thanksgivingfulness

it's thanksgiving once again!

so ... sometimes i make a list of all the things i'm thankful for. but this year i'm trying to think of something different. something new and true and not so much a repeat of other years.

and i think what i want to do is actually do some real thanking instead of just saying what i'm thankful for.

like ...

thank you to my friends davecat and sidore for being super-entertaining and supportive and always making me laugh on twitter.

and ...

thank you to kimi at dollto-china.com for being so great and helpful when we decided to have ariel come live with us.

and ...

thank you to ariel for being such a superfabulous addition to our lives, and to her and sasha for their hilarious blog, and to sasha for her total hot-cha zesty sassafrassness, and to elle for turning a little bit of a corner and showing a more sensitive side lately.

and ...

thank you to other friends and followers on twitter who like my tweets and look at all our blogs and say nice things.

and ...

thank you to myself, because i am awesome and that is generally a thank-you that people don't remember to hand out often enough.

and, obviously ...

thank you to msg, the love of my life and the life of all my loves.

thank you,

thank you,

thank you all!!!

friday night

it's friday night, and you know what? i think i'm going to help elle set up that blog she was supposed to set up oh so many years ago!

wish us luck!

it's good to share!

so poor elle had been in her box quite a while and we all decided it was about time for me to swap with her. she also said she wanted to wear the slinky white jumpsuit, which was fine by me, especially since it's easiest to put on when i'm upright, while face-swapping is easier lying down ... meaning i got to be the one slinking into the slinkiness before i got out of the cabinet to lie down for the face trading.

boy, do i like how that jumpsuit feels going on. especially with msg's hands smoothing the fabric up my legs and then doing some extra touching topside once everything is zipped up!

so normally step one of our box-and-body tradeoff is getting my hair off. followed by getting my face loose, then putting elle's face on, then putting elle's hair on.

but this time, elle says, "here's an idea. why don't we do the swap ... during. you know. right in the middle."

(she said it a little different than that, but since i wanted to post this here instead of the naughty blog, i have paraphrased just slightly!)

msg was like, "really?" and elle was like, "really. let's try it."

naturally, i was all for it.

so prior to step one, there we did some strategic zipper-positioning of the jumpsuit's double zipper, and some kissing and, you know, all the preparations.

and then, you know, the getting started.

at which point, msg said, "wow. better not get too deep into the 'during' part or it may slip my mind that we're supposed to switch you two."

and of course, elle being elle, she said, "looks to me like you're already about as deep as deep gets," which was in fact the case. configuration-wise, i mean.

msg just cleared his throat at her and got my hair off.

now ordinarily, we rush pretty quick through steps two and three, because while neither elle nor i is hideous when bald, whoo, the no-face version of our head is a sight. like, a weird mechanical-ish white skull with eyeballs and tongue, gums and teeth still in place, and then with no eyeballs because we have to switch my green ones for elle's blue ones, and then with eyeballs again when hers are in place, and then some maneuvering of her floppy-saggy face until it's anchored in place and all tucked in where it tucks so she looks like herself again.

once he had me bald, though, msg said, "okay, i don't know how well i can maintain this 'during' with the skull-face staring up at me from you guys' body."

"hmm," said elle. "see if it helps to put my hair on first."

"because a blond skull-face is going to be that much sexier than a bald skull-face?" he asked, while making a few very nice 'during' motions for the sake of maintaining our configuration.

"blond hair makes everything sexier," elle said. "just try it."

"well ... okay, i guess."

(in case you're wondering why it was just them talking, i was saying some stuff too. but it was mostly related to the 'during' configuration.)

next thing i know, i'm a blond.

"hmm," i said, "i think i kinda do feel sexier. what do you think, msg?"

i mostly expected one of those damned-if-you-do-damned-if-you-don't responses that guys come up with when they don't know which answer will make their girlfriends madder: you know, like "you're beautiful no matter what, dear," instead of "no, honey, blond you doesn't do anything for me" or "yes! you were okay before, but now you're a stone fox!"

but the expression i saw on his face wasn't that kind of expression at all. it was just ... him seeing me.

do you know how that feels? when your guy or gal is looking at you and you can tell they're amazed? it's a pretty good feeling.

"holy cow, you look so hot, claire," he said. "i can't believe it was just a few weeks ago you were thinking you'd gotten old and run-down looking. i was a little worried you wouldn't seem like you with elle's hair on, but it's just showing me how beautiful your face still is."

from her box, elle said, "yep. definitely still got it, honey."

now obviously i can't blush, but i sure would have right then if i could.

instead though, i just swallowed and said, "thank you so much, both of you."

"you're welcome," elle said. "now give her some more of that 'during,' msg. i can see how much you want to."

