sneaking up unobserved would be extremely difficult, you think.
MSG: So the question is whether we head up there and see how things pan out with the orcs, or just go in the front way and take our chances. If the orcs see us coming, they could pepper us with arrows from that keep, no problem.
Claire: That's why Filvius suggests we carry the banner boldly at the front of our marching order. If nothing else, they won't want to damage a legendary orc artifact by shooting it full of arrow holes.
Heddy: If Brandywise has been allowed to examine the map in any detail, she'll say she much prefers the orc entrance to the main entrance on the map, which has been drawn with a horrifically large spider coming out of it. I know embellishments like that aren't drawn in proportion, but I can't help comparing it to the map's scale, which makes it look at least a kilometer long.
Sasha: Do you say that out loud? Because Quackers is definitely going to have his blood pumping at a chance to see a kilometer-long monster spider and figure out a way to kill it.
Heddy: Since we have these two knowledge-devouring people in our party, I think I'd be fearful of getting mocked if I said anything about it looking a kilometer long. That's obviously not accurate.
Sasha: Rats. In that case I guess it's fine if we try talking with the orcs.
GM Elle: Are you going to try to have the donkeys haul the cart up to the keep?
MSG: How steep is the way up?
Claire: More importantly, do we want to reveal our loot cart to the orcs and then leave it outside while we go into the cave?
GM Elle: Glinssa thinks that sounds like a terrible idea but is also nervous about being left on her own a significant distance from the party's explorations. The way up to the keep looks steep and is pretty heavily forested at its lower reaches. You'd expect it to be quite a chore to get the cart up there.
MSG: Well that's kind of a pickle.
Claire: Could we use Bushcraft to scout around for a nice secluded clearing nearby that might put Glinssa more at ease?
Akane: This cultist's employment is watching donkeys and a cart. Employment and "ease" have opposite meaning. Why perform extra work to make our worker's work have more ease?
GM Elle: You can roll Bushcraft if you like, but it will take a shift unless you Dragon the roll. You could try to do it more quickly, but you'll have a Bane.
MSG: I'll help so that the Bane is counteracted. But before we go looking I'll tell Zedeja that leaving the cart out in the open is just begging for someone to come along and steal it.
Claire: My roll succeeds pretty easily.
GM Elle: All right, within a stretch, you luck across a natural nook at the base of a hill where rocky outcroppings will hide the cart from either side.
MSG: Then once we get Glinssa and the donkeys settled in, we'll head up to the keep with someone carrying the banner.
Claire: I can do it. But I'll have to drop it to use my staff if it comes to combat.
Sasha: We mostly just need you to heal anyway.
GM Elle: So. Once you get Glinssa and the donkeys tucked away out of sight, you make your way through the thick woods at the base of the hill that the keep is attached to. The slope gets steeper and steeper, until finally you come out in the open space overlooked by the ancient fortress. Around a hundred meters of inclined ground separate you from the stone walls. Almost immediately, you see a figure behind the parapet above point at you and give a cry of alarm. Others quickly join the figure.
Claire: I'm going to raise the banner as high as I can and give it a bit of a side-to-side wave.
Harriet: Wait, though ... should Filvius really be the one carrying that? Don't orcs and elves notoriously dislike one another?
GM Elle: You can make a Myths and Legends roll.
Harriet: Actually, I can't. A 10 is double my skill of 5.
GM Elle: On an out-of-game level, then, I'll just say there's nothing in this campaign or the main rulebook that suggests an unusual degree of hostility between orcs and elves. Orcs don't get along especially well with any of the daylight kin, but elves aren't any more of a problem than dwarves or humans.
MSG: Can we tell if they recognize the banner?
GM Elle: There's some more pointing and gesturing. It looks as though some of the figures now have bows at the ready. But after a minute or so, you see a lone orc coming out of the bottom of a stair on the keep's eastern side.

