i don't pay taxes, but if i did ...

i would be okay with supporting the civilization that produced me, you know? like, the answer to "what has this civilization ever done for me?" is literally pretty much everything.

i mean, i found myself a pretty swell boyfriend. but he wouldn't be as great as he is if he hadn't been really well prepped for me by living in this society and culture. and sure, i write this blog, which i do think has some worth of its own. but i couldn't post it without the computer i'm typing on or the internet the computer his hooked into, and both of those are like, direct results of the big bad federal government.

plus, i kinda like not living in a hellscape of lawless anarchy (although it sort of looks like the current government is doing its best to get us there).

so if i worked, or was filthy rich and got a bunch of interest income or stock dividends, i'd be pretty keen on chipping back in.

i always think it's weird that most people seem to feel so differently about it.

secret of the dragon emperor ... part 31!

last time sir quackenscrump got some scoop on a secret back way into the dungeon we're going to! but will he remember what he heard while drunk off his tailfeathers on troll booze? let's find out!

GM Elle: I don't hear anybody bragging about their new Heroic Abilities -- are you all in a dry spell with your experience rolls?
Harriet: I'm finding it uncanny to the extreme that we cumulatively rolled 5 or 6 numbers over 17, but in every case they landed on skills that weren't high enough to nudge us to 18.
MSG: I'm going to propose that at the end of this session, we mark all our experience marks and then go around the table rolling only for marked skills that are 17.
Ariel: Will that make it more likely for us to roll over 17? I mean, in math land?
MSG: No. It will just make me feel like it ought to be more likely.
Claire: Well, whatever makes you feel good, msg.
Sasha: Fine by me.
GM Elle: Okay, well, last time you wasted the whole morning searching for Quackenscrump and Glinssa --
Akane: Only half wasted, since we found them and one of two is not an untrustable cultist.
GM Elle: So now it's time to roll for the first shift of travel for the day. Is Filvius still navigating?
Claire: Yes, but I'll let Dolora help so I can get a Boon, since we're so late starting out. Definitely a success.
Heddy: As we travel during the day, if I notice Sir Q looking Exhausted and Sickly, I'll spend Willpower on my Raise Spirits ability to tell him jokes or stories to remove those Conditions. I'll make all the punch lines about someone killing a monster.
GM Elle: Sure. Both of you mark it.
Sasha: I quack-laugh at every joke. Thanks, Brandy, you're hilarious.
GM Elle: Filvius and Dolora estimate you'll be at the cave after one more shift of travel. Want to push on to get there tonight?
MSG: And go into a cave full of giant spiders at night without a good rest? No thanks.
Claire: By the way, has Quackers told us about the back door orcs?
Sasha: He doesn't put it that way because that sounds kind of nasty. But he does say Drov told him about an old keep with orcs in it that has an entrance into the caves, and you guys brought that stupid wolf-nebula orc banner, right? So maybe we can impress them with that.
MSG: It's not actually a wolf-nebula banner, but I don't correct Sir Q because I'm keeping it secret that I know how wrong Filvius's information on the banner was.
Claire: Well, since I don't know I'm wrong, I'll say the orcs probably won't care too much about it if there's no wolf-head nebula in the sky, since that's when it's supposed to work.
MSG: The orcs might still think it's valuable or at least interesting. We could probably trade it to them for information about the caves or safe passage in through their fort.
Ariel: Fidu perks up when you talk about trading. Maybe we could get even more out of them than just information or getting let into the caves!
Sasha: Yeah, like some alcohol that won't knock me on my ass like this troll brew Drove gave me. Which, by the way, I'll take out when we make camp and offer around to everyone.
Heddy: Since we're drinking buddies now, I'll take the jug, but once I open it and smell it, I'm probably too faint-hearted to give it a try.
GM Elle: Glinssa says she will definitely pass. She's seen what the stuff does.
MSG: Sigh. It's a mistake, but Dolora can't pass up the knowledge of what troll booze is like.
Claire: Filvius either. But are you offering us this while we're setting up camp, or after we're done?
Sasha: Probably while. I don't have anything better to do when the tent's being put up.
MSG: Great. I'm sure we're in a race to be the first one to know, too. Do we draw initiative?
GM Elle: Yes, but you're drawing initiative to see who's setting up the tent and who's just helping. Then you'll draw again and the helper will get to draw two cards and take the better one, since they'll have less need to keep their attention on the tent.
MSG: That's complicated enough. 5 for me setting up the tent.
Claire: 7 for me, so I'm helping. My two booze initiative cards are ... blah. 8 and 10. Maybe you'll get the 9 ...
MSG: 4. I'm taking an experimental swig, not a huge one.
GM Elle: Make a Con check with a Boon.
MSG: I make it, but I'm glad I had the Boon. I'll pass the jug to Filvius and say, "It's definitely palatable in small measures."
Claire: Damn you. That means I have to take a full glug in order to know something you don't. In for a penny in for a pound, then. I'll take a really big drink.
GM Elle: Con check with a Bane, then.
Claire: Hah! 7 and 10.
GM Elle: Dolora gets a Bane on her Bushcraft to set up the tent, then.
Claire: Even with my help?
GM Elle: The Con check was to keep from passing out immediately. Even with a success, you're too drunk to be any real help.
MSG: I make my roll even with the Bane. Then I crawl into the tent and go right to sleep.
Claire: Same.
Ariel: Fidu goes to bed without trying the troll stuff.
Akane: Zedeja resists also. She pauses at the tent door, though. "No drinking with trolls if any more arrive! Or with orcs or giants ... or even with humans. In fact, no drinking at all when on watch!"
Harriet: That shouldn't be a problem, given that all we have to drink is borderline poisonous troll whiskey.
GM Elle: So I take it Dilfriida and Brandywise are out of the drinking crew for tonight. Is Quackers going to indulge?
Sasha: I think he'll take a break from it tonight.
GM Elle: Let's see if the encounter die has anything for us this shift, then. Hmm ... everyone on watch make an Awareness check. Glinssa fails hers.
Sasha: Got it.
Harriet: Not I, unfortunately.
Heddy: Mine succeeds.
GM Elle: Through the trees in the distance, you think you notice some lights moving. They go east to west for a bit and then stop.
Sasha: Can I tell how far off they are?
GM Elle: You're well into the Iron Woods at this point, following the area on the map that looks more lightly forested than the rest. In the dense parts, you probably wouldn't be able to see torches or lamps much farther than a couple of football fields away. Even here, you figure the lights are probably within a quarter mile.
Sasha: Well ... our campfire is probably bigger than whatever they're carrying, so I'm going to guess they can see it better than we can see them.
Heddy: That idea makes me very nervous. Are we going to wake everybody up?
Sasha: And have Zedeja bite our heads off? I'm gonna vote no on that.
Harriet: I could sneak over there and scout it out to see what might be going on.
Heddy: That makes me nervous too. What if it's a band of orcs and they spot you? 
Harriet: I'll run and hide.
Heddy: Will you even be able to find your way over there in the dark without tripping on roots or rocks?
GM Elle: Dragonbane is a lot less specific about dim lighting conditions than D&D. They basically have rules for complete darkness and that's it. I'd probably give you a Bane for certain actions in the woods at night, but I think the intent is that you can walk around at night just like in the real world.
Harriet: I'll say I think I can do a good job sneaking up and spying on whoever it is. Can Glinssa sneak? She could be my backup.
GM Elle: She has some Sneaking skill, but she says she's not the greatest at it.
Harriet: Perhaps she could go most of the way with me, and then hold back just outside of easy earshot while I cover the last part stealthily.
GM Elle: She looks like she's thinking about it.
Sasha: I give her the thumbs up for encouragement. Can I use that to try Persuasion?
GM Elle: Sure.
Sasha: Made it.
GM Elle: She girds herself then, and says she'll do it.
Harriet: Exceptional. I tell Brandy I'll be back before she knows it.
Heddy: I reply that they should be very careful.
GM Elle: Moving through the dark of the woods, you get closer and closer to the stationary lights, which begin to look more and more like torches. Then you begin to hear voices speaking in rhythmic patterns, though you can't make out what they're saying.
Harriet: If we're close enough to hear them, this might be where Glinssa should stop. I Sneak on ahead with a 9.
GM Elle: You close in on a clearing. There are three black-robed figures there -- each holding a torch as they move in a circle and chant. Make a Languages roll.
Harriet: Not even remotely close.
GM Elle: You can't make out the details, then. But something about the tone feels ominous to you.
Harriet: I'm going to peer as best I can and look for cult tattoos.
GM Elle: That's Spot Hidden.
Harriet: 11 succeeds.
GM Elle: You definitely see that one of them has part of a familiar tattoo showing where the sleeve of his robe has fallen back from the upheld torch in that hand.
Harriet: Could I have the rulebook briefly to read up on Sneak Attacks?
Heddy: By yourself? I'm glad Brandywise doesn't know about this.
GM Elle: Here you go.
Harriet: Hmm. Mm ... here's my plan, then. First, I'm making sure all 3 of my daggers are At Hand. Then I'll sneak up to dagger-throwing range, which is 11 meters for me. If I make it I get to choose my Initiative card, and I qualify for a Sneak Attack and I'll do an extra die of damage with my dagger because it's a subtle weapon, on top of my Backstabbing and Assassin abilities. Hopefully that will be enough to kill my first target outright.
Heddy: Backstabbing and Assassin abilities? Oh my, Brandy really doesn't know how dangerous a person she's getting into, does she?
GM Elle: Make your Sneaking roll, then.
Harriet: I do. I'll pick the 10 card, since they don't know I'm here. That way it will be a new round after my turn and hopefully I'll beat them.
GM Elle: All right, take your shot.
Harriet: With a Boon ... I succeed. 6 WP for my special abilities gives me 4d8 for my weapon and 1d6 for my Agility ... 27. That may have been overkill. In any case, I draw another dagger to be ready for my next turn.
Heddy: I certainly hope so, because if they have more hit points than that, you're in trouble.
GM Elle: The cultist instantly drops dead. Draw for Initiative.
Harriet: 4.
GM Elle: Sorry, but they get the 3. Both draw their daggers and rush you. The first one rolls a 14, just what he needs.
Harriet: I'll use my Fast Footwork ability to dodge without losing my turn. That's a success.
GM Elle: Second attack ... ooh, Demon. You get a free attack on him.
Harriet: Nice. I hit with a 17, doing 6 points of damage ... and there's a sleeping poison on this one, potency 12. I roll a 12 for the poison.
GM Elle: He rolls an 8, so he shakes it off. Your turn.
Harriet: I draw my other poisoned dagger and stab this fellow with my newly un-poisoned one. That's a hit for 8 points.
GM Elle: Dead. New Initiative.
Harriet: Ah, the 1 this time. I'm stabbing the last cultist with my poisoned dagger. A hit, for 8 points, and the poison roll is 5.
GM Elle: Unfortunately for you, the cultist rolls a Dragon. I'm going to say that means he's got some natural immunity to this poison, so he won't have to roll again if you have any more.
Harriet: I do not, so his immunity doesn't concern me.
GM Elle: He strikes at you with his dagger and misses. New initiative. The cultist is on 1.
Harriet: 6.
GM Elle: He yells, "In the name of Sathmog! Die!" But his roll is a 19.
Harriet: My attack is 19 too ... which I'll say makes me fearful that he's somehow cursed me, and I'll Push my roll by becoming Scared. A hit for 4 points.
GM Elle: He gasps a plea to join Sathmog in the afterlife and falls dead.
Harriet: Whew! I retrieve my dagger and search their bodies. 
GM Elle: You find one treasure card worth of loot. Goodness, you hit the jackpot -- 120 silver pieces. They also have backpacks with rations and sleeping pelts, plus flint and tinder and a half dozen torches.
Harriet: I leave 10 silver pieces on the bodies and whistle up Glinssa to help me with their gear.
GM Elle: She goes a bit pale at seeing three of her former co-religionists so easily dead at your hands and says she's glad she switched sides.
Harriet: I'll suggest she check their pockets and unless she finds something special, she can have whatever is on them, since Zedeja is so miserly about her pay.
GM Elle: She's very appreciative of that and lets you know she found the 10 silver. She wants to make sure that doesn't count as anything special.
Harriet: I tell her it's all hers. Then I guess we can head back to camp.
Heddy: Brandy jumps up in relief when she sees you return.
Sasha: Quackers says, "Hey, what's with the bags?"
Harriet: I'll tell them we discovered some cultists who seemed up to no good, and they decided to fight instead of running, so we took care of them. "Here's their stuff if you want to look through it before we dump it in the cart."
Sasha: Quackers assumes Dilfriida already got whatever good stuff was there, which is fine by him since she did the work.
GM Elle: Time for second watch, then.
Sasha: I tell the new shift there were cultists sneaking around but Dilfriida and Glinssa took care of them. "Keep your eyes peeled in case there are more, though."
Akane: Do not order the peeling of eyes! This is Zedeja's authority. After this assertiveness, I command a dwarf and elf to peel their eyes.
GM Elle: It doesn't look like you need to, because the rest of the night goes uneventfully. Last shift of travel to reach Oracle Cave.
Claire: Assuming we don't Demon the navigation check. Nope, I succeed.
GM Elle: Since you know roughly where to look for the ancient keep, you don't have any difficulty spotting it. It's built well up the hillside, and commands a deliberately broad view of the forest. Sneaking up unobserved would be extremely difficult, you think.
MSG: So the question is whether we head up there and see how things pan out with the orcs, or just go in the front way and take our chances. If the orcs see us coming, they could pepper us with arrows from that keep, no problem.
Claire: That's why Filvius suggests we carry the banner boldly at the front of our marching order. If nothing else, they won't want to damage a legendary orc artifact by shooting it full of arrow holes.
Heddy: If Brandywise has been allowed to examine the map in any detail, she'll say she much prefers the orc entrance to the main entrance on the map, which has been drawn with a horrifically large spider coming out of it. I know embellishments like that aren't drawn in proportion, but I can't help comparing it to the map's scale, which makes it look at least a kilometer long.
Sasha: Do you say that out loud? Because Quackers is definitely going to have his blood pumping at a chance to see a kilometer-long monster spider and figure out a way to kill it.
Heddy: Since we have these two knowledge-devouring people in our party, I think I'd be fearful of getting mocked if I said anything about it looking a kilometer long. That's obviously not accurate.
Sasha: Rats. In that case I guess it's fine if we try talking with the orcs.
GM Elle: Are you going to try to have the donkeys haul the cart up to the keep?
MSG: How steep is the way up?
Claire: More importantly, do we want to reveal our loot cart to the orcs and then leave it outside while we go into the cave?
GM Elle: Glinssa thinks that sounds like a terrible idea but is also nervous about being left on her own a significant distance from the party's explorations. The way up to the keep looks steep and is pretty heavily forested at its lower reaches. You'd expect it to be quite a chore to get the cart up there.
MSG: Well that's kind of a pickle.
Claire: Could we use Bushcraft to scout around for a nice secluded clearing nearby that might put Glinssa more at ease?
Akane: This cultist's employment is watching donkeys and a cart. Employment and "ease" have opposite meaning. Why perform extra work to make our worker's work have more ease?
GM Elle: You can roll Bushcraft if you like, but it will take a shift unless you Dragon the roll. You could try to do it more quickly, but you'll have a Bane.
MSG: I'll help so that the Bane is counteracted. But before we go looking I'll tell Zedeja that leaving the cart out in the open is just begging for someone to come along and steal it.
Claire: My roll succeeds pretty easily.
GM Elle: All right, within a stretch, you luck across a natural nook at the base of a hill where rocky outcroppings will hide the cart from either side.
MSG: Then once we get Glinssa and the donkeys settled in, we'll head up to the keep with someone carrying the banner.
Claire: I can do it. But I'll have to drop it to use my staff if it comes to combat.
Sasha: We mostly just need you to heal anyway.
GM Elle: So. Once you get Glinssa and the donkeys tucked away out of sight, you make your way through the thick woods at the base of the hill that the keep is attached to. The slope gets steeper and steeper, until finally you come out in the open space overlooked by the ancient fortress. Around a hundred meters of inclined ground separate you from the stone walls. Almost immediately, you see a figure behind the parapet above point at you and give a cry of alarm. Others quickly join the figure.
Claire: I'm going to raise the banner as high as I can and give it a bit of a side-to-side wave.
Harriet: Wait, though ... should Filvius really be the one carrying that? Don't orcs and elves notoriously dislike one another?
GM Elle: You can make a Myths and Legends roll.
Harriet: Actually, I can't. A 10 is double my skill of 5.
GM Elle: On an out-of-game level, then, I'll just say there's nothing in this campaign or the main rulebook that suggests an unusual degree of hostility between orcs and elves. Orcs don't get along especially well with any of the daylight kin, but elves aren't any more of a problem than dwarves or humans.
MSG: Can we tell if they recognize the banner?
GM Elle: There's some more pointing and gesturing. It looks as though some of the figures now have bows at the ready. But after a minute or so, you see a lone orc coming out of the bottom of a stair on the keep's eastern side.

