well, for whatever reason, even though we're having a great time in akane's d&d campaign, dcc and the idea of a 0-level funnel adventure popped into msg's head, and he mentioned it, and we said, hey, why not give it a shot? i haven't gamemastered in a while, so i volunteered to be the "judge" as they call it in dcc.
everybody else rolled up 4 characters each! (typing from here on courtesy of msg. thanks, babe!)
MSG:
Canterby Choosers - beggarly urchin
Growler Green - lucky but unpersonable trapper
Indy Biceps - an indentured servant with 16 strength
Klutz O'Stab - an outlaw with poor agility
Akane (who was very excited to play this game she's heard so much about):
Limp Snakish - a guild beggar
Dwimmerlet - a dull and clumsy elven artisan
Quickly Tightrope - a wizard's apprentice with exceptional 18 agility
Tuff Cheese - a rough-mannered mendicant distinguished by having 6 hit points
Ariel:
Clover Under - a grave digger whose birth sign was a lucky clover
Tweeter Cheets - a con artist with "bird song" for a birth sign
Noseele Knowsele - a lucky but intellectually and emotionally underwhelming elven sage
Strongwill Phill - a turnip farmer of extreme feebleness and not much better intelligence
Elle:
Ferze Sniffleskins - a likely-doomed trapper with a 3 stamina and 1 hit point
Foxie Axe - a well-rounded woodcutter whose birth sign was a cunning fox
Argyr Ironskin - a dwarven blacksmith with a decent armor class
Likely Bi-tit - ironically named because she has strikingly well-suited stats for an elven barrister, and thus Elle doubts she'll live to level up
Sasha:
Ouichre Reader - a low-strength elven sage
Zilda Chill - an orphan born under the sign of harsh winter, but with quite a good agility
Snover Dumountain - a dim-witted dwarven apothecary, also born in harsh winter
Plowed Henna - a radish farmer with terrible agility
Hettie:
Maudine Aubergine - an unlucky potato farmer
Cozened Roselyn - a cutpurse with some of the worst stats of the whole bunch
Lune LeFortune - a locksmith with an astonishing luck of 18
Feralia - a halfling chicken-butcher born under the sign "raised by wolves"
(wait! me typing again to give a spoiler alert: the adventure we're playing is "the portal under the stars," which is the introductory module from the rulebook. so as long as you don't mind having it spoiled for you ... let's go!)
Judge Claire: An unruly mob of you folk has gathered at the ruins outside of town by the chill light of night's darkest hour.
Ariel: Ooh! I know this one! It's almost sunup, right? Because they say it's always darkest before the dawn.
MSG: Actually, there's a period of twilight before dawn that's pretty much as long as the twilight after sunset, so people who say that aren't technically being accurate.
Elle: They also say it's always dorkest before the yawn.
Sasha: Burn! Ow, she got you there!
Judge Claire: Not to take sides, but I really was trying to imply more like midnight than closing in on morning.
Ariel: Dang. I was wrong.
Elle: Worse, MSG was right. I hate it when he's right while being so ... mmm ... word please, Hettie?
Hettie: Pedantic.
Judge Claire: Anyway ... midnight! Dark! The ruins outside of town! Some of you were there when Old Man Roberts lay on his deathbed, telling tales of his greatest regret in life. When the stars align just right, he said, a portal opens amongst the ruins beyond town, a portal to a mystical realm glimpsed down a long stone corridor, where motionless shining figures armed with spears gleamed, and flashes of what must be treasure sparkled farther on. Roberts hadn't the courage to explore himself, and has regretted it ever since. But with his rattling last breath, he tells you that the Empty Star is due to rise this very night. If you're brave enough to dare what he could not, who knows the riches you might find.
Ariel: Ooh, Tweeter Cheets is a con artist, so he's probably totally down for some riches!
Akane: My characters include both a beggar and a mendicant. How are these professions different? It's a puzzlement. But how they are the same is, riches have definite attraction for them!
Judge Claire: The strange constellation you were told to watch for rises. Its light falls on three great stones that form an arch, and within the arch a shimmering glow appears and brightens. The portal is open! Through it, you see the long stone hall spoken of by Old Man Roberts. A door lies at the end.
MSG: All right, I'm sending in Klutz O'Stab to have a look at the door.
Akane: So assertive! Is this not a game of rolling initiative?
Judge Claire: There's initiative in combat, but most of the time whoever has the first thing to say gets to go first.
MSG: Anyone coming along?
Elle: My characters are waiting for Klutz to show us which of the floor stones are trapped.
Sasha: Snover Dumountain's not too bright. He'll go in too.
