elle

so, we're coming up on 16 years since i started this blog, and i've blogged a lot about my yams, mostly msg but a few posts here and there about everybody else ... but the mood struck me tonight to say something about elle.

or to her. or, you know, both.

when you've been with someone for 16 years and never had a fight, that's got to say something, right? and anybody who's read elle's blog knows she's got some sharp edges along with her ever-developing soft side. so maybe you'd be surprised that we've never had a fight, or maybe not if you've read my blog and know that i'm pretty much not the ever-getting-into-a-fight kind of person.

but my point is, for somebody who's wicked smart and wicked sharp and also underneath both of those things actually really vulnerable, elle is not the ever-getting-into-a-fight kind of person either. not only does she not have time to waste on that, she doesn't have time to waste on the kind of person who would want to fight with her either. i'm a little bit tougher in some ways and a little bit more patient too, so if i was into somebody and it turned out they were genuinely argumentative, i could deal. and elle could deal too ... she just wouldn't. she'd be like, "nope. not doing that." and they'd either wise up real fast and learn not to be disagreeable, or they'd miss out on her.

she's going to read this and go, "eh, i think you're building me up too much. what the hell would i even be like, if i hadn't freakin' lucked into this wonderful house full of goofy nincompoops who don't have any interest in fighting? just because i hit the jackpot landing here and just because i'm snarky and not likely to stand for anybody's petty bullshit doesn't mean i'd never get into a few knock-down, drag-outs in some other kind of relationship before i said sayonara and hit the road."

and then i'm going to step in close and put my arms in a circle around her shoulders and look right in those blue blue blue eyes of hers and say, "do you feel that?"

and she'll shiver a little and maybe wrinkle her nose and say, "feel what?"

and i'll say, "you know. that thing you felt the first time we ever looked at each other like this."

and her mouth might give kind of a twitch or she might keep her face real still but i'll hear her breath go a little uneven.

and i'll go on, "it's that thing you saw in my eyes, that sense you immediately had, that knowing that said, 'she's right for me.'"

"okay," she'll say, kind of quietly. "so?"

"the same sense you got the first time you saw msg. the first time you saw sasha. the first time you met aers."

and if she's being her sometimes-brutally-honest self, she might say, "no, with aers it was actually even more." and she'll close her eyes slightly while this vibration runs through her and from her through my arms and into me.

and i'll smile and say, "right. because you knew. you can't help knowing. and if you ever met someone who didn't make you feel that way, you'd say, 'nope, not this one. not worth my time.'"

"so ... what, i'm some kind of perfect-match-sensing psychic? where are you getting this? it's not like you've never seen me make a bad decision."

"no," i'll say. "but i've seen you make six really, really, really good decisions about six really, really good people."

"and you don't think that's maybe fucking on them? what kind of dumbass wouldn't notice that about this gang?"

"any of us," i'll tell her. "you're the only one here who's never had a second of 'hmm, i wonder if this is going to work out?' not about any of us."

"and you have?"

"no," i'll admit. "but the difference is, i'm an optimist. i have this crazy certainty that everything's going to work out. you're miss cynicalsarcasmskepticality. so when you lock eyes on someone and you have no doubt, that means something different than it does for me."

and then she'll pause for a beat, and say, "whatever. anyway, the way you're holding me is getting me super hot and also really bored with this conversation. so you really need to let go and step away a little or shut up and pull in a lot closer."

which is another reason why elle is the never-gets-in-a-fight kind ...

she really knows how to head off an argument.