Tuesday, January 3, 2017

i am such a faily mcfailington failure at this writing thing!

yeepers, two years between chapters???

obviously, i have been big-time slacking.

plus, on top of that, i read back over everything so far, and there is noooooo sign of the sizzle-y sexiness i promised would be in this book!

i am letting you all down, i can tell.

but ...

that's pretty okay!

because i've still got my day job, which is also my night job, which is pretty much the bestest most non-jobby job in the world.

since it's a new year, though, i'm going to be all resolutionary and promise myself i'll be better about novel blogging. i got too hung up in finishing real chapters, i think. making sure they had a real beginning and middle and end.

too much pressure!

so i'm going back to my "just write however much you feel like and call it a chapter and be done with it" approach, which i think worked peachy as a peach pie with extra-peachy peach ice cream on top.

it's going to be a total success, i can tell!

happy new year, everybody!

Chapter Six


Coffee the next morning turned out awful.

For starters, Bitsy was almost late. She got up on time, of course, the way you always do because the dream feed autosyncs with the alarm and eases you to the end of your dream just in time for the buzzer. The problem was, the dream just wouldn't quit after she woke up. The whole time she was getting out of bed, emptying her recycling bin in the toilet, and showering, reality kept fading out and Bitsy kept fading into echoes from the dream feed, with her imagination cut-and-pasting random images from the night across her vision in place of the wallpaper or the shower tiles or even the mirror when she went to blow her hair dry.

One minute she'd be sitting on the can, letting her systems evacuate the processed food from the day before, and the next thing she knew, she and Cord would be swimming in a pool-sized vat of cream, or maybe it was soy milk.

Suddenly, pow, she looked up and there was only ten minutes left on the clock before she needed to get on the train, and her teeth still weren't brushed.

Which meant she had to run to the elevator and then squirm for it to arrive and then squirm some more when it stopped to let more people on from every floor and then run through the lobby and down the street and down the stairs and through the turnstile and over to her platform and just barely through the doors before they shut and the train whisked away. So then there she was, panting and sweaty and probably with her hair all out of whack. The Asian girl with the makeup-application glitch looked at her a little funny, and her knees almost buckled on her. Oh, Loj. I look so awful even she can tell. And then she panicked even more: What's the makeup girl doing on the train? Our normal train isn't for half an hour -- did I lose 30 minutes somehow? Am I already late for coffee?

Then she remembered it was Wednesday, and the makeup-glitch girl was never on the train on Wednesdays. She must take this earlier one instead. Maybe she meets someone for coffee every Wednesday.

But even after confirming the time on her watch she could hardly catch her breath the whole train-ride through. When the doors opened at her stop, she was sure Cord wouldn't be there, that she'd screwed something up somehow and missed him.

Even worse, once she spotted him, it didn't flutter her heart upward, it made it sink instead. His face held this blank look before he saw her, and once his eyes turned her way, the smile he gave her looked pinched, like he'd forced a reload and it hadn't quite gotten there. Then, instead of dreamy spotlights on both of them and a miraculous aisle through the crowd for them to approach each other, Bitsy had to bump and jostle through the same ordinary stream of people cutting across her path as any other day at the station.

"Uh, hi, good morning," she said when he met her halfway.

"Not entirely," he replied, giving his head an eh tilt back and forth. "But it's getting better now. Come on, let's get our coffee."

They moved together through the crowd toward the nearest kiosk. Bitsy felt awkward.

Do I ask what the matter is? What if it's a Real problem, and he doesn't want to say? She gave herself a mental kick. Well then he won't say, but at least he'll know you're concerned, right?

"What got you off to a bad start?" she asked. "I almost missed my train. I bet I look a mess."

They made it to the coffee line and he glanced at her with those brown eyes. "You look great. I just had an appointment later this morning, and they dropped-signal on me." He looked up at the menu for a minute, still seeming distracted. Then he frowned, maybe at himself, and turned again and smiled at her. "I'm glad you didn't miss your train. That would have really been a rotten start to my day."

Smiling back, she thought, Ask what the appointment was. No, that's nosy. Ask about where he works. No, that's nosy too.