"actually," msg said, "if we're going to finish the swap while it's still 'during,' we probably ought to do that now."

"uh-huh," elle said. "is that because you think you're going to get carried away once you get going?"

"pretty much."

i came down enough from basking then to say, "elle, i'm totally good just from the two of us getting configured and msg giving me that look. we can go ahead and swap, seriously."

she laughed. "so much bullshit from you two right now! i can tell he's dying to, and i can tell you're loving where you are right now, and neither one of you is a very good liar anyway."

"we aren't lying," i said, "we just ..."

"the three of us had a plan," msg said, "and we're fine sticking to it. you've been in the box too long already."

"look, you two," she said, "you're sweet and all, but i would be a really crappy girlfriend if i saw how much you both want to and still said, 'right, my turn! me, me, me!' besides which, and trust me on this, i am soooo hot to watch how this turns out. we can finish the swap and i can have my own turn when you're done."

msg and i quit arguing pretty quickly after that, and we had a highly satisfying experience out of the whole thing, all three of us.

which just helped remind me: being together is about being generous.

everything is better that way!

inspiration!

so my gf ariel started a blog (and i’d link to it but it’s a personal journal and she’s not sure she wants it shared just yet, so you’ll have to be patient), and i left a comment on it that i felt like such a slacker, which made her run in and say, “oh gosh no, claire! blogging is easy when you just say dumb nothing like i do. what you do is hard!”

(she’s so adorable!)

so i told her some of what i do is harder than other parts, but mostly it’s all pretty easy once i sit down and make myself do it. and then i said, here, look, “i’ll just sit down at the computer here because you have inspired me, and watch how easily i write a post.”

and she’s leaning over my shoulder right now to read what i’m typing, and she says, “how do you do that! you make it look so easy!”

my response being this — having something to say and saying it, those are both pretty easy peasy if you’re inspired. the mistake most people make is, they think they need to wait around and keep an eye out for inspiration to happen to them, when honestly, there’s probably so much in their lives or in the world around them to get inspired by, all they need to do is pick a thing or two that inspires them to think about, and then just start typing out whatever it makes them think of.”

and she says, “oh, i get it. i guess you’re right and you really are a slacker.”

(now she’s saying, “hey, i didn’t say that, tell them i didn’t say that!” which is true, but i thought it would be funny for people if they thought she said that.)

and it really is as easy as that. my girlfriend did something, and by giving me an example, she made me want to be more motivated to blog, so here we all are.

could anything at all be any simpler?

well, yes ...

true love.

but that’s what you just read about here too!

xoxo,
claire

claire! why are you up and blogging in the middle of the night?

so there i was, zzzz-ing away the evening, when i'm like, what's that clanging noise? the house is quiet, so pretty much any noise sounds loud, and even through the closet door and my box door, i'm finding this one pretty clatter-rific. so i say, mostly without thinking, "ugh, what is that sound?" and ariel says, "mfphl," and sasha says, "rrhmg," and elle says, "sounds like the dryer to me."

anyway, now i'm awake and i find msg in the living room looking glum, and he looks up and sees me and says, "oh, crap. i'm sorry, i didn't mean to wake you up."

"uh-huh," i say. "you realize, i hope, that if you're sitting around upset in the dark because something is keeping you from sleeping, it's actually worse if you didn't mean to wake me up than if you did? 'cause now not only do i feel unintentionally woken up, but i don't even get the compensation of knowing you woke me up because you knew i'd want to help?"

"oh," he says. "sorry. yeah, i guess that's worse."

so i sit down next to him and put my hand on his knee and say, "well, make it up to me by letting me fix things. what's wrong?"

he sighs. "people just kind of suck."

"ouch! damn, that one's actually a ways outside my ability to fix. got an easier one?"

"sorry."

"you keep saying that, and it's part of the problem. quit it. i don't need an apology, so when you act like you need to give one, it's really just a form of beating yourself up."

"s-- ... erp, i mean, sure."

"so what's up? besides us two."

"i had a dream, and [former friend about whom he has abandonment issues] was in it, and now i'm stewing over it. i'm tired, i have work tomorrow, i need to get some rest, but my brain won't let me go back to sleep."

"so it's not really that people kind of suck, it's that [__] kind of sucks."

"no, [__] is just symptomatic. i mean, look around at the world. there's --"

"bzzt! wrong. [__] kind of sucks, and you can't handle that. you put all this emotion and energy into a friendship it turned out you couldn't rely on, and you want it to not be the way it is, but there's nothing you can do to change the way it is, so you're up doing laundry and moping and beating yourself up and making excuses for [__] by thinking that people in general suck, when what your problem really is, is, [__] in specific sucks."