Judge Claire: No one else?
Akane: A pause seems wise. Dwimmerlet gives an encouraging wave to Klutz and Snover the dwarf.
Judge Claire: It's very dim at the end of the hall where the door stands. What are you using to see?
MSG: I've got a rope.
Sasha: Snover's a dwarf, so he can see in the dark, right?
Judge Claire: Technically the rules only give first level dwarves infravision, but that's always seemed wonky to me, so I'll allow it.
MSG: We spent all that time rolling 5d12 copper pieces each during character generation ... can we say we used some of that to buy torches or at least matches?
Judge Claire: Anybody who wants to can make a DC 12 intelligence check to have had the foresight to prep.
MSG: Four no's for me.
Akane: I think only two of my characters have intellect enough to think of it. But they roll 5 and 6.
Ariel: Ooh! I roll a 13 for one of mine -- and it's Noseele Knowsele, the elven sage! That totally makes sense. And Strongwill Phill rolls a 17!
Elle: Likely Bi-tit is my only roll high enough to think of shopping.
Sasha: Plowed Henna makes it for me, barely.
Hettie: 17 for Lune LeFortune and 19 plus 1 is 20 for Feralia.
Judge Claire: Get shopping, then.
Ariel: Uh ... oil flask ... sack ... flint and steel ... torches ... got it!
Elle: Mostly the same for Likely.
Sasha: Plowed Henna gets a large sack and loads up on torches, plus a flint and steel.
Hettie: Lune's purchases run along the same lines. Feralia buys rope to go with her grappling hook.
Judge Claire: Okay, then. Of the two characters in the hallway, only Snover can see the door well enough to make out a pattern of gems set in the door around chest height.
Sasha: When you say "pattern" ... do you mean, like, a pattern even a 5 intelligence can spot?
Judge Claire: Roll for it.
Sasha: 10 after my penalty.
Judge Claire: Nothing strikes you as meaningful about it.
MSG: Can I see a handle? I'll try opening it.
Judge Claire: There is a handle, but the door feels firmly in place.
MSG: Like it's locked? I throw my weight against it and try busting it open.
Judge Claire: Roll strength.
MSG: 19!
Judge Claire: The door bursts open.
MSG: Yes!
Judge Claire: But a searing flash of light also bursts out of the gem pattern. Make a reflex save.
MSG: Oof ... here comes my 8 agility ... 13?
Judge Claire: You save, taking only half of a d8, which comes up on a 3.
MSG: Are you rounding up or down?
Judge Claire: If you spend a point of luck I'll round down.
MSG: Okay, then I'm not dead quite yet.
Akane: Wait! I think this luck deserves explaining, since it is spendable this way!
Judge Claire: Basically, you can spend one point of luck to modify a roll by one point.
Akane: Does this luck return with rest?
Elle: Oh, no, that would be too easy.
Judge Claire: When you spend it, it's gone ... except for thieves and halflings of level 1 or above.
Akane: I will hoard mine with care, then.
Sasha: Did I get roasted too?
Judge Claire: No, just Klutz. In the room beyond the door, Klutz sees faint silhouettes of figures. Snover clearly sees four of them -- armored figures with spears raised as if about to hurl them. They appear entirely motionless, though.
Sasha: I tell Klutz maybe we better wait for some light -- and maybe back a ways from this door. Then I call for some light. "Light!"
Ariel: Strongwill Phill lights a torch and moves up. Noseele too, since she's an elf and can see in the dark.
Elle: My characters will all follow Phill's light in. Likely hangs back toward the rear.
Sasha: The rest of my guys go too.
Hettie: And mine.
Judge Claire: Unless anybody speaks up that they're hanging back, I'll assume everyone goes down the hall to where Snover is.
Sasha: I tell 'em about the speary figures.
Ariel: Can I see the door broken open? Is it like, knocked all the heck off its hinges?
Judge Claire: No, but it looks like it's only hanging on by one of them.
Ariel: What if we take it off and use it as a shield to hide from the spear guys? That's Clover's idea. She's my only smart one.
Judge Claire: Two people could probably get it loose and carry it for cover. Another couple people behind them might get a bit of benefit too.
MSG: Soon as anybody says that, Klutz says, "Yeah, let's go!"
Akane: Limp Snakish is willing to assist in this.
MSG: I'm putting Growler Green in the second row from my bunch.
Ariel: You guys should probably have somebody with a torch along. Strongwill Phill will go if you let her.
Elle: Phill is a her?
Ariel: Yes, it's spelled with two L's.
Elle: I don't see the feminine significance, but okay.
