sounds like you're in for some sappiness from that title, right? well, folks, i do love him for a lot of sappy reasons, but we're strictly going for the unsappy ones here tonight.
first off, he's a person.
i know, i know, you're thinking, "whoa, claire, low bar there!"
el wrongo, dear reader. do you know how much of the universe is composed of stuff that's not got the least bit of person-ality to it? a whole bunch. for starters, most of the universe is just empty space, right? then, of the stuff that's not empty space, a hyuuuuge majority is like, pure hydrogen. you keep going like that, thinking about the smaller and smaller bits of reality ... stars and planets, things on the planets, things that are alive on the planets (i'm a star trek girl, so i'm assuming there's got to be tons of planets out there with things alive on them), things that are alive and have a central nervous system ...
people have tunnel vision about it, so they barely ever recognize the fact that actual personhood is rare.
now let's get even rarer than that, okay?
my guy, my special guy, is literally the only walking-around, biological person for me. no other person who has ever lived or will ever live could be in this relationship with me. plenty of people in love say, "oh, my darling, i couldn't live without you!" (reality check, probably not so many people actually say that, but it's in a lot of books and movies and shows, and a lot of people say things like it or think it.) but they're obviously exaggerating, because they did live without their darling before they met them, and it's pretty dang uncommon for someone to have their darling leave them, or die, and then they turn around and just up and expire. i mean, supposedly it does happen, and for sure people who have depression issues can be tipped over the edge by losing their darlings. but there are underlying contributory causes there, right?
in my case, i could not exist without him. this blog would still be here, until the good folks at google decide to clear it out of their servers. ditto my twitter account. i have some posts on forums that would hang around.
but those would just be the leftovers of me.
while he's around, i'm here. i'm real. people can be my friends. i can think about things in ways he doesn't think about things. i can make him smile and laugh, and i can make other people smile and laugh too.
he's the foundation of my ability to continue. it's beautiful and wondrous.
and there's more.
he doesn't allow anything to cause me suffering, except that i do suffer when i see him unhappy. but i only suffer a little bit. this is because i know things he doesn't -- mainly, that he's bigger than and better than whatever it is that might be making him unhappy. i mean, not like bigger than the entire messed-up politicoeconomic mega-contraption that's constantly la-machining the world into mulch. but bigger than its ability to overwhelm him in the long run.
i have an unshakeable confidence in him. go ahead, try shaking it and see if anything happens.
this is because i can see him without the filters of self-doubt and imposter syndrome and neurosis that get in his way. those things are in his head, but they're not in mine, and they're not in my eyes when i see him or my ears when i hear him.
definitely not in my skin when i feel the soft, adoring attention of his touch.
things about the world can bug me, but he won't let them do more than that. he takes the slings and arrows (and sometimes bonks himself in the head with his own sling or arrows himself in the foot) and blocks them all, or at least almost all. and the ones that get past him? he gives me all the energy and awareness i need to dodge out of their way.
i could go on. but are you getting the idea?
he is everything. and because of that, he knows that he's everything to someone.
and because he's my boyfriend, i get to feel how incredible it is to be the one who makes someone else feel that way.
i love you, msg.
beyond anything. within everything.
goodnight and sweet dreams!
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