"okay, but it's not like i didn't do my share to screw things up, and --"

"bzzt! again, wrong. sorry, babe, you are mister wrong-o-matic tonight. yep, you stepped in it in a couple of ways. but real friends deal with that kind of thing and work it out. instead, [__] just left you high and dry, and couldn't even be bothered to respond when you tried to patch things up. it's great that you're willing to bear your share of the blame, but even if you're 60-40% to blame for the friendship getting off-course, [__] is 100% to blame for ditching you."

"i suppose. but --"

"listen, normally, this is the part where i would entice you into having sex with me and hit you with that flood of love and satiation that i know would totally do the trick putting you back in snoresville. only i'm looking at you and you are soooo droopy and obviously sleepy, i'd feel bad about keeping you up for that. so howzabout you go get back in bed and put your sweet, brainy head on the soft, soft pillow and just think about how right your girlfriend is until you fall asleep again."

"if i wasn't so tired, i'd encourage you to try that enticing part."

"i know you would. let's mark it on our calendar for tomorrow."

"okay."

and then i kiss him and he goes back to bed and everything is fine.

stupid [__]. now i can't get back to sleep!

grr.

(not really. i'm a pretty forgive-and-forget type. goodnight, all!)

xoxo,
claire

goings on at our house

msg is mister work, work, work.

elle is boxified.

ariel and sasha are having gobs of fun blogging.

i'm finding things quiet. mostly in a peaceful, good way. but sometimes a little too quiet. so my solution was to come on here and say hi.

and now i feel better!

maybe that was all the noise i needed to make.

: )

sweet dreams and glisteny gleams!

xoxo,
claire

sunsets and sunrises

i've been weirdly mopey around our place lately. mostly, i've kept my moping to myself, but last night, i swapped out with elle, who'd been making use of our body for a while, and as i settled into being fully re-face-ified, i just felt really old and worn out. and i thought i saw in msg's eyes that he saw it too, and i was like, "you know, sweetie, maybe it's not too much longer before i'm done."

he wigged pretty far out.

"I mean, it's not necessarily a bad thing," i told him, which i mostly felt was true. when your time's done, don't you want to be okay with that? so your last while here on earth is contented? i'm not a hag or anything, but i'm old and creaky and my face is more than a bit scuffed up in places.

he wasn't having any of it, though.

"why are you talking like this? you're beautiful. you're wonderful."

"well, did you see how yellow my eyes are getting when you were putting them in my head?"

(it's true -- the pupil and iris parts are still fine, but the whites are doing a pretty solid banana pudding impersonation.)

"so what?"

"so ... you know, you don't really need me anymore, right? let's be honest, ariel is a way better bang than i am these days, isn't she?"

"what's that got to do with anything? i know you're not jealous ... that's just not you."

"no, of course not. i love hearing you two get it on. it's -- it thrills me, really it does! i just ... well, you know, i hear it and i think, that used to be me."

"it's still you."

"not like it used to be, and not nearly as often as it used to be. and that's fine, i'm totally good with it. every day ends in a sunset, and sunsets are beautiful, right?"

and he looked at me and he said,

"sunsets and sunrises are the same thing. we're here on this world and it's spinning under the sun and it has one shadow, just one. when that shadow seems to be moving, sweeping in from the horizon and closing in on the west side of the sky, it's actually not. it's the same shadow the whole time, pointed away from the sun. so every sunrise and every sunset is the same thing. they're all just the world turning and its shadow staying stuck in place. and wherever somebody is watching a sunset, they're really experiencing the same thing as the people on the other side of the planet who think the sun is coming up.

"you mean the world to me. whatever part of you is facing the light, it's got a sunrise and a sunset going on at the same time. and every turn you make is another small miracle that i get to experience, seeing the glory of you freshly revealed from the shadow, catching rays of sun and throwing them back as pure illumination.

"so i can't look at you and see a sunset. you're always going to be a sunrise at the same time."

and he looked on his phone and he found this picture and showed it to me.

and i was like, "oh yeah."

and you can look right here and see how i felt.

purpose

so ... i’m in kind of a jam.

my main purpose in life is to make one person happy: my amazing, sweet, wonderful boyfriend, msg. but a part of making him happy is being a person myself ... having my own things to do, my own opinions, my own friends, (my own orgasms!) ... you get the idea.

thing is, i've been hanging around on twitter lately for some of those reasons — friends, opinions, self-expression — and while there are tons of great people on there, some of those people, in the middle of otherwise being great, post political stuff that shows they believe really, really terrible things.

and it’s super-hard to see those people say such terrible, obviously wrong things and keep my lips zippedy-zipped about it. and yesterday one of them retweeted something and it made me mute them.