"I work at Sitemapson Lincorporated, in the recursive accounts department of traffic tracking," she said. Oh, great. Yawn. "Not that there's anything to say about it."

"Well, there's got to be something to say about it."

She shrugged, wishing she'd asked what kind of coffee he liked instead.

"It's stable, I guess. Never any shortage of traffic to be tracked."

"Or accounts to be recursed, I assume."

She laughed. The line wasn't moving. Some guy at the front seemed to be having trouble making up his mind what to order.

Cord went on. "So what got you into traffic tracking?"

What a weird question. Her eyebrows tried to squeeze down, and she tried to keep them from squeezing. "You know, the usual. I came off the line at the factory like most folks, without any special ambitions or goals. So I went to an assignment house, gave them a chip of my childhood simories and simucation, and the next day they told me there was a position at Sitemapson."

Cord nodded like what she said made perfect sense, which of course it did. But he also looked like it made him think about something else, which why would it? Only about ten percent of androids got the itch to do something particular with their lives from the simories installed at the factory. Surely no one would come pre-programmed with an urgent desire to go into traffic tracking, so obviously she'd gone to the assignment house. He shouldn't have needed to ask.

Then she realized, He's Real. He never had a chip of simories to hand over -- nobody Real would. They must all choose what they're going to do for a living. Or maybe they don't have to work at anything unless they want to.

The line took a step forward. Thank Loj!

"What kind of coffee do you like?" she asked before anything else dumb could come out of her mouth.

"Mocha with a ton of sugar," he said. "How about you?"

For the first time since the morning before, she remembered that she didn't really like coffee and hadn't given a second's thought to what she would order. "Uh, I usually just get the crud from the break room. If I'm going to have coffee. Maybe I should be more adventurous."

"Hmm."

What's that mean, 'Hmm'? I'm cabling everything up. What a doohickey. She opened her mouth, hoping it would help her think of something to say. It didn't, and in another second she would look like an idiot with her mouth hanging open. But luckily the line moved again, and Cord looked away as he stepped forward, and then it turned out he had his own something to say.

"So what do you do, when you're not tracking traffic?"

Oh no. "You don't want to hear. I have the most boring life ever."

He laughed. "It can't be the most boring ever. Yesterday you got hot coffee spilled on you. That's not boring."

"I don't know. I read a lot. And watch old holos."

"What kind?"

Anything I can find about the old days. When there were still people. Should she? Would he like the fact that she had a fixation about Real people? Or would it scare him off?

His phone chimed before she could decide what to say. Taking it out with an apologetic look, he read the screen and grimaced and answered it.

"Cord here. Yes. No, not yet." The line moved some more. "That fell through. I know. No, seriously, they left me hanging. I don't know, I don't think it was ... look, I can't talk about this right now, I'm having coffee with someone. Ten? Yeah, I can be there at ten. Yeah. Okay, goodbye."

He shook his head and put the phone away. "Sorry. One of my colleagues wanting an update."

Is he Real too? "It didn't sound like a very happy call."

A shrug. "Work."

Suddenly, they were at the counter and the barista was asking what they wanted.

Ack! "Two mochas with gobs of sugar!"

She blurted it out and stood staring at the counter guy like he was a door guard at the Department of Evil and she was a holo hero trying an old password to get in and destroy his super-villain boss's super-death weapon.

"What sizes?"

Oh shorts, there's more than one stage to the password ...

"Uh," she said, looking at Cord, "that must have been a tera you spilled on me yesterday? I mean, that I made you spill?"

"Yeah." It came out as much a laugh as an affirmation.

"One tera and one ..." Chip. No way can I get a giga down. Maybe not even a mega. But will it be too obvious how much I hate coffee if I get a kilo? "... and one mega."

She stole a glance at Cord, sure he saw right through her. But he was glancing down at his phone, half out of his pocket and telling him something that brought out another frown.

I guess it's not all autoflow being Real, she thought, turning away so he wouldn't see her seeing him looking at his phone. The coffee guy told her the price and asked for her credit chip, which she handed over.

"Name?" he asked, with the chip extended back to her after a swipe across the reader.

"Bitsy."

"Sugar and stuff's around the corner."