MSG: I'll give a wave of greeting.
Claire: I don't have a free hand to wave, but I'll start heading up the slope to meet the orc halfway.
Akane: Zedeja says, "Wait! This is unauthorized! Consult your superior first, junior mage!"
Harriet: Dilfriida will step up next to the elf and say, "Zedeja saying not to go is a good enough reason for me to head up with you, Filvius."
Claire: I'll keep walking, then.
Akane: Impertinent halfling.
Heddy: I'm terrified of the orcs, but seeing two of the weaker party members venturing forward, and one of them being Dilfriida, I'll tag along ... fretfully.
GM Elle: Anyone else?
MSG: Dolora won't want to be left out of knowing what's going on, so she'll go too.
Ariel: I'm resting from already hiking so far up the hill.
Sasha: Quackers will hang back.
Akane: Zedeja knows only a small amount about orcs, but she thinks they are warlike. Seeing elves and halflings defying the leader of our group probably means, no respect from orcs. There could be danger to have disrespect of warlike orcs. I remain with our duck knight.
GM Elle: The orc is going downhill, so he's making better speed than you are unless you want to make Agility checks to go faster.
MSG: I'd rather not risk Demoning a roll like that and tumbling all the way downhill to smack into one of the trees.
Claire: It might also appear aggressive. Filvius is for sticking to a normal speed.
GM Elle: In that case, when the orc has covered about half the original distance, he stops and waits for you.
MSG: So, 50 meters from the keep, which according to the rulebook ... is within range of a heavy crossbow and long range for a short bow.
Claire: That's a very pessimistic way to look at someone literally meeting us halfway.
MSG: Maybe Dolora is in one of her dour moods.
GM Elle: As you get closer, within 15 yards of him, he raises a hand and speaks in heavily accented Common. "Why are strangers carrying this orc banner? What business brings you?"
Claire: Filvius says that we found the banner in the basement of an ancient tower in the Haunted Marshes, and determined that it holds the power of the Wolf's Head Nebula.
MSG: Dolora says, "Actually, he's the only one who believes that. The rest of us just know that an orc ghost called it the Banner of Takrûk and said it brings power to an orc leader in battle."
Claire: Filvius gives Dolora a narrow-eyed look. "So you think I'm wrong about the Wolf's Head Nebula?"
MSG: Basically, yeah.
Claire: Well, you could have said something before!
GM Elle: The orc interrupts you. He has an expression of cautious surprise on his face. "The Banner of Takrûk? That clan I have heard of. But this banner -- it is clean and new!"
MSG: We're thinking it might be magical or have some kind of blessing on it.
Claire: D'oh. I never used my Sense Magic trick on it, did I? Wait a minute. I ask Dolora why she didn't have me Sense Magic on it if she thought it was magical.
MSG: And have you learn something about it I didn't know?
GM Elle: The orc says, "Strangers! A banner like this could be important to us. I must ask our patrol's leader, Agra, about it. Speak of your business to me. I will take both pieces of news to Agra for her to ponder."
MSG: I say we've come to explore the cave in search of treasure.
GM Elle: The orc grunts and nods and turns to head back up to the keep.
Heddy: As soon as he's a good distance away, Brandywise will ask if we should retreat back out of arrow range just in case.
MSG: I think if they have longbows, we'd have to go all the way back to the trees and hide.
Claire: Filvius says of course that's the case if they have longbows.
MSG: Does Filvius know that much about bows? Or do you need to roll a bluff?
Claire: I could ask you the same question! But ... my Bows skill is only a 7.
MSG: Mine's 14. What's the GM's ruling on knowing about bows?
GM Elle: Hm. It seems like the weapon skill would be the main way you'd gain that knowledge. But it also feels off to let you roll an Agility skill to know something. Let's say ... make an Intelligence check to know what longbow range is, but you can have a Boon if you make a Bows check first.