MSG: I'll give a wave of greeting.
Claire: I don't have a free hand to wave, but I'll start heading up the slope to meet the orc halfway.
Akane: Zedeja says, "Wait! This is unauthorized! Consult your superior first, junior mage!"
Harriet: Dilfriida will step up next to the elf and say, "Zedeja saying not to go is a good enough reason for me to head up with you, Filvius."
Claire: I'll keep walking, then.
Akane: Impertinent halfling.
Heddy: I'm terrified of the orcs, but seeing two of the weaker party members venturing forward, and one of them being Dilfriida, I'll tag along ... fretfully.
GM Elle: Anyone else?
MSG: Dolora won't want to be left out of knowing what's going on, so she'll go too.
Ariel: I'm resting from already hiking so far up the hill.
Sasha: Quackers will hang back.
Akane: Zedeja knows only a small amount about orcs, but she thinks they are warlike. Seeing elves and halflings defying the leader of our group probably means, no respect from orcs. There could be danger to have disrespect of warlike orcs. I remain with our duck knight.
GM Elle: The orc is going downhill, so he's making better speed than you are unless you want to make Agility checks to go faster.
MSG: I'd rather not risk Demoning a roll like that and tumbling all the way downhill to smack into one of the trees.
Claire: It might also appear aggressive. Filvius is for sticking to a normal speed.
GM Elle: In that case, when the orc has covered about half the original distance, he stops and waits for you.
MSG: So, 50 meters from the keep, which according to the rulebook ... is within range of a heavy crossbow and long range for a short bow.
Claire: That's a very pessimistic way to look at someone literally meeting us halfway.
MSG: Maybe Dolora is in one of her dour moods.
GM Elle: As you get closer, within 15 yards of him, he raises a hand and speaks in heavily accented Common. "Why are strangers carrying this orc banner? What business brings you?"
Claire: Filvius says that we found the banner in the basement of an ancient tower in the Haunted Marshes, and determined that it holds the power of the Wolf's Head Nebula.
MSG: Dolora says, "Actually, he's the only one who believes that. The rest of us just know that an orc ghost called it the Banner of Takrûk and said it brings power to an orc leader in battle."
Claire: Filvius gives Dolora a narrow-eyed look. "So you think I'm wrong about the Wolf's Head Nebula?"
MSG: Basically, yeah.
Claire: Well, you could have said something before!
GM Elle: The orc interrupts you. He has an expression of cautious surprise on his face. "The Banner of Takrûk? That clan I have heard of. But this banner -- it is clean and new!"
MSG: We're thinking it might be magical or have some kind of blessing on it.
Claire: D'oh. I never used my Sense Magic trick on it, did I? Wait a minute. I ask Dolora why she didn't have me Sense Magic on it if she thought it was magical.
MSG: And have you learn something about it I didn't know?
GM Elle: The orc says, "Strangers! A banner like this could be important to us. I must ask our patrol's leader, Agra, about it. Speak of your business to me. I will take both pieces of news to Agra for her to ponder."
MSG: I say we've come to explore the cave in search of treasure.
GM Elle: The orc grunts and nods and turns to head back up to the keep.
Heddy: As soon as he's a good distance away, Brandywise will ask if we should retreat back out of arrow range just in case.
MSG: I think if they have longbows, we'd have to go all the way back to the trees and hide.
Claire: Filvius says of course that's the case if they have longbows.
MSG: Does Filvius know that much about bows? Or do you need to roll a bluff?
Claire: I could ask you the same question! But ... my Bows skill is only a 7.
MSG: Mine's 14. What's the GM's ruling on knowing about bows?
GM Elle: Hm. It seems like the weapon skill would be the main way you'd gain that knowledge. But it also feels off to let you roll an Agility skill to know something. Let's say ... make an Intelligence check to know what longbow range is, but you can have a Boon if you make a Bows check first.
MSG: Sweet ... no, spoke too soon, I roll a 19 on my Bows check. Int check is a Dragon though!
Claire: Well, I get a Dragon on my Bows check and two successes on my Int check.
GM Elle: Dragons all over the place. Okay, I'll say both of you surveyed the lay of the land so well against your knowledge of archery that if it comes to either firing or evading a bow shot in this situation, you'll get a Boon on your first roll.
MSG: I guess that's a benefit -- but I hope we don't end up needing to use it.
Claire: I say bring it on! Filvius will always take the chance to show off his knowledge.
Heddy: Brandy meekly suggests that maybe we should not bring it on.
GM Elle: While you're discussing it, the orc makes it back to the keep. He appears to be making very good time, as though he's motivated to be quick.
Ariel: Ooh, maybe that means the banner will really help us make a deal with them!
Sasha: Or maybe he just can't wait to give their bow-orcs the all clear to start firing.
GM Elle: You see that he's calling up to the orcs on the ramparts, then seems to enter a conversation with them.
Akane: There must be shouting to discuss arrowing two know-it-all adventurers from the top of a keep to the bottom. Can we hear?
GM Elle: Everyone who went up to meet the orc can roll Awareness. Everyone at the tree line can roll with a Bane.
MSG: 2.
Claire: 17 fails.
Ariel: Same for me. Foo.
Sasha: A 2 and an 8 for Quackers, so he makes it.
Akane: Zedeja succeeds also, thanks to being so greatly Aware.
Harriet: Dilfriida just misses it.
Heddy: Brandywise just makes it.
GM Elle: All right, everyone who succeeded now needs to roll Languages, because they're speaking orcish.
MSG: Dragon! We're on fire with those tonight.
Sasha: Whoa! Look at this!
Akane: Another Dragon?
Sasha: No, a 2. But my skill's only 4, so I was sure I wouldn't make it.
Akane: My roll is 17, but Zedeja is so startled that a duck might understand while she does not, it makes her Dazed. After Pushing this way, I succeed with 11.
Heddy: I succeed as well.
GM Elle: The messenger is telling the orcs up top that you have the banner of Takrûk, and someone with an authoritative voice answers that "Maladûk will be angry if we can't acquire it for her. What do they want?" He tells her that all you mentioned was exploring the cave for treasure, and in response she orders him to bring you up for her to speak directly to you. He nods and turns your way.
Sasha: Quackers says, "Well, sounds like it's time for us to head uphill, then."
Akane: Zedeja is slow in responding. Still, she is dazed that her ears almost missed what this knight heard.
Sasha: Oh ... uh-oh, I just remembered my great helm gives me an Awareness Bane, which means I should have rolled three dice, not just two. Should I roll the third one now?
GM Elle: No, I hate to back all of that up. Why don't you just say you used your ill-tempered ability to get a Boon on the roll because you were annoyed at things taking so long? That will cancel the Bane from your helmet.
Sasha: Sure. Now I'm down 3 WP and have a Condition, but I guess that's what I get for not remembering that Bane. Anyway, I'll start marching up the hillside.
Ariel: Wait, I was resting and not paying attention I guess. Why are we going up? Dolora and Filvius didn't call us, did they?
Sasha: No, but those orcs are talking about our banner and about making deals, I think, so we need your bargaining skills, Fi-fi.
Akane: Zedeja speaks after a delay. "Yes, hound! It is time to go."
Ariel: All right, if we have to.
GM Elle: As before, the orc will make better time than the characters hiking up from the forested part of the hill to the meeting point, unless you hurry.
Ariel: No way am I hurrying and getting all out of breath when I might need to do some Bartering soon.
Sasha: Are there monsters anywhere in sight? Quackenscrump doesn't care about hurrying if there aren't monsters to kill.
Akane: Still so dazed by a knowledgeable duck. No hurrying for Zedeja.
GM Elle: This time, the orc comes all the way to where the banner is.
MSG: Whew, that's a relief.
Ariel: Why?
Harriet: My assumption as a player is that it indicates the messenger isn't concerned about leaving his comrades a clear line of fire this time. Dilfriida doesn't put that together, though.
GM Elle: Once he arrives, he tells you that Agra wants to talk to you about the banner and about the caves.
MSG: I'll ask him to lead the way, but after the rest of the group catches up.
GM Elle: He waits for Zedeja, Fidu, and Quackenscrump, then heads up to the keep. As you near the fortifications, you see several other orcs descending the stairway. In the lead is a big, well-muscled female orc whose skin shows the scars of many battles. She meets you at the bottom of the stairs and crosses her arms as she sizes you up. "I am Agra," she says. "Varkorr says you intend to explore the caves. Normally, we would warn you away from our encampment in these ruins and tell you to enter the cavemouth to the west. But you carry an orcish banner that interests me. Let us have it and I will grant passage through our keep to the caverns."
MSG: I tell Fidu he's up.
Ariel: I'll say that's a generous offer ... I mean we'd like the banner to be back with its rightful owners. But what if we also agree to trade information too? They could tell us what they know about the caves, and when we come back out, we can let them know if we found out anything else.
GM Elle: She seems agreeable to that. But then she also says, "There is another object we have interest in -- a small statue of black stone. If you find such a thing, or any pieces of it, let us examine it and we may trade you for it if it is the one we desire.
MSG: Uh-oh.
Ariel: Yikes! Um ... I'll ask the group, "Wasn't there somebody in town offering money for pieces of a statue?"
MSG: I'll say, "Yeah, but why drag something all the way back to town if our friends the orcs offer a good price too? In fact, why don't we just say we'll show them everything we find in the cave that we don't want to keep for ourselves, and they can bid on anything that interests them?"
Claire: Ooh, nice save.
Ariel: I'm not sure I get it, but I guess I'll -- ooh, wait, you mean we do want the statue pieces for ourselves so we wouldn't have to show them to the orcs! That's so smooth! Fidu asks this Agra lady if that sounds good to her.
GM Elle: Go ahead and roll your Bartering to see if you can make that sound as innocent as you want it to.
Ariel: Easy-peasy 13.
GM Elle: Agra agrees to your deal. She says she wishes she had more to tell you, but the scouts they've sent into the caves have not returned. The entrance to the caves at the back of the keep leads to a long stairway down into the darkness, and that's all she and her crew know.
MSG: I'll ask how many scouts they've sent in ... if she doesn't mind saying.
GM Elle: She says one orc went down day before yesterday, an experienced caver and tracker. Then another two were sent last night when the first one didn't come back.
MSG: Then I'll say we'll keep an eye out for them while we're inside.
Claire: I'll hand over the banner since we've made our deal.
GM Elle: She thanks you on both accounts, and then leads you up the stairs to the upper level of the keep. You see a ruined guard-house there, just walls with no roof. The orcs have set up a tarp across the top to give them shelter from the sun. At the back of the area is a dark opening leading into the cave. And I think this is probably a good place to stop the session, since you could get in the thick of things pretty quickly inside.
Sasha: I hope the thick of things includes monsters.
GM Elle: We'll see. Okay, participation, check. Exploring a new area, check. Defeating a dangerous enemy ... check for Dilfriida, but not really anyone else. Solving an obstacle without violence, definitely. Weaknesses -- I leave that up to you as usual.
MSG: I think Filvius and I kept up our knowledge-hunger competition pretty well.
Claire: Yep.
Ariel: I was for sure lazy several times, and Sash was always going on about monsters.
Akane: Zedeja commanded many times, despite dazedness the last part of the adventure.
Harriet: I'm going to say I don't feel like I was especially thin-skinned tonight, so I'll dock myself. You did a lot better playing faint-hearted, H.
Heddy: Thank you!
GM Elle: Next time, into the cave, then!

