wanting

desire ...

yergh!

buddha was always going on about it being the root of all suffering, so i am told, and i am not sure i buy into that, as it is also the root of some pretty good ... rooting, you know. and when it hits you in those waves of heat, that mind-blowing swirl of energy in your chest ... well, that's really hard for me to consider a bad thing, even when there's no way for anything to happen that will wash away the ache.

i have been short on time and opportunity for a lot of my favorite activities lately (or "activities" if you want me to say it like i'm implying something dirty, which I am). so there's this wicked hunger swirling around in my tummy and under my ribs, making my arms feel like they're full of high-voltage electrical wires. and it jumps up and falls back, and jumps up and falls back, and sometimes the jump makes it seem unbearable and sometimes the fall back makes me feel empty and helpless, but in the middle there's this hovering state of energized, unfulfilled appetite.

when it's right, appetite is a promise, not a tease. it says, "yeah, you're hungry now, but that's just going to make it ten thousand times better when dinner is served." as long as you know that your want will sooner or later be satisfied, desire is the foreplay of life.

oh, how i want, right now.

wishes,
claire