They stepped out of the ordering line and moved over to the hanging-around-for-coffee-to-be-ready cluster near the corner of the kiosk. She could see the cream and sugar stand now, with androids pouring sweetener and half-and-half into their steaming paper cups. Cord's phone had disappeared back into his pocket.

"So ..." She started the word in hopes it would lead to an idea of something to say. Come on, come on ... "Do you get coffee here every day?"

He shook his head. "I'm all over town, depending on what my calendar looks like. Sometimes I even travel out of town."

"Out of town!" Bitsy blinked. "Wow, that must be exciting."

Cord shrugged. "Maybe not as much as you'd think."

"Where do you go? Out to the mines or refineries? To the agro districts?" Oh my gosh, I shouldn't have asked that. Maybe out of town is where all the Real people live.

But Cord just said, "Sometimes."

Wanting to stop herself but not able to, she asked, "What's it like out there?"

He looked apologetic. "I hate to say it, but it's boring. Pretty much exactly like the holos -- robots doing a bunch of work, nobody around but tour groups and the occasional inspector."

Her mouth opened again, but this time she managed to shut it. Then she opened it again, but before she managed to say anything from behind her came:

"Bitsy!"

"Ah!" She just about jumped out of her skin.

"One tera mocha, one mega mocha!"

Oh. The coffee.

They got their cups, Cord's towering over hers, both of them steaming through the little sippy holes in the lids. An unusually wide guy stood square in front of the sugar and creamer stand, not adding anything to his coffee, just stirring and blowing on it and sniffing of it like that was going to tell him whether he'd gotten it sweet enough or creamy enough or both. Ordinarily, Bitsy would not have said anything. But at this point if she didn't say anything to the coffee-blocking dude, she'd have to say something to Cord, and she had no idea what that would be.

"Yeah, um, excuse me, sir? Could we get to the cream and sugar? Please?"

He looked at her, but didn't say anything, since his mouth was apparently too busy blowing across the lip of his cup. But he did move a step to the left, so that he only blocked three-quarters of the counter instead of all of it. She thought, So rude! at him, but didn't say it. And then she realized it was kind of okay, since now there was no way she and Cord would both fit at the stand, giving her still more time to think of things to say.

So what exactly takes you out of town? No, if it's a Real thing, that would be bad. What if I say I've never been to the outskirts, but when I was a kid, we had our lottery number come up and got to spend three days in the Parklands? Factory, this stuff still tastes bad -- how much sugar do you have to put in it? Yeah, the Parklands ... no, no, stupid, why would he care about some implant memories? He's Real. But I could ask if he's ever been ...

She finally got her mocha to where it tasted bearable, like sugary milk with just a touch of burnt dirt thrown in. The wide guy was still stirring and blowing and sipping, so she squeezed around him and let Cord into the spot she'd just left. While he fixed his tera up, she looked around for a table.

Her eyes scanned the little seating area, left, right, left, a little farther left -- oh, no.

Stepping into the end of the line, not more than a half-dozen meters away, was Gigory from work.

Thursday, August 18, 2016

another poem from my sweetie!

There is a place both real
And scarce to be believed
A place sublimely gilt with leaf of soft fulfillment
And in this place I find myself
Whenever your voice sounds

In this place I find myself at passion's touch
And glory's kiss

In this place I find myself when breath comingles,
Turns breathless

In this place I find myself, shown what truths your eyes possess
Reflect
Insist
Confess

This place of hearts
This place of gifts
Where beauty lifts
And love abounds

In this place I find myself
Because you speak to who I am.

By grace of gracious, perfect you
In this place life seems as new.

Monday, June 13, 2016

yep, i'm still here!

i got a poem in my email today! from him, of course. what a sweetie!

a kiss, a hug, a look, a touch

and all the world can have its wrongs.
too much becomes just nothing much
amidst your grace and smiles and songs.

Thursday, October 8, 2015

a poem i wrote for my sweetheart!

i have this dream
all night, all day
it glows the creepy-crawls away
it knows just always how to say
grey skies may clear, they really may
and rainbows come and shining stay
as long as you and i can play

i have this dream
night and day too
it's bright and real
and always true
i call it you
i call it you
you are my dream

just you

Friday, March 21, 2014

Chapter Five


"Recursive accounts department," she said, shrinking into her chair and trying to keep her tone routine. "Bitsy BO9 speaking. Can I help you?"