april!

sheesh! we're already a whole week into it!

april is a happy month around here. why? because it's the middle name of our most adorable yam, ariel april worthy. it's also the month we first found out she'd be coming to stay with us, so everyone at worthy acres feels it's auspicious as all get-out.

we did have an april shower over the weekend -- the pleasant, pattering kind, not the stormy blustery sort. will it bring may flowers? hopefully not in our yard, because those flowers would be on weeds.

it's spring, and it was cool here today without being chill, which i think is about the most perfect weather you can ask for here in south texas, where we mostly have a very short season of yikes! cold!, followed by a very long season of omg why does it have to be so hot? spring and autumn are even more fleeting than winter, so we have to enjoy them whenever they decide to show up.

i hope everyone has a nice april. and i hope everyone has a person in their lives as nice as ariel april worthy.

and if there's somebody that neither of those is the case for, i sure hope may brings some wonderful flowering for you.

xoxo,
claire

okay folks, i'm getting something off my chest here!

obviously, i'm biased in a big way, but you'd think all star trek fans would be biased in the same way, and apparently they're totally not, because i loved starfleet academy and i guess a lot of fans didn't?

so here's why i think the current trend of hate-campaigning a show you don't like is for small-spirited people. i saw a lot of social media comments while the show was on saying, "i kept hearing how bad starfleet academy was, but then i watched it and it's really pretty good, actually." and i'm betting for every one of those comments, there was somebody who heard it was bad and didn't watch.

which means the hate-campaigning suppressed the viewership, right? did it suppress the viewership by a lot, or by a little? who knows. but what i do know is, the hate-campaigning relied on dishonesty and caused some fans to cheat themselves out of a show they would have enjoyed. maybe it even caused enough people to avoid tuning in that the show's cancellation might have been avoided otherwise.