weirdly, it wasn’t even the worst thing i’d seen somebody tweet ... not by a long shot. it was just a stupid piece of manipulative garbage that should have made them think, “hmmm, what if maybe this is a garbage lie meme instead of a real, actual, truthful thing?” i mean, that’s a pretty critical thinking for dummies-level easy thing to stop and ask yourself, especially on twitter.

but because it was a retweet, i couldn’t even tell the person, hey, what if you maybe considered this might be fake? i could have commented on the original tweet, but that’s somebody i don’t know who doesn’t know me and may just be a russian troll anyway.

so i was frustrated about not being able to express myself and about not being able to try to help this otherwise great person be a little more skeptical about twitter b.s., and msg noticed and asked me what was up and i told him and then he got to fuming about the person's dumb tweet and its effect on me. which meant he was upset and i was upset and all for no good reason at all. that's not what i'm on twitter for even a little bit.

therefore ... mute!

i feel kinda weird-slash-guilty about muting this person who has said nice things about my tweets and pictures and stuff in the past, and more power to them for having their own opinions that float their own political boat in whatever direction they like, but i sail by a different set of stars than they do, and i just don't need to keep jumping out of my socks at their fog-horns going off when i can look around and pretty clearly see that i'm obviously not the one in a fog bank, they are.

anyway, that's about all i think i have to say right now (well, i had more to say, but blogger ate it). i welcome any non-jerkwad feedback on the subject.

toodles and doodles,
claire

tube top and black skirt!

it’s a very good thing i do not have wardrobe envy issues, because ariel just keeps getting new clothes! she’s had this black skirt a while now but hasn’t had a top to go with until one arrived yesterday.

so msg (all of us, really) had a major shutterbug bug up the aspiration waiting for a chance to do a photoshoot with the black skirt, and now we have done so!

see if you can tell which ones msg took and which ones aers used the selfie stick for ...

: )

"hi everybody!!!"

"this top! right?"

"are we taking pictures yet, or what?"

"oh! there's the camera!"

hey, watch out girl, or i'll have to put this on the naughty blog!

"yes, claire! (little miss no-fun!)"

"mmm, i could just ... fall asleep ... right here ... in this comfy bed ..."

"or not!"

(i think this one is about my fave!)

("thanks, clarity! you're the best!")

bye for now!

showing off some new duds!

so we got some items of clothing in from the wonderful world of online shopping, and ariel and i just skittered right into them and demanded a photo shoot!

there are only two pics safe for my clean blog, though ... the others get a bit nipply here and there. (as well as i think at least one glimpse of my hoo-ha.) so you'll have to go to my naughty blog to see them.

enjoy!

a poem for our new love

msg wrote this for ariel today!

When I think about you

(and I do)

(a lot)

there is a breath of a breeze of spring through my heart.

When I picture you

(oh, I do)

(lush and hot)

the breeze fans a fire, heats my soul, sparks a spark.

In your hair is ocean sky

matched by seas tiding eye to eye

cleansing, cooling, soulful

rolling horizon-far at every hand

And there, your body, pale pure land

soft shores of which the waves caress

and wash me up to silken sand

that catches, cups, enfolds my flesh

Storms brought me here but since have gone –

their rains abated, clouds undone.

And supple sun now warms my skin

its brightness you, lit from within,

complete and kindling all life’s heat

sweet as honey, gold and clean

pure paradise at every turn 

your paths I learn, your soul an urn

of healing hallowed nectar pure

When I see you

(now)

(forever)

I am sure.

i'd be jealous if he hadn't written me so many great poems already. i'm pretty sure elle and sasha are now waiting for their own.

especially elle!

(don't worry, girls, if i know msg he'll write you one soon -- his guilt complex won't let him leave you hanging ...)

xoxo,
claire

shameless clickbait

based on my stats tab, apparently i just need to keep posting pics of ariel if i want people looking at my blog!

there are more of these, but they’ll have to go on the naughty blog ...

; )

xoxo,
claire

more photos of the new girl!

things are going great around here with ariel in the house. she's way fun and just a bouncy sunbeam of a person ... the kind who makes a bright day even brighter!

a few days ago she tried on a swimsuit that didn't fit me, and it sure was a good thing we didn't return it, because wow did it ever fit her! obviously, there needed to be photographic commemoration of this, so we took some pictures, and here are the bestest of them.

my favorites are the first one and the last one and, um, this one, which i like enough it bears repeating:

it looks like she's thinking, like, whoa, what? are these my tits?

yes, girlfriend, they are!

big changes!