Judge Claire: Okay, let's roll for initiative before you guys go in. Each player rolls for their group, using their highest initiative modifier. You might want to number your squad of characters front to back in the marching order.
MSG: 12.
Akane: 17!
Ariel: I rolled a 20 but I don't want to go first!
Elle: 17.
Sasha: 8.
Hettie: 11.
Judge Claire: Okay, the door brigade moves up. Klutz and Limp, roll strength to get the door loose from its last hinge without dropping it.
MSG: Yech. I roll a 6.
Akane: My roll is a 20, and natural!
Judge Claire: Klutz almost flubs it, but Limp Snakish saves the day. They move into the room with the door, followed by Growler and Phill. Ariel, what do your other characters do?
Ariel: Um ... hang out and get ready to duck if there's any spears coming our way?
Judge Claire: Akane, you're next.
Akane: My characters exhibit caution as well. Let us observe what happens with the door.
Elle: My entire crew waits too.
MSG: Canterby's chaotic. He'll stay on Phill's heels. Indy Biceps hangs back with the others.
Hettie: I'm next? I think Cozened Roselyn is the only one with the combination of high risk and low intelligence needed to venture in. She'll be near Canterby.
Judge Claire: And the rest of yours, Sash?
Sasha: No guts, no glory. We're all headed in!
Judge Claire: All right. The room is 25 feet wide with the door in the middle of the wall. It's 20 feet deep, and there's another door on the far wall. The four figures are arranged two to each side of the door. How do you maneuver once you're in, door foursome?
MSG: Growler says, hey, maybe we edge to the left and keep the door angled to block all 4 of them as long as we can, instead of going straight across where the ones on the ends will get a shot at us sooner?
Akane: Limp will obey this idea.
Judge Claire: In you go, then. When you get partway across, the statues throw their spears! We've basically got 6 people in the lead and Sash's 4 behind them. I'll roll this d8. On a 1, it's Limp, 2 is Klutz, 3 or 4 is Phill, 5 or 6 is Growler, 7 is Canterby or Cozened, 8 is one of Sash's crew. First spear -- 3! Phill, it rolls to hit you with ... only a 5 total. Next spear goes for Growler with a 13 to hit. You get +2 to AC for cover.
MSG: That still only gets me to 11 AC.
Judge Claire: 6 points of damage then.
MSG: Well, sucks to be him. First casualty, folks!
Judge Claire: Third spear ... one of Sasha's. Who's your first in line, Sash?
Sasha: Snover.
Judge Claire: 14 to hit, 3 points of damage.
Sasha: Casualty number 2.
Akane: So fatal, this game! Possibly even more than Mothership!
Judge Claire: Last spear is headed for Phill again.
Ariel: Nooo, Phill!
Judge Claire: Another bad roll. You're safe. Everyone who's in the room but not hiding behind the door sees that the statues seem to have pivoted and thrown their spears mechanically, and now are motionless again, with their arms extended in throwing position.
MSG: Klutz is still hiding behind the door just in case.
Akane: Limp Snakish as well.
Sasha: This means free spears, right?
Judge Claire: Two on the floor, two to be pulled out of Snover and Growler's ribcages.
MSG: Canterby calls dibs on the Growler-gut spear. My 3 survivors are divvying up his stuff, too.
Sasha: I'm searching the statues. Anything on 'em?
Judge Claire: Actually, yes. Their armor is scale mail made of beautifully enameled black stone.
MSG: Scale mail? Damn, that stuff's got a good AC, right?
Judge Claire: +4.
Akane: I propose each player who lost a character should gain armor for consoling.
Ariel: That seems fair.
Elle: And the other two suits?
Akane: If initiative still operates, Ariel is first and I follow, correct?
Elle: So now your true colors show, hmm? Lured us in with consoling the victims and then very reasonably slide in the initiative thing that gets you one of the suits?
Akane: I'm showing only a red color of embarrassment that you would think this about your dear Akane!
Elle: I'm joking, of course.
Akane: Possibly I am joking too. Could the red be embarrassment of being caught in connivery? It's a mystery of insoluble.
Judge Claire: All right, time to shut this puppy down for the night, I think. Multiple fatalities makes this a 4 experience point encounter, so everybody write that down.
MSG: Nice.
Akane: So far, I enjoy this game! Maybe if my characters were fatalities, though, I would have enjoyed it less.
Sasha: Hey, early on getting a guy whacked just means your other guys have more stuff and you've got fewer things to keep track of, so it's kind of a win anyway.
Hettie: All I will say is that mathematically speaking, this dungeon had best not have 12 rooms in it, or at this rate no one will live through the end.
Judge Claire: No comment!