now what do i mean, it relied upon dishonesty? i don't mean that there was no reason to find any fault with the show. it's a star trek show, guys. you can find fault with every season of every one of them, if that's what floats your shuttlecraft. i also don't mean that it's not okay to speak up if a show isn't your thing.

but the number of people out there calling it "terrible" and full of "awful writing and characters" was nuts. you want to say, "it did nothing for me, and i hate having a star trek show do nothing for me," step right up and say that. also okay is, "i was so disappointed that they did this show about young people instead of a mature show like i wanted based on picard season 3." more power to you, even though picard season 3 was way dumber than starfleet academy.

what's not okay is to say it was terrible and awful and a sin against star trek and absolutely worthless. because nobody who knows anything about writing and has watched a lot of star trek can reasonably reach that conclusion. maybe you loved tos or tng to pieces. maybe ds9 was totally your thing and you thought voyager was even better. and then along comes starfleet academy and you hate it compared to those ones.

that's super!

only you aren't hating it because it's terrible writing. you're hating it because it's not as good as you want it to be, and it doesn't do what you want it to do. how do i know this? because i watched all those other shows too, and the average writing quality on their first seasons (except season 1 tos) didn't even come close to the average writing quality of star trek overall. i love those shows! but their first seasons? lots of lame-o writing. even tos, if you look at the biggest stinkers of season 1, had at least one episode way worse than any of the starfleet academy episodes. (i'm looking at you, "the alternative factor.")

i think a lot of people, if they were being honest and if they took an honest look at the writing in other trek shows, could certainly say, "i hate that i don't love it," or "i hate that it's got such a different tone," or even, "i hate that it's not up to snuff with the best trek, because by now people ought to have learned from the best trek episodes how to do trek at its best all the time." you could even reasonably say, "i hate that it's mediocre television."

but it's not awful and it doesn't have terrible characters, even if none of the characters appealed to you personally. and by spreading that kind of judgment around when it really isn't true, you hurt some of your fellow star trek fans. you convinced some of them not to watch a show they might have enjoyed. and you contributed to the cancellation of a show many people obviously did enjoy.

and if you know that and you're proud of it, you're kind of a bad person. sorry, but you are.

around here, we thought picard season three was crazy dumb. parts of it were super-fun anyway, and it was great to see the old crew get back together, but holy moley did the characters just do the dumbest stuff right and left all season long. i had to elbow msg sometimes because he groaned too loud about the worst moments.

but did anybody around here go online and rant about any of that dumbness?

no.

because what we were seeing other fans post was beautiful. suddenly, for the first time in years, the bulk of the social media discussion about a star trek show was actually people going on and on about enjoying it. they obviously weren't noticing all the dumb stuff ... and that was okay! seeing other star trek fans happy made us happy.

be bigger people, okay? if you don't like it, say you don't like it. but admit to yourself that not liking it doesn't automatically mean it's the worst writing ever, so ditch the exaggeration and just talk about your opinion like it's your opinion and not like it's the unbiased verdict of the cosmic deity of all good writing. don't talk about it like your low opinion of the show means the show's creators are bad people who weren't even trying. anybody who's done a lot of writing knows it's hard. even writers who've done a decent amount of it turn out stinkers from time to time. you being disappointed doesn't mean the writer wasn't sincerely putting in a lot of effort.

okay, beaming up from my soapbox now.

live long and prosper!
claire

secret of the dragon emperor ... part the-big-3-O!

can you believe how long this has dragged on? and we're still shy one statue piece of being able to get the dragon emperor's magic sword to go and explore the culty island in the vale's north end!