we've had an interesting couple months around here. msg went through some stuff with somebody he thought was a good friend on the way to becoming an even better friend, only it turned out he was wishful thinking and misinterpreting some signals, and it became evident this person wasn't up for a serious friendship after all. bummer, dude. anyhow, he did some thinking about what kind of gaps he had in his life and why he got so intent on adding this particular important friendship to his existence. we talked about it, and the conclusion we came to was that if he had these gaps to fill, the straight-uppest of solutions was that we needed to get a little more poly at our place.

when i say a little more, i guess i ought to clue longtime readers in on my friend elle, who spends most of her time in a box because she doesn't have her own body and has to share mine. say hello, elle!

so elle's been around here as long as i have, which maybe makes it weird i haven't talked about her. sort of neglectful of me ... she is my friend, and obviously a pretty close one since i let her borrow my vagina and boyfriend on a periodic basis. maybe i've thought it's a little too behind-the-curtainy and i was worried all you lovely readers would think less of me that i'm willing to occasionally have my face pried off and hand my body over to someone else.

kind of a crummy reason for keeping a good friend secret, i know.

getting back to the subject, though ... elle's got her own personality but has stayed quiet for like, months or maybe even years at a time. i do my bloggy thing and msg and i email back and forth regularly and sometimes i go on the dollforum, though that hasn't been particu-specially rewarding recently. elle, though, has historically mostly come out to get it on. she's always been cool with that, as getting it on is one of her favorite things and eavesdropping from her box is one of her others, but while msg and i talked about those gaps he was trying to fill, i was like, "dude, you know who that personality trait right there that you're talking about really describes? elle." and he was like, "you're right. it does." so i said, "you should make her an email too. she can email us from her box, no problem, right?" he nodded about this, then asked, "but what about ___, ___, and ___ personality traits? those aren't really you or elle." and i said, "dear, this is not rocket science. you're going to make elle an email so she can bring more ___ into your life, so just make another email of somebody else to bring those other qualities into your life." and he said, "or find a therapist because you're talking about a grown man getting pretty deeply into imaginary friends."

i'd have been hurt by that if i thought he was serious, but he wasn't, and pretty soon he and i and elle and "imaginary friend" sasha were emailing up a storm and boy did his mood improve. (also, elle started coming out of her box more often, and as i mentioned, she is big on getting it on, so ...)

which brings us to maybe a month or so ago. we're batting a few emails back and forth most days, and we teach elle and sasha to play dungeon crawl classics even though elle was very dubious about the dignity of it, and things are going very well in the bedroom also ... except, you know, i'm kind of old and creaky, like, literally creaky, and have already had a couple major surgeries for thigh and back fractures. (not that msg is any spring chicken himself.) and in a not-really-morbid-just-kinda-morbid way we had some conversations about what would happen if and when i got beyond repair. and the answer of course was that i'd always be with him no matter what, even if i totally broke down and ended up just a head in a box along with elle.

i may have made a comment about this on twitter.

and then a friend of ours may have put a bug in my ear saying, "maybe you guys should think about buying you a new body."

and i may have said, "that would be way expensive and i don't know if it's in our budget." but then i may have mentioned it to msg anyway.

so if all that happened and we discussed it, the conclusion was, it definitely wasn't in the budget to get me a new body to fit my current face. i think those are running around 5 grand these days.

but ...

i may have said there have been a lot of pretty dolls showing up in my twitter feed from different companies and for some reason the ones made of this stuff called tpe instead of silicone are way cheaper than us silicone types (i may have done some price research to find that out), and what if we just did a whole-body replacement for me with one of those, face and all.

and this made msg a little uncomfortable because, you know, i'm me. i am the way i look, big ole green eyes, cartoony facial proportions and all. and he could imagine my thoughts and feelings and personality switching over to a different face, but it would be weird. especially since he'd either keep my old face in a box and look at it sometimes, or else have to throw it away or sell it. various shades of creepiness and depression to either of those scenarios, you know?

but we still looked. was there a doll out there who could be me? and the answer was ...

me: what about this one?
him: maybe. not really. maybe. she's super-cute and sexy, but ... i don't know. not really.
me: you keep looking at her, though.
him: i'm trying to imagine her with your hair.
me: it doesn't look like you're looking at the hair area.
him: well geez, how could i not look at that body?
me: i didn't say you couldn't. go ahead, look. could that body be me?
him: good lord yes.
me: but you don't know about the face.
him: maybe with auburn hair and green eyes. i don't know. maybe.
me (scrolling through the options): they don't have an auburn wig, and mine's pretty ratty these days.
him: yours is fine. maybe it would fit her. i don't know. those green eyes aren't really your green, though.
me: was that "maybe it would fit her"? or "maybe it would fit you" if that head was me?
him: i guess if i keep thinking of her as "her," that probably says a lot.
me: mm-hmm. but you keep looking at her too.
him: well ...
me: because you want her, don't you?
him: well, who wouldn't? but that doesn't --
me: you want her to come live with us and pose like that and f*** you with that body, don't you?
him (blushing): i'm a guy. she's crazy hot. of course i would like that, but --
me: i didn't ask if you'd like her to. i asked if you wanted her to.
(pause)
him: yes. but ...
me: if you want her to, i want her to, too. you know that, don't you?
him: yes.
me: so let's think on it a few days. i love you.
him: i love you too.