MSG: Sweet ... no, spoke too soon, I roll a 19 on my Bows check. Int check is a Dragon though!
Claire: Well, I get a Dragon on my Bows check and two successes on my Int check.
GM Elle: Dragons all over the place. Okay, I'll say both of you surveyed the lay of the land so well against your knowledge of archery that if it comes to either firing or evading a bow shot in this situation, you'll get a Boon on your first roll.
MSG: I guess that's a benefit -- but I hope we don't end up needing to use it.
Claire: I say bring it on! Filvius will always take the chance to show off his knowledge.
Heddy: Brandy meekly suggests that maybe we should not bring it on.
GM Elle: While you're discussing it, the orc makes it back to the keep. He appears to be making very good time, as though he's motivated to be quick.
Ariel: Ooh, maybe that means the banner will really help us make a deal with them!
Sasha: Or maybe he just can't wait to give their bow-orcs the all clear to start firing.
GM Elle: You see that he's calling up to the orcs on the ramparts, then seems to enter a conversation with them.
Akane: There must be shouting to discuss arrowing two know-it-all adventurers from the top of a keep to the bottom. Can we hear?
GM Elle: Everyone who went up to meet the orc can roll Awareness. Everyone at the tree line can roll with a Bane.
MSG: 2.
Claire: 17 fails.
Ariel: Same for me. Foo.
Sasha: A 2 and an 8 for Quackers, so he makes it.
Akane: Zedeja succeeds also, thanks to being so greatly Aware.
Harriet: Dilfriida just misses it.
Heddy: Brandywise just makes it.
GM Elle: All right, everyone who succeeded now needs to roll Languages, because they're speaking orcish.
MSG: Dragon! We're on fire with those tonight.
Sasha: Whoa! Look at this!
Akane: Another Dragon?
Sasha: No, a 2. But my skill's only 4, so I was sure I wouldn't make it.
Akane: My roll is 17, but Zedeja is so startled that a duck might understand while she does not, it makes her Dazed. After Pushing this way, I succeed with 11.
Heddy: I succeed as well.
GM Elle: The messenger is telling the orcs up top that you have the banner of Takrûk, and someone with an authoritative voice answers that "Maladûk will be angry if we can't acquire it for her. What do they want?" He tells her that all you mentioned was exploring the cave for treasure, and in response she orders him to bring you up for her to speak directly to you. He nods and turns your way.
Sasha: Quackers says, "Well, sounds like it's time for us to head uphill, then."
Akane: Zedeja is slow in responding. Still, she is dazed that her ears almost missed what this knight heard.
Sasha: Oh ... uh-oh, I just remembered my great helm gives me an Awareness Bane, which means I should have rolled three dice, not just two. Should I roll the third one now?
GM Elle: No, I hate to back all of that up. Why don't you just say you used your ill-tempered ability to get a Boon on the roll because you were annoyed at things taking so long? That will cancel the Bane from your helmet.
Sasha: Sure. Now I'm down 3 WP and have a Condition, but I guess that's what I get for not remembering that Bane. Anyway, I'll start marching up the hillside.
Ariel: Wait, I was resting and not paying attention I guess. Why are we going up? Dolora and Filvius didn't call us, did they?
Sasha: No, but those orcs are talking about our banner and about making deals, I think, so we need your bargaining skills, Fi-fi.
Akane: Zedeja speaks after a delay. "Yes, hound! It is time to go."
Ariel: All right, if we have to.
GM Elle: As before, the orc will make better time than the characters hiking up from the forested part of the hill to the meeting point, unless you hurry.
Ariel: No way am I hurrying and getting all out of breath when I might need to do some Bartering soon.
Sasha: Are there monsters anywhere in sight? Quackenscrump doesn't care about hurrying if there aren't monsters to kill.
Akane: Still so dazed by a knowledgeable duck. No hurrying for Zedeja.
GM Elle: This time, the orc comes all the way to where the banner is.
MSG: Whew, that's a relief.
Ariel: Why?
Harriet: My assumption as a player is that it indicates the messenger isn't concerned about leaving his comrades a clear line of fire this time. Dilfriida doesn't put that together, though.