GM Elle: Here we go, then. Morning dawns in the town of Outskirt, weakened by the heavy mists that perpetually hang over the Misty Vale. Who thinks they would be up first?
Ariel: Not me!
Akane: Normally, Zedeja. Last night, though, an aged mage had to scribe into her grimoire the "Enchant Weapon" spell learned some time ago. A whole shift of work added to two shifts of travel, so probably she's later than normal for a leader so important to the group.
Harriet: I'm assuming Brandy enticed Dilfriida back to their room relatively early after their bath. But I doubt that means we got to sleep early enough to rise with the sun.
Heddy: Or that waking up necessarily means we're obligated to get out of bed.
MSG: Well, since Dolora is stuck with the shared dormitory for the night, she'll probably head up early to make sure she gets a good spot. So she might be among the first down in the morning.
Sasha: Quackers stayed up drinking pretty late telling everyone about all the monsters the group has killed and how we scared off that dragon on our way back from the giant's place. My Constitution is awesome, though, so I might still be up pretty early. I roll a 3 on a Con check to wake up at basically a normal time.
Claire: Filvius was up late getting that magic lesson from the de-aged hermit, but he probably skipped dinner in the process, so he'd be up early for breakfast.
GM Elle: In that case, eventually everyone trails down and eats breakfast, and not much of any note happens before you're all ready to head out.
Claire: Uhh ... why was it important what order we got up in if nothing was going to happen?
GM Elle: No particular reason.
Akane: Possibly there would be more happenings if different members arrived downstairs first. Annabelle the secretly Leanara cultist made suspicious efforts to discuss statue pieces with Dolora yesterday. If a knowledge-boasting junior mage or an untrustable halfling of crime came down, they might have answered her questions differently than a dour dwarf.
Harriet: That's a reasonable speculation. But wouldn't she have had her chance to query Dilfriida while taking her and Brandy to the bath after dinner?
Heddy: After dinner and a bit of dancing, you mean. And maybe Elle is just playing Annabelle smart enough to realize that Brandy and Dilfriida had their minds on very different things than chatting with a serving maid about their adventures.
GM Elle: I'm not commenting.
MSG: Well, since I'm up early anyway, I'll try to scrounge some information about the best way to get to Oracle Cave. That's where we think Filvius's dream from the fortune-telling spider-kin was pointing us, right?
GM Elle: Yes. Make a Persuasion roll with a boon to try to get the information out of someone.
MSG: My Persuasion is lame. I fail even with the Boon.
Claire: Since Filvy is up early too, I'd notice Dolora digging around for info, and I definitely don't want her getting ahead of me in knowledge, so I'll try too. Whoof, glad that had a Boon because one of the rolls is a Demon. Anyway, I fail too. I'm pretty sure my Persuasion is even worse than Dolora's.
GM Elle: Well, it's pretty clear anyone in the place who has that kind of knowledge also has better things to do this morning than talk to the two of you.
MSG: I guess we'll just have to rely on our map, then. I guess it shouldn't be too much of a problem considering my Bushcraft is 18.
Claire: And Filvius has a 17, although he's not letting on that his is lower than Dolora's. Not that he would believe that's the case anyway.
GM Elle: Before we get to the journey, though, everyone who wants to leave things at the bank needs to mark that on their character sheet. Money can be deposited for two coppers a day, or a strongbox can be rented to hold larger items for a silver a day.
Sasha: Oh, hey. I just realized I've still got this basilisk head from Dead Eyes Cave. Is it in any kind of shape I could maybe sell it to an alchemist or something? Or have it stuffed as a trophy?
GM Elle: It's been pretty close to a week since you killed that thing, so it's really rank by now. You can make a Bartering roll to sell it for 5 gold or pay 10 gold to have it stuffed.
Sasha: I'm lousy at Bartering, and it's a monster trophy, so I'll shell out the 10 gold.
Akane: We must remember such carried monster parts in the future. Zedeja would complain about the smell and insist for a duck to throw them out.
GM Elle: I'll leave that up to the players, unless you carry something really ripe into town where an NPC would notice. Between the bank and the taxidermist and fetching Glinssa, the first shift of the day is done by the time you head west and need to make your first Bushcraft roll.
Claire: I've got the map on my character sheet, so I'll make the roll rather than letting Dolora do it.
Akane: Wait! Zedeja must roll Awareness to know which Bushcrafter is superior so that she can order them to perform navigation.
GM Elle: I'll let you roll Bushcraft followed by Awareness to be able to determine that, since both of them are much better at Bushcraft than you are.
Akane: This is fair. Ah, no need to roll Awareness because in Bushcrafting, I have Demoned.
GM Elle: In that case, you're convinced that neither of them is any good with maps and that your own chance of navigating would be better.
Akane: Zedeja will argue this at each instance of map consulting. Her persistence is excessive.
GM Elle: In that case, Filvius will have a Bane on his Bushcrafting roll.
Claire: No worries. I succeed for the first shift.
GM Elle: Nothing of great concern happens as you're traveling, then. Just countryside rolling by in the valley's mists. You do spot another set of black-robed cultists hanging from a tree at one point. Glinssa becomes visibly nervous at the sight and tugs downward on her sleeve to make sure her tattoo isn't showing.
MSG: Someone really has it in for those cultists.
GM Elle: Do you want to press on for another shift? It will be long after dark when you make camp if you do.
Ariel: Fidu is totally against that. If anybody suggests it he acts like they're crazy.
Claire: Filvius would actually deliberately say we should stop for the night. There's no way he wants to keep putting up with Zedeja's complaints while having to read the map by lamplight, which I assume would turn the Bane into a double-Bane. He'll claim the map shows some areas ahead that look dangerous to attempt in the dark. 
Akane: Bluffery! The junior mage must roll this for it to be believed.
Claire: I fail pretty monumentally, so then I say, "Well obviously Fidu won't want to keep going until midnight, so why don't we just make camp and get some rest?"
Akane: What a scoundrelly junior! This is exactly what Zedeja would have insisted if provided honesty! Be more truthful!
GM Elle: Who's going to be on first watch, then?
Ariel: Not me! Not second watch, either, actually.
Sasha: Quackers has a bottle of booze that he'll volunteer to share a bit of with Dilfriida and Brandywise. Not too much since we'll be on watch. But I need to keep that oath about being drinking buddies.
Akane: Boozing is forbidden for watchers! Do not shirk so brazenly!
Harriet: Dilfriida tells Zedeja that if she doesn't want us to drink, she shouldn't drive us to it with so much nagging.
Heddy: Brandy is a bit concerned that we only have one bottle to last however long this trip takes, so she suggests we could water it down to ease Zedeja's concerns.
GM Elle: Your tent only holds four ... is someone putting out their sleeping furs outside, or will there be a fourth person on this watch?
Akane: Obviously, our suspicious recently cultish employee. Zedeja has no desire to sleep near her.
Harriet: I say I'm sure the feeling is mutual and then turn to our hireling and add, "Right, Glinssa?"
GM Elle: She looks distinctly uncomfortable and says she's okay with being on first watch.
MSG: I'm going to roll Bushcraft to set up the tent, then.
Claire: I'm going to backseat Bushcraft over your shoulder too, to show off my own skills. That should give you a Boon ... right, Game Master?
GM Elle: Right.
MSG: I'm grumpy about it, but apparently I needed the help because one of the dice is a Demon, which would have been bad if I didn't have the second die to succeed with.
GM Elle: First watch passes uneventfully, then. Second watch?
Ariel: Fidu doesn't want to leave his sleeping pelt or the tent ... and it's his tent, so he feels like people should respect that.
Sasha: So somebody's got to sleep on furs outside? I guess I'll do it. That way if any monsters attack in the night I'll be right there ready to get them.
MSG: I'll volunteer to set up Sir Q's sleeping furs, since he's volunteering to sleep outside.
Claire: I'll supervise again.
MSG: Two successes. Looks like I didn't need your help this time.
Claire: We'll have to agree to disagree on that.
GM Elle: Second watch also goes uneventfully. The new day dawns, and everyone needs to mark off a ration. Then roll Bushcraft for the first shift of navigation.
MSG: If Zedeja continues to harass Filvius today, Dolora will volunteer to help with navigation.
Claire: I don't want the help with the Bushcraft roll, but if you could keep her occupied and out of my hair, that would let me avoid the Bane.