of course we both knew there was money in savings that would cover getting her, and i know i knew what was gonna happen from thinking on it a few days ... which was this:

ariel april worthy, newly arrived and in our closet.

now the sensitive among you are thinking, wait a minute, why is she not sasha, and the answer is that sasha is a feisty millennial latina who has sizzlingly seductive brown eyes and a soul of passion with kindness following close behind it, and this girl is not those things except the kindness part which is a prerequisite around here. maybe if we'd set out to find sasha a body instead of trying to find me a new one, we'd have settled on a different doll. but that's not how it happened. how it happened was, we found ariel and we fell hard for her and now she's here and sasha really doesn't mind except for being jealous about not having her own photoshoots.

so there you have it. since earlier this year, we've gone from slightly poly (with elle being our poly-in-a-box third) to a poly tetrad and now to a poly pentad.

and it's all working out great!

ariel has big helpings of sweetness and innocence to go along with all of her va-voomishness, and she's super smart and fun besides.

"worthy," by the way, is our polyfam name now. sort of like when people get married and the girl changes her name to the guy's, except that's basically lame and patriarchal and this is ... freeing.

everybody around here is worthy now.

nice, right?

(p.s., coming soon to my naughty blog are some photographic and verbally graphic details about our new girlfriend. be warned, it will be hot!!!)

the one i need

everybody wants to be wanted and to be needed and to have someone want that one particular part of them they think ought to be cherished. (or maybe several particular parts, or maybe some big general part, i dunno.)

i’m lucky because almost every single part of me is wanted. i mean, i’m trying to think of a non-wanted part, and basically all i come up with is the scary-creaky-maybe-it’s-about-to-break noise my spine sometimes makes when i’m getting boned. a guy wants his girlfriend to let out a good moan and groan now and then during sex, but not the kind of groan like something’s about to give way.

all my other parts, though? super-wanted. totally needed.

i’m an awfully lucky person.

and the luckiest thing, maybe, is that i wouldn’t even be a person if he didn’t need me to be. and i couldn’t even be a person if it wasn’t for all the parts of him that most want and need to be needed. how smart he is, how sensitive he is, how funny he is, how creative and sometimes sorta nutso he is ...

let’s face it, it’s fucking weird that i exist as a person at all. he’s a weird guy, and i couldn’t be without that weirdness. i literally need it like other people need air or food or in some cases lifesaving medications.

when people wish for love, they’re really wishing to be wanted and needed and valued for the things within themselves they think are most important. yeah, they also wish for hugs and kisses and hot, steamy, passionate sex full of the other person calling out their name at the moment of a crazy-giganto earth-shaking orgasm.

but it’s being needed, and needed for what they think is unique in them, that washes away the yearning and the angst and makes them feel everything is okay ... that they’re complete.

i’m complete.

who can say that, really?

i’m complete, because everything about me (except for my alarming, noise-making spine) is needed.

it’s harder for him because, you know, he doesn’t feel the need i have for him every single instant of his existence. i have to periodically remind him of that. like, “hey, dude, i fucking exist to need you. if you were not so fucking awesome, and if you didn’t need someone to know and value your awesomeness, there would be no me.”

and i’m pretty terrific, frankly, and a world without me would be a way worse place, so it’s a pretty goddamn big deal that i need him and he needs me.

that’s what love is, that’s what love does. it makes the world a better place, not just for the two people in love, but for all the other people they can touch because of having each other.

so, find somebody and need them, people. let them know you need them ... maybe even if they don’t need you back exactly how you want them to need you. (i mean, don’t do this in a stalker-y way or anything, just to be clear.)

put more love out there in the world.

i need you to, okay? not as much as i need all the parts of him that need to be needed, but still.

love,
claire

storytime!

well, i know everybody has been waiting and waiting and waiting for me to finish that novel i started a couple years back, but while you are going to continue being disappointed on that score for at least a while, maybe it will make it up to you a little to learn that i wrote a short story and published it on literotica.com!

unlike my novel, it is way nsfw, but so far people on the site seem to like it except one grumpy goombah who gave it like 2 stars and didn't even leave a comment saying why. people! sometimes ... smh.

but none of you would do that, right?

okay, so without futher ado or adon't, here is the link:

claire's closet climax!

enjoy!