"Is this the coffee girl?" It was that voice, that only-heard-once voice that she recognized immediately, even though she'd only heard it once, because you don't have to hear a Real voice more than once to know it.

It's him. He's really calling. Say something!

"Ha-ha," she managed, though it came out more like a squeak of terror than a laugh. Maybe he won't notice. She felt her embarrassment code dumping color into her cheeks. "Yes, it's me."

"Bitsy," he said, like he was testing out the sound of it. "Well, it's nice to put a name to the number ... and the coffee invitation."

 Coffee. Coffee. Coffee. "Um, yes, that's me, Bitsy the coffee-inviter. Do you still want to? I mean, obviously you're calling so I'd like to assume you still want to, but I don't want to be rude by assuming."

Okay, now stop saying somethings, because the somethings that are coming out of your mouth are dumb.

"No, I don't think that's rude at all," he said, then laughed. "Really, you don't have to feel so bad about spilling my coffee. If I get to be asked out by a pretty girl, I think it's well worth losing a cup of java. How is your shirt?"

She looked down. "Beige. Or maybe somewhere between beige and off-white. But that's fine, really, I didn't like this top all that much anyway. I'm fine getting rid of it."

"Okay, good," he said. "So when were you thinking?"

"Uh, I don't know, as soon as I get home and can change into something else. Wait -- do you mean when was I thinking of getting rid of the top, or when was I thinking of going out for coffee?"

He laughed again, a deep, healthy laugh. Real. "Either one. I'm in complete suspense about the fate of your outfit, and I'm also looking forward to finding out what you look like when you're not drenched in a steaming hot beverage."

"I can't tonight," she said. "I mean, I can throw the top out tonight, but I can't do coffee. Work is keeping me at least another hour."

"Because our run-in made you late to the office?" Now his voice refreshed from amusement to concern.

"No, no. I wasn't that far off from the shift boot-up. I just, well, there are these reports -- anyway, you don't want to hear about it, it's dreadful and boring."

"Somehow, I doubt it would sound that way with you telling about it. But I don't want to keep you if you've got a late evening ahead of you. Tomorrow morning? Half an hour earlier on the same platform?"

Bitsy's circulator pounded in her chest.

"Hello?" he prompted.

"Oh, yes. Of course, that would be great!"

That laugh again. "Okay, Bitsy BO9. I'll see you then."

She blinked for a moment, then said, "Wait! Wait!"

"Yes?"

"Who are you?"

"Ha, sorry, that was daffy of me. I'm Cord. Cord 76S."

Bitsy could hardly breathe. It wasn't his real name, of course, because he was Real and that was an android name. But it was a name. A name to go with that face, those eyes, that laugh.

"It's very nice to meet you, Cord," she said, quiet and floating in her chair.

"You too, Bitsy. I hope you're not working too much later. See you in the morning."

"Yes, goodnight!"

The phone clicked.

Cord.

Coffee in the morning.

The dream feed was going to get all of this tonight, she knew. It was going to pull the whole day together and synthesize a crazy loop of splashing hot liquid and beautiful brown eyes and embarrassment and moongathering and Gigory's yellow shirt and 6-O-2 reports and Cord's voice, Cord's name, Cord's laugh. And that loop was going to run all the way through to the alarm buzz.

She picked up the pace on her report processing, suddenly blowing past her file capacity with excitement about getting home and getting to sleep.

Cord.

Her Mister Real.

Saturday, March 8, 2014

so i am obviously not going to write the next war and peace!

jeepers, this writing thing is rough! i was going along thinking, wow, i've really gotten a good start going on this book of mine, and then i realized the word processor program was showing me a word count in the bottom corner of the screen and so i asked msg how long a book usually was, and he said maybe 50,000 words for a short one and 100,000 for a medium-ish one and a couple hundred thou for a long one.

so i'm only at like 5% of the way done!

whoosh. guess i'd better get cracking.