MSG: Sure.
Claire: I succeed for the first shift, then.
GM Elle: As the day wears on, you see the western mountains growing every so slightly closer, and can tell that the land around their foothills is more heavily wooded. Then you come across some adventurers -- two elves and two halflings. They look somewhat banged up.
Claire: I'll say hello to the elves in elvish to show off my linguistic versatility.
GM Elle: They return the greeting and ask if you've found the way between here and Outskirt clear.
MSG: I'm going to roll Languages to try to participate in the discussion. A 9 is a success, so I'll say we've had no problems at all.
Claire: We did see some cultists hanging from a tree, though. I'll use some unusual elvish turn of phrase to try to foil Dolora's ability to follow things.
GM Elle: That will be another roll for Dolora, then.
MSG: 11. Still a success. I'll say that's exactly right, but as long as these travelers aren't cultists, they're probably safe from whoever did the killing and hanging.
GM Elle: The don't look entirely reassured. They ask if you're also seeking young Roric to get the reward from his family.
MSG: Is that the kid Gualmond told me about back at the Road's End Inn when he was giving us scoop on Oracle Cave?
GM Elle: You don't recall him giving a particular name.
Claire: I'll say we're on a treasure-hunting expedition actually, but I won't go into more detail than that.
Akane: Zedeja attempts Languages also to follow this elvish jibber-jabber. But! Failure. So she becomes Angry as I push the roll. Anger means a Bane -- oh. The worst result: a Demon.
Harriet: If my Languages skill had any hope of success, I'd roll it just to delight in whatever mistake Zedeja is making.
Heddy: I do roll, out of curiosity. But I fail.
GM Elle: Zedeja thinks the elves are asking to join the party and that Filvius is offering them treasure if they'll come along.
Akane: Absolutely not! We have too many halflings already! This is a magely outburst -- very loud.
GM Elle: The halflings and elves all look put off by that. They say they guess they'll be on their way then and let you go about your business.
Akane: This is allowable.
MSG: I'll try to give them a formal elvish apology for our rude companion. A 5 is a success.
GM Elle: They look a little less ruffled and give you polite nods as they leave. You can go ahead and roll for the afternoon shift's navigation.
Claire: Another success.
GM Elle: You reach the point on the map where the way splits to go southwest toward that area that looks like a mine and northwest toward the cave with the spider drawn by it, which you've assumed is Oracle Cave.
Claire: I'll point us at that one.
GM Elle: Then you enter the Iron Forest and make your way a few kilometers into it before it's time to camp again. Same routine as last time?
MSG: Sure. I successfully set up the tent.
GM Elle: Then a while after sundown, with the second-watch crew all asleep in the tent, I need the first watchers to roll Awareness. With a Bane if you've had more than a bit of the booze.
Sasha: Since we're trying to stretch it as far as it will go, I think we've actually followed Zedeja's advice and watered it down some. I make my roll pretty easily.
Harriet: I do too, surprisingly.
Heddy: I seem to be overly attracted by Dilfriida's charms and miss whatever it is.
GM Elle: Glinssa manages a good roll too. So she, Sir Q, and Dilfriida hear the shuffle of large feet drawing near through the darkness.
Sasha: I jump up and draw my broadsword. "Is that a monster? If it is, come out where I can chop you up!"
Heddy: My tipsy infatuation shatters into quivering fear. "Please don't be a monster, though! We're really not looking for trouble!"
Sasha: We are if it's a monster. "If you're a monster, step up and let's get to it! If you're not, maybe we'll share some of this hooch with you. Either way, you'd better show yourself."
GM Elle: A deep, gravelly voice says, "Drov not a monster. Drink sounds good! But put away sword." You realize that there's a hulking shadow in the trees just outside the reach of your firelight. There may be a hint of glowing yellow eyes, and Dilfriida catches a whiff of a familiar, distinctive stench.
Claire: This doesn't sound good.
Harriet: I hope you're not suggesting it's the reek of troll vomit.
GM Elle: I am actually suggesting that.
Sasha: Quackers isn't putting his sword away. He says, "I don't know, Drov. You look kind of monster-y to me. You sure you're not a monster?"
Heddy: How worried should I be if it's a troll?
Harriet: Filvius and I and a pair of bakers killed one early in the campaign, but it was a rough fight and we both caught a disease from being doused with troll effluent. Also, we learned that they heal every round if they're not in sunlight, so Dilfriida isn't keen to fight one right now. She'll say, "Um ... Sir Q, Drov is talking, right? Maybe that means he or she is just big. Like Glim-Glam!"
Sasha: I'm not very convinced ... but probably in a better mood than normal from the drinking and festivities, so maybe you can Persuade me. I think you'll have a Bane, though.
Heddy: Brandy is desperate to believe it's not a monster, so she'll lend her persuasive abilities to help Dilfriida. That would cancel the Bane, right?
Harriet: Well, if you speak up, Dilfriida will definitely let you take the lead, since she doesn't really feel the group respects her all that much and she can certainly tell you're a much smoother talker than she is.
Heddy: I roll a 6! Oh ... you all saw that, didn't you? It was absolutely a 6 before it slid off that paper and flipped to 19.
GM Elle: The roll is what shows when the die stops moving.
Sasha: I'll role-play it that you came super-close, Heddy. So I don't leap to attack, but I also don't put my sword away. "I'm not letting my guard down until I see you're not a monster, buddy. Come on, let's see you."
GM Elle: Drov takes two lumbering steps closer, and you see clearly that he's a troll, with great tusks and bright, yellowish eyes. "See? Just troll, not monster like dragon or spider in Oracle Cave. Now give drink!" He reaches out a massive hand with long, clawlike nails. You can see that they're caked with some kind of dark filth underneath.
Heddy: Brandy stammers that everything seems just fine and Quackenscrump should give Drov here a swig from the bottle.
Sasha: Damn it. I guess I'd better roll Awareness to see if I believe it's telling the truth about not being a monster.
Heddy: Can my encouragement count as help?
GM Elle: I'm going to make you roll Persuasion with a Bane to do that.
Heddy: Ugh. Now I'm certain to roll a Demon ... no, but the worse roll is a 15, which fails.
GM Elle: Straight Awareness for the mallard, then.
Sasha: What do you know? I actually succeed. Is it being straight with us?
GM Elle: You think so. But all that means is that a troll doesn't think trolls are monsters, and he sincerely would like a drink.
Sasha: Quackers is torn. It's pretty hard to see this smelly, tusky, filthy-clawed thing as not a monster, but I am in drinking buddy mode, and Brandy obviously doesn't want to fight. I guess I'll lower my sword without putting it away and reach out with my off hand to hold the bottle out toward Drov. "Here, give it a swig."
GM Elle: Drov snatches the bottle from you and tilts it up, draining the whole thing in just a few gulps.
Sasha: Hey!
GM Elle: The troll belches and makes a face. "So weak and watery! Why drink this?"
Sasha: Quackers is starting to get his feathers ruffled. "Well, it's all we had, for one thing. And now we don't have anything to drink at all."
GM Elle: He grunts and says, "Drov have much better drink back at cave. You come and I share."
Heddy: Brandy will immediately say, "Oh, I'm so comfortable here by the fire, though. But thank you so much."
Sasha: Quackers thinks it's a pretty win-win offer, to tell the truth. If the troll wants to lure him to his death, he'll get to fight it, and if it's being honest, he'll get some stronger booze. I'll ask Dilfriida and Glinssa if either of them wants to come and back me up.
Heddy: I'm clutching tightly to Dilfriida's arm, if that influences her decision either way.
GM Elle: Glinssa seems hesitant to say the least.
Sasha: I tell her if she's not brave enough to be my wingman at a time like this, she's never going to earn a place getting a full share in the party.
Akane: What? This sounds like unauthorized negotiations!
Harriet: You're asleep.
Akane: The slumber of Zedeja is disturbed by dreams of a duck overstepping a contract that is just for donkey-minding.
GM Elle: The notion of being more accepted by the group or at least getting more pay appeals to Glinssa, and she's also been a bit envious of the liquor bottle being passed around without her getting a share.
Sasha: Well she should have spoken up about that.
GM Elle: She decides to go.
Sasha: That's the spirit!
GM Elle: Drov leads the two of you through the woods for nearly an hour until you reach the dark maw of a cave that opens in the side of a hill. "Cave! Booze inside." The smell coming out of the opening kind of curls your toes. Glinssa suggests that it's a very nice night out, and maybe Drov could bring the alcohol out here instead of everyone going inside.