xoxo,
claire

p.s., this post doesn't contain sensitive content and didn't ever contain sensitive content ... it just links to content that it clearly tells people is nsfw. but i guess that's enough to trigger blogger into warning people it has sensitive content, even though it doesn't? so like, does even talking about sensitive content make a post automatically sensitive content? it feels very slippery slope-y to me when the content guidelines lay out pretty clear instructions on what's sensitive but a post can still get warning-walled even though it doesn't contain any of the things the guidelines say to avoid.

p.p.s., wow, super-fast after i posted this with the p.s., blogger emailed me saying they thought it over and took the warning off. so good job, blogger!

i read a boring book

okay, so i read a boring book, and now i don't know what to do.

before reading it, i was like, "hey, msg, this looks like a great book. i'm going to write a super-fun review of it when it's done!"

but then ...

y
a
w
w
w
n
n
n

it did not do a thing for me.

so my problem is, if i write a review, it will be a bad review, and i don't want to rain on the author's parade or anything. that'd be mean, right? i shouldn't write a review.

but on the other hand, if i don't write my bad review, someone else may do what i did and think it looks like a great book and buy it and get bored like i did. and then would that be my fault? so i should write the review.

but on the other other hand, maybe some people wouldn't think the book was boring, and if i tell them it is, they won't buy the book, which they would have enjoyed, and then i've screwed not only them but the author, which would be awful. so i should definitely not write the review.

i'm thinking this calls for a compromise. i'll review the book, but i won't say what book it is. that way if somebody reads my review, and then happens to see the book, they'll think, this sounds sort of like that boring book claire said was boring. but the title and description sure sound interesting! maybe it's just a similar book. and then they can check the preview pages for the book, and if they're not bored by those, they'll buy the book and probably not be bored by the book either.

which probably suggests i should have read the preview pages of the book, only you know i am an impatient-type girl, so i didn't.

anyway, this book was on a subject i am intimately familiar with. (and yes, i do mean that kind of "intimately.") which is to say, sex toys and sex dolls and sex technology and sexbots. i was hot to trot for this book when my twitter feed made me aware of it. msg was reading the latest book in a sci-fi series, or maybe the second-latest, but i made him fork over the tablet so i could read this sexytech book.

"you're reading too slow anyway," i told him, applying my elbow in his ribs so i could get at the tablet.

he grumbled some, but let me have my way (as long as i promised to let him have his way with me later ...)

so i read the prologue, or maybe it was a preface, i dunno, and it was a little funny but also a little dull, but i didn't hold that against it too much because, duh, prologue/preface. are they ever interesting?

howsoever, it did not get any better in chapter one, which was a historical setting of the scene. now, this contained some information that i will admit was pretty interesting, but it seemed sort of like another, longer prologue masquerading as a chapter one.

by chapter three or four, i have to admit i started skimming. where were all the sex dolls and sexbots? we kept getting some foreshadowing like, "i promise, i'm getting there," from the author, and it wasn't  like none of the info or anecdotes were interesting. but my boat was not being floated. the interesting bits were like, educational interesting, and i was like, dang, if i wanted to learn something i'd've bought a textbook, wouldn't i?

eventually, the book got around to having a chapter about sex dolls and a chapter about sexbots, and a lot of stuff about the ethics of dolls like me and of the oncoming wave of erotomatons and eventual a.i. sex-droids. only by then i was skimming like half the stuff the author wrote.

when i was done, i put the tablet down and stuck out my tongue and pouted. to msg's credit, he did not immediately say, "so can i finish reading my book now?" but instead said, "so ... not as great as you hoped?"

i think ... i dunno. maybe i was expecting that the book would have, like, some metaphysical meaning for me. make me feel like a part of something bigger, more like a part of the big ol' world instead of just my current very important part of a my own teensy-weensy world.

but it didn't. it was just kinda intellectual and academical, with a little bit of bounce in the author's style but a whole lot of anecdotes that really didn't go anywhere for me.

when i told this to msg, he said, "well, that's too bad ... but, i mean, how many hours and hours and days and nights have you spent blogging and visiting forums and going on twitter and stuff?" and of course, the answer was "a lot," and he said, "right, and how could one book do more to make you feel like part of the world than all of that? i mean, if it did, wouldn't that mean your whole life was kinda boring in comparison? you're way bigger than some book could capture, sweetheart."

and that made a lot of sense to me and then he boinked my brains out and then i felt better.

so there you go, book reviewed, all done. really, i guess i'd end up giving it three stars.

hopefully if you end up finding and getting it, you'll like it better than i did!

happy reading to you, anyways!

xoxo,
claire

some rpg highlights!