GM Elle: Once he arrives, he tells you that Agra wants to talk to you about the banner and about the caves.
MSG: I'll ask him to lead the way, but after the rest of the group catches up.
GM Elle: He waits for Zedeja, Fidu, and Quackenscrump, then heads up to the keep. As you near the fortifications, you see several other orcs descending the stairway. In the lead is a big, well-muscled female orc whose skin shows the scars of many battles. She meets you at the bottom of the stairs and crosses her arms as she sizes you up. "I am Agra," she says. "Varkorr says you intend to explore the caves. Normally, we would warn you away from our encampment in these ruins and tell you to enter the cavemouth to the west. But you carry an orcish banner that interests me. Let us have it and I will grant passage through our keep to the caverns."
MSG: I tell Fidu he's up.
Ariel: I'll say that's a generous offer ... I mean we'd like the banner to be back with its rightful owners. But what if we also agree to trade information too? They could tell us what they know about the caves, and when we come back out, we can let them know if we found out anything else.
GM Elle: She seems agreeable to that. But then she also says, "There is another object we have interest in -- a small statue of black stone. If you find such a thing, or any pieces of it, let us examine it and we may trade you for it if it is the one we desire.
MSG: Uh-oh.
Ariel: Yikes! Um ... I'll ask the group, "Wasn't there somebody in town offering money for pieces of a statue?"
MSG: I'll say, "Yeah, but why drag something all the way back to town if our friends the orcs offer a good price too? In fact, why don't we just say we'll show them everything we find in the cave that we don't want to keep for ourselves, and they can bid on anything that interests them?"
Claire: Ooh, nice save.
Ariel: I'm not sure I get it, but I guess I'll -- ooh, wait, you mean we do want the statue pieces for ourselves so we wouldn't have to show them to the orcs! That's so smooth! Fidu asks this Agra lady if that sounds good to her.
GM Elle: Go ahead and roll your Bartering to see if you can make that sound as innocent as you want it to.
Ariel: Easy-peasy 13.
GM Elle: Agra agrees to your deal. She says she wishes she had more to tell you, but the scouts they've sent into the caves have not returned. The entrance to the caves at the back of the keep leads to a long stairway down into the darkness, and that's all she and her crew know.
MSG: I'll ask how many scouts they've sent in ... if she doesn't mind saying.
GM Elle: She says one orc went down day before yesterday, an experienced caver and tracker. Then another two were sent last night when the first one didn't come back.
MSG: Then I'll say we'll keep an eye out for them while we're inside.
Claire: I'll hand over the banner since we've made our deal.
GM Elle: She thanks you on both accounts, and then leads you up the stairs to the upper level of the keep. You see a ruined guard-house there, just walls with no roof. The orcs have set up a tarp across the top to give them shelter from the sun. At the back of the area is a dark opening leading into the cave. And I think this is probably a good place to stop the session, since you could get in the thick of things pretty quickly inside.
Sasha: I hope the thick of things includes monsters.
GM Elle: We'll see. Okay, participation, check. Exploring a new area, check. Defeating a dangerous enemy ... check for Dilfriida, but not really anyone else. Solving an obstacle without violence, definitely. Weaknesses -- I leave that up to you as usual.
MSG: I think Filvius and I kept up our knowledge-hunger competition pretty well.
Claire: Yep.
Ariel: I was for sure lazy several times, and Sash was always going on about monsters.
Akane: Zedeja commanded many times, despite dazedness the last part of the adventure.
Harriet: I'm going to say I don't feel like I was especially thin-skinned tonight, so I'll dock myself. You did a lot better playing faint-hearted, H.
Heddy: Thank you!
GM Elle: Next time, into the cave, then!