Sasha: Quackers says that sounds like a fine idea to him.
GM Elle: Drov grunts and lumbers into the cave.
Sasha: I look around to see if there's any wood we could use to set up a fire. We've got a torch, right? I assume we had to light one to see by. I can mark it off my inventory if I need to.
GM Elle: Sure. Make a Bushcraft check.
Sasha: Not even close.
GM Elle: You can have a Boon, because Glinssa would have helped if you told her what you were doing.
Sasha: Still a no.
GM Elle: Drov returns from the gave with an enormous jug, then. When he pops the cork, an almost corrosive smell of potent alcohol fumes out. He tips it up and guzzles from it loudly, then hands it to you. You'll need to make a Strength check to drink from it without spilling it on yourself, because it's so heavy and oversized.
Sasha: No problem. I succeed with a 9 and take a big glug.
GM Elle: In that case, make a Con check with a Bane.
MSG: Here we go.
Sasha: Damn it, you made me waste a Dragon! But the other die is a 13, so I still easily succeed.
GM Elle: The drink is vile and incredibly strong. Just a swallow makes your head spin, but you manage to avoid passing out.
Sasha: I offer the jug to Glinssa.
GM Elle: She raises it to her lips, but the odor makes her eyes cross and she hands it back to you.
Sasha: I'll give it another glug before returning it to Drov. Still a success even with the Bane.
GM Elle: Drov is impressed. Now, your choice here is to keep drinking with him, in which case you're definitely going to pass out soon, or call it a night.
Sasha: Can I ask him what he knows about Oracle Cave, since he mentioned it?
GM Elle: Sure. He says he's never been there himself, but he's heard from other nightkin in the area that it's somewhere to the northeast, and full of giant spiders. He knows there are some orcs living at an old ruined keep that serves the back entrance to the caves. He thinks it's somewhere northeast of the main entrance.
Sasha: I'll keep drinking, then. Unless Glinssa drags me away.
GM Elle: She remains pretty nervous, but Drov seems to be genuinely happy drinking with you, so she'll let you do what you want, in hopes that you'll put in a good word to increase her standing with the group.
MSG: I'll definitely be impressed if she sticks by Quackenscrump with a troll right there even after the duck passes out.
Claire: Me too ... if the troll isn't just waiting for them both to fall unconscious so it can eat the pair of them.
GM Elle: So what do Dilfriida and Brandywise do when the night continues to pass and there's no sign of Sir Q and Glinssa returning?
Harriet: I'm more than certain Dilfriida will grow ever more nervous by the hour ... but she also doesn't care to wake Zedeja early, especially since she's sure to have all sorts of calumny visited upon her if there's still no sign of Quackenscrump when the second watch gets up.
Heddy: Despite some really severe qualms, I'm still new to the group and I think I'd follow Dilfriida's lead. But I probably stay pretty fixated on wondering if our knight and cultist are okay.
GM Elle: Then eventually the time approaches for you to wake the others.
Akane: Outrage! Where is a duck knight? What mischief is underway by a missing cultist?
Harriet: I'll wait for someone else to ask before I relate what happened.
Ariel: If all the noise wakes Fidu up, he'll say they're probably either dead or okay, and it would sure be a waste to go chasing after them whichever one it is. Then he'll go back to sleep.
Heddy: I can't help but imagine other scenarios, though. What if they were attacked by the troll and managed to kill it, but now are too wounded to return? Or what if they had to flee from it and it's hunting them down through the woods and they're lost and can't find us for help?
MSG: It's too bad Fidu wasn't awake when the troll was here. His nose for the truth would have let him know if Drov could be trusted.
Heddy: Oh ... I forgot entirely about Heroic Abilities. Mine is intuition, so as soon as I remember it, I'll spend 3 WP to ask the Game Master a question.
GM Elle: Fire away.
Heddy: My question is ... for the safety of our missing party members, does the group need to go searching for them immediately, or will it be just as good to wait for morning?
GM Elle: Just as good to wait for morning.
Heddy: I'll let everyone know that I've had a sudden epiphany on the matter, and it seems more sensible to wait for morning. All of us will be rested then, we'll be better able to follow their tracks than in the dark, and so forth.
Akane: Zedeja considers this dereliction. She attempts arguments to convince our dwarf and elf to search with immediacy.
MSG: I'll say that it seems like two of our smarter party members feel that waiting until morning would be better.
Akane: Neither has more intelligence than Zedeja of Mind!
Claire: Filvius says she's welcome to use her enormous intellect to search after Quackenscrump and Glinssa.
Akane: This reminds Zedeja that no one in this party is good at Bushcrafting, which means searching at night has little chance of results. She tells everyone to be mindful and on guard this entire watch, to prevent sneakage of more trolls upon us.
GM Elle: The rest of the night passes without further interruptions, then. In the morning, Sir Q and Glinssa are still not back. Sasha, you wake groggily and with a spinning, nauseated head to find Glinssa shaking you repeatedly and begging you to wake up. She appears exhausted, and is still holding the burnt-down remnant of her torch. She tells you Drov went into his cave after you passed out, and she hasn't seen him since, but she'd really like to get out of here now that it's daylight. Mark yourself as Sickly and Exhausted.
Sasha: If I was smarter than I am and less hung over, I'd probably be worried that we won't be able to find our way back without Drov's help. But even though that doesn't occur to me, it seems rude to just leave without saying goodbye to our host, and I am a knight with at least some courtly manners, you know. I'll go to the mouth of the cave and call into it for Drov. "Friend, it's morning and time for us to go back to our companions. Are you awake?"
GM Elle: You hear a sleepy rumbling, but then a large creature heaves itself to its feet somewhere in the impenetrable darkness of the cave and comes toward you with slow but very audible steps. Drov's glowing yellow eyes appear in the dark, squinting as though it pains him to look toward the daylight behind you. He says, "Awake now. But why? So bright outside! The burning sun is up."
Sasha: I'll tell him I just wanted to say goodbye and thank him for the fellowship and spirits.
GM Elle: He tells you you're a funny little creature and he enjoyed drinking with you. Then he tells you to wait and turns away into the darkness again. When he reappears and comes closer, you see him holding another jug, not quite as big as the one from last night. He offers it to you as a parting gift and says to share it with others who will appreciate it.
Sasha: I tell him I'll do that for sure. Now I guess we'd better try finding our way back to camp. Do I get a Bane on the attempt from my hangover?
GM Elle: No, you feel terrible but are surprisingly clear-headed the longer you're on your feet.
Sasha: I don't even roll close on my Bushcraft skill. At least it's not a Demon that would get us hopelessly lost.
MSG: If it's light enough, Filvius and I would probably head out to look for tracks as soon as possible to avoid being bossed by Zedeja.
Akane: Too late! She began describing how you must search before sunrise.
MSG: Ordinarily I'd try to show Filvius up, but in this case I'll say I'm happy to assist him so that we can get Zedeja off our backs as soon as possible.
GM Elle: Is it just the two of you heading out?
MSG: Well, right now we're just trying to find tracks. If we come across any, we'll have to discuss what to do about them.
Claire: My roll with a Boon for Dolora's help is ... a double 18. Now that's just the dice mocking me.
MSG: Dolora feels like she should have gotten Filvius to help her instead of the other way around, since 18 would have been a success for me.
Claire: Sure, rub it in.
GM Elle: A normal failure doesn't block all progress, though ... but it does mean you waste the first shift entirely before you manage to find your lost companions. And I think this is a good place to call a halt to the session, so let's do the Experience Questions. Everyone participated. No dangerous enemies defeated. You did explore a new area, though, and overcame an obstacle without violence -- the troll in the case of everyone on first watch, and finding Quackenscrump and Glinssa on everyone else's part. I also think everyone gets the mark for giving in to their weaknesses, so that's four apiece.
Sasha: I'm docking myself the mark for not attacking the troll.
GM Elle: If you say so. I was crediting you for your fatalistic statement that either you'd get to drink with the troll or you'd get to fight it, so it was worth it putting yourself at risk by following Drov into the dark.
Sasha: Oh yeah. Okay, you convinced me. Thanks!

