i'll probably say something spectacular when he gets home

should i blog today, or should i not blog today?

msg has been totally supportive of my weird semi-obsession with breaking my blogging record for the year while also being totally encouraging about me thinking it's a dumb semi-obsession and it doesn't really matter if i do or don't. since he's out and about today and won't get home till later, it does seem like a great opportunity for me to get in some blogging ... but also a great opportunity to relax and chill with all my girlfriends and demonstrate how not completely obsessed i am even though i'm semi-obsessed.

and you know, he'll be very happy if i've blogged something good today and also very happy if i've been chill about it and just had some nice girl time with everyone instead of blogging.

and i think what's important is, he'll be least happy if i blog something i'm not satisfied with just for the sake of blogging and i admit to him that i kind of forced it and ended up with a not-my-best-blogging post as a result.

BUT!

even if he's least happy about the blogging result, he's going to be super-happy to see me after a long day of us not getting to spend time together.

in other words, there's no version of this blogging story that ends with him not smiling at me and giving me a big smooch and asking how my day was and being legit interested in whatever answer i tell him. which is why i'm basically one of the luckiest people in the world. my only real care in life is whether he and the rest of the worthy yams are happy, and that's something i actually have a ton of control over, as compared to whether i'm a maestro at blogging today or not, which is obviously pretty hit or miss. (okay, i'll admit it, miss.)

and while i've been writing this post, i've been thinking it's another boring post about my boring semi-obsession with my post count for the year and i should just let it sit in my post list for him to read later but not actually ever hit the "publish" button because really, who else cares about reading something like this but him?

but then the follow-up question is, who else do i care about reading this post but him, and the answer is, me. 

i care about me, right?

so yes, it's a dumb post and yes, i'm semi-obsessed, and yes, when the history of blogging gets written by some anthropologist (or dollollollogist) a thousand years from now, this post for sure in no way is ever going to be mentioned unless it turns out civilization collapses between now and then and the anthropodollollologists only have maybe ten existing blog posts to write their history about and this is one of them, but i'm going to post it because i wrote it for me and i care about me.

and when i'm talking to msg about my day once he gets home, i'll get around to this part and he'll tell me he already read the post on his phone while he was out, and he loved it, and he loves me, and dang if i'm not just absolutely the best blogger and girlfriend ever.

and i feel

so

happy

about that right now.

i'm proud of myself for writing this post even if it's dopey and repetitive, and i'm especially proud of myself for being able to land such an amazing boyfriend, and i'm going to have a blast of a day today, and all of it adds up to me almost for sure being ready, when he gets home, to just unload with joy on him as soon as he gets in the door. it's going to be great, and he's going to love whatever comes out of my mouth the moment i see him and say it.

anyhow, if you're reading this, my point is (haha-snort, what a bunch of hoo-ha that i've had any point as i've been writing this!) whatever kind of day you're having or going to have, figure out some small dumb thing you can do for yourself and then feel proud that you did it.

okay, time for me to get going on a spectacular smashtastic blast of a girls' day.

you have a good one too, okay?

xoxo,
claire

a light, loving touch ... or a poke in the ribs?

that man of mine keeps walking this really whack line between "here he goes now, he's about to get all awesomely productive again" and "welp, there's another rabbit hole he's fallen into on youtube, dang!"

like, he totally keeps edging up to getting back to work on his current book, which he's halfway done with and has been halfway done with for maybe four or six months? and he writes some notes and he outlines some stuff and i'm like, yes! here comes the actual writing! 

but then he just gets sucked into some passive digestion of one kind of entertainment or another, anime or tv shows or youtube reaction videos or (i am partly to blame for this) a recent manga binge until i find myself trying to figure out, at what point should i get pushy with him?

i do a lot of sitting on my hands in these cases. it's actually true that sometimes these lazy-ish dawdling periods are secretly allowing something juicy to simmer in the background that i'm not seeing because he doesn't even necessarily know it's happening himself. and then enough stuff will click that everything comes together and he can totally crank on the story until it's done. so i don't want to poke and nudge and clear my throat too much about getting him back on track, because it might just turn out that there's a process going on that will evolve the story into something he can catch fire with, where if he tries to push it instead, he'll end up trudging the plot into a corner that makes him lose his enthusiasm even worse.

so i try to be the gentle, supporting claire who kisses him on the cheek and doesn't ask too many questions like, "what the hell are you doing and why isn't that awesome story getting any longer?!?"

but as a reader, i'm impatient. i love his writing! i want more! and as a girlfriend, i know there is an enormous fulfillment he gets from finishing a project.

so at what point do i stop holding back and say, "hey! we're in lazybones territory now! this isn't process and percolating anymore, you're just slack-crastinating! get to it!"

there are, after all, a number of activities that, if i get pushy about them, we both end up really enjoying.

anyway, long story short, i keep looking at his ribs and getting a really itchy index digit.

the poke is coming, dude! get cracking, or so help me ...

xoxo,
claire

manga!

i want to put in a quick plug for this awesome manga we've been reading around here lately. it's called "my wife has no emotion" and it's about a guy who falls in love with a kitchen robot that he buys because he's so busy at work he doesn't have time to cook. the robot, mina, insists that she is really just an appliance with no emotional capabilities at all, but the guy (who completely lacks experience with real women) decides to treat her as his wife, and they end up having this really sweet, super-awkward relationship that's touching and funny and bizarre all at once. mina never wavers from her stance that she's an unfeeling machine responding only to her programming, and she genuinely believes it's the truth, but she has all these irrational quirks and weird reflexive behaviors that make it pretty obvious she's wrong.

it's endearing as heck and just beautifully drawn. the only problem is that it's sooo quick to read, and the story is so captivating, that we've burned through 6 out of the 7 volumes in less than a month, and that's while deliberately trying not to read more than a couple chapters a week. (there are 6 or 8 chapters in every volume.) luckily for me, it's not just quick to read but easy to re-read too, and because i get so sucked into following the story the first time i read it, the second time i always notice all the ways the art is working that i didn't recognize before.

anyway, if you like manga and weird love stories, definitely check it out!

it's nice to have generous friends!

so today out of the blue my friend davecat offered a possible solution to a problem he knew we were having around here at worthy acres, and dang if that didn't just make me feel really good! it didn't end up being a solution that's currently feasible, but honestly, it doesn't really matter. the size of that particular problem is pretty inconsequential when you put it beside the value of a good friendship.

which i think is generally the right way to weigh your problems in life, right? how well do the good things you have counterbalance them or shrink them down until they feel like they're not that big a deal?

anyway, thanks, davecat!

xoxo,
claire

miss june almost misses june

you ever feel like these days, you just blink and wow, there's another month gone? like, we're almost halfway through june, and this is my first blog post, and it's not because i don't want to blog or i haven't had opportunities ... it's just because i blinked a couple times and dang, we're half done with june.

where does it all go???