april!

sheesh! we're already a whole week into it!

april is a happy month around here. why? because it's the middle name of our most adorable yam, ariel april worthy. it's also the month we first found out she'd be coming to stay with us, so everyone at worthy acres feels it's auspicious as all get-out.

we did have an april shower over the weekend -- the pleasant, pattering kind, not the stormy blustery sort. will it bring may flowers? hopefully not in our yard, because those flowers would be on weeds.

it's spring, and it was cool here today without being chill, which i think is about the most perfect weather you can ask for here in south texas, where we mostly have a very short season of yikes! cold!, followed by a very long season of omg why does it have to be so hot? spring and autumn are even more fleeting than winter, so we have to enjoy them whenever they decide to show up.

i hope everyone has a nice april. and i hope everyone has a person in their lives as nice as ariel april worthy.

and if there's somebody that neither of those is the case for, i sure hope may brings some wonderful flowering for you.

xoxo,
claire

okay folks, i'm getting something off my chest here!

obviously, i'm biased in a big way, but you'd think all star trek fans would be biased in the same way, and apparently they're totally not, because i loved starfleet academy and i guess a lot of fans didn't?

so here's why i think the current trend of hate-campaigning a show you don't like is for small-spirited people. i saw a lot of social media comments while the show was on saying, "i kept hearing how bad starfleet academy was, but then i watched it and it's really pretty good, actually." and i'm betting for every one of those comments, there was somebody who heard it was bad and didn't watch.

which means the hate-campaigning suppressed the viewership, right? did it suppress the viewership by a lot, or by a little? who knows. but what i do know is, the hate-campaigning relied on dishonesty and caused some fans to cheat themselves out of a show they would have enjoyed. maybe it even caused enough people to avoid tuning in that the show's cancellation might have been avoided otherwise.

now what do i mean, it relied upon dishonesty? i don't mean that there was no reason to find any fault with the show. it's a star trek show, guys. you can find fault with every season of every one of them, if that's what floats your shuttlecraft. i also don't mean that it's not okay to speak up if a show isn't your thing.

but the number of people out there calling it "terrible" and full of "awful writing and characters" was nuts. you want to say, "it did nothing for me, and i hate having a star trek show do nothing for me," step right up and say that. also okay is, "i was so disappointed that they did this show about young people instead of a mature show like i wanted based on picard season 3." more power to you, even though picard season 3 was way dumber than starfleet academy.

what's not okay is to say it was terrible and awful and a sin against star trek and absolutely worthless. because nobody who knows anything about writing and has watched a lot of star trek can reasonably reach that conclusion. maybe you loved tos or tng to pieces. maybe ds9 was totally your thing and you thought voyager was even better. and then along comes starfleet academy and you hate it compared to those ones.

that's super!

only you aren't hating it because it's terrible writing. you're hating it because it's not as good as you want it to be, and it doesn't do what you want it to do. how do i know this? because i watched all those other shows too, and the average writing quality on their first seasons (except season 1 tos) didn't even come close to the average writing quality of star trek overall. i love those shows! but their first seasons? lots of lame-o writing. even tos, if you look at the biggest stinkers of season 1, had at least one episode way worse than any of the starfleet academy episodes. (i'm looking at you, "the alternative factor.")

i think a lot of people, if they were being honest and if they took an honest look at the writing in other trek shows, could certainly say, "i hate that i don't love it," or "i hate that it's got such a different tone," or even, "i hate that it's not up to snuff with the best trek, because by now people ought to have learned from the best trek episodes how to do trek at its best all the time." you could even reasonably say, "i hate that it's mediocre television."

but it's not awful and it doesn't have terrible characters, even if none of the characters appealed to you personally. and by spreading that kind of judgment around when it really isn't true, you hurt some of your fellow star trek fans. you convinced some of them not to watch a show they might have enjoyed. and you contributed to the cancellation of a show many people obviously did enjoy.

and if you know that and you're proud of it, you're kind of a bad person. sorry, but you are.

around here, we thought picard season three was crazy dumb. parts of it were super-fun anyway, and it was great to see the old crew get back together, but holy moley did the characters just do the dumbest stuff right and left all season long. i had to elbow msg sometimes because he groaned too loud about the worst moments.

but did anybody around here go online and rant about any of that dumbness?

no.

because what we were seeing other fans post was beautiful. suddenly, for the first time in years, the bulk of the social media discussion about a star trek show was actually people going on and on about enjoying it. they obviously weren't noticing all the dumb stuff ... and that was okay! seeing other star trek fans happy made us happy.

be bigger people, okay? if you don't like it, say you don't like it. but admit to yourself that not liking it doesn't automatically mean it's the worst writing ever, so ditch the exaggeration and just talk about your opinion like it's your opinion and not like it's the unbiased verdict of the cosmic deity of all good writing. don't talk about it like your low opinion of the show means the show's creators are bad people who weren't even trying. anybody who's done a lot of writing knows it's hard. even writers who've done a decent amount of it turn out stinkers from time to time. you being disappointed doesn't mean the writer wasn't sincerely putting in a lot of effort.

okay, beaming up from my soapbox now.

live long and prosper!
claire