also ... look how easy it is to cheat!

just a followup to point out that last post changed my pattern to 5-7-6, and that already puts me on the path to 72 posts.

and whoa! what do you know? now i've just made it 5-7-7, totally on the way to 76 posts in 2026.

you got this, claire.

xoxo,
claire (from 2026, not that "hi, here to screw you" claire from 2025)

oh no, not 60!

you know, i try not to put pressure on myself about much of anything. i don't have a job to make myself stressed over whether i'm doing it well or not. i don't have relationship stress because i'm one of those super-duperlicious people who gets along with everybody around her just by being herself. i'm there for everybody, and i know i'm doing what i can for my whole wonderful polyfam. i to-o-o-tally stay away from politics and world events every single bit as much as i can.

but dang, i just can't shake this habit of thinking i need to keep up my streak of blogging more this year than i did last year. jeepers, i screwed myself by blogging so much last year! ("hi, claire from 2026! i'm claire from 2025! would you mind bending over so i can give it to you hard with these 79 entries? thanks!")

i mean, i keep saying there's no reason to push myself ... and then i turn around and think, well, all you've got to do to hit 80 entries is average 6.7 posts a month, you know. 

6.7!

i've already done a month with 5 blog entries, a month with 7 entries, and another month with 5 entries, so how hard would it be to get my average up to 6.7? but then on the other hand, if i just keep writing 5 entries a month and then slack by an entry two months, i'll still hit 60 posts for the year, and what's so bad about 60?

not only that, but if i keep going with this 5, 7, 5 pattern all year, that'll be 68, and hot damn-kablam if i couldn't throw one extra in there somewhere to make it 69, which honestly is a much better number than 79.

the point is, keep at it, and whatever happens, it will more or less be all right, okay?

yikes! i didn't plan it, but the heck if this didn't turn out to be a post about somebody i know turning semi-old this year.