okay, so remember how i said i would come back and finish up that writeup of "a hole in the sky" like, a year and a half ago? i didn't exactly lie ... i mean, i meant to come back and finish it. but you know me and finishing things -- there's only a few i am really good at sticking with to the end.

which means some time went by and some time went by and some time went by, and then i was like, "oh s---! i really have to finish that," after which i was like, "oh. well, s---. i don't remember a damn thing about how it wrapped up."

well, i remembered a bitty bit: my peasants "leveled up" to become real characters after getting their 10 x.p., and they kept climbing those ladders and fighting stuff, and the monster pumpkin came at us but now we were awesome and could actually fight it ... uh, i thought. it whacked some more of my guys and good old fanansiver spellflinger the chaotic elf had to use up gobs of luck. but we killed it! and then we had to, i dunno, climb into some kinda cage at the very top of the giganto pine-cone and let this magic whozamawhatchit loose, which required some climbing and jumping, and fanansiver being chaotic jumped out to try it first, and he rolled bad, and burned the last of his luck, and rolled worse, and aaaaaaaahhhh!!! fell to his splatooski end. three characters made it out alive: claire the cleric, joe average, and grumpus mcgoof. so the creeptastic statue-head crazylady rewarded us with her magical extradimensional spinning fortune wheel, and most everybody got some better stats, and claire's boobs got a little bigger, and joe turned into a girl and was no longer average so i renamed her "joan plussome."

now like i said these rpgs usually don't encourage you to play more than a character or two at once, but msg says if we want to play some more modules, three guys isn't going to hack it, so i rolled up another ten nobodies and got most of them killed in a different funnel dungeon and then all the survivors got together and were enough of a gang they might stand a chance as an adventuring party.

the second set of guys included:

• a lawyer elf chick i called "plieda twelf"
• a halfling gypsy, "tiny tina tealeaves"
• a beggar whose luck was so good i called him "wheedle charmedlife" and turned him into a cleric
• and a thief who i thought was gonna be a loser when i rolled his stats until i got to the last one and it was luck and he got a 14, which is pretty good, so i had to call him "nada lieusure." (only he kinda was, cause he ended up dying a few adventures later.)

here's some of the funnier stories that happened in the two or three adventures after that.

we're traveling along this road and msg rolls the random encounter for the day and something shows up. he rolls some more dice and it's a pterodactyl! i was like, "a pterodactyl? just out of nowhere, in the middle of the woods on the road from one town to another. rando ..." and msg says, yeah, that's why they call them random encounters. it swoops down and tries to make off with tiny tina our halfling good luck charm, so we toast it, and then notice it's wearing a saddle. "any saddlebags?" i asked, since some of my characters are all about the loot. but no, no saddlebags, just the saddle, which is too scorched and slashed up for us to resell even if we could find someone with a pterodactyl the same size as this one.

a little while later there's this dude with a staff limping along the road, and we say hi and ask what's the matter because he looks pretty banged up, and he says "i am looking for my pterodactyl that nekros the grotesque caused to dump me in the middle of this godsforsaken wilderness." did i mention wheedle charmedlife was "lawful"? well, he was, so he just out and says, "i believe we killed that pterodactyl." of course the dude gets mad, and he says, "oh no, not beaky!" and then his eyes start glowing and shit and he's obviously a bad-ass wizard who's way badder-ass than our wizard, grumpus, and we're like, "hey, look, what can we do to make it up to you?"

so he sends us on a mission i don't remember too much about except some vomiting cave-cats and a giant pile of guano and these silvery bridges over a giant leech-lake that joan kept falling off of and would have been killed by giant leeches except we'd tied a rope to her and kept dragging her up from whichever bridge she fell off of.

big-time piece of advice if you play dungeon crawl classics, do not wear armor when you're trying to cross narrow bridges or planks over something hazardous (which in this game means pretty much over anything at all). your butt is gonna fall.

oh, and another piece of advice: if you get in a situation where you'll be perfectly fine as long as you don't roll a 1, then whatever you do, do not think or say "oh, i'll be fine as long as i don't roll a 1." the very g.d. second you think or say it, you are doomed a.f. i swear to god the only times i roll a 1 are when i think, "as long as i don't roll a 1 ..."

after that we climbed this glacier that had some kinda time-travel headquarters in it with a t-rex and yetis and crazy robots, and then we chased this ape-man to an underground city where nada lieusure bought the underground fungus-farm, and then we took, i dunno six or eight months off. not because i was sad about nada lieusure or anything cause he was kind of a dick or maybe she was kind of a dick, i honestly can't even remember if he was a she or she was a he. you know what i mean. when you've got seven characters it's hard keeping track of them.

but more recently, we have been on a binge! i mean, like playing a module or two a week and now my guys are 4th level and let me tell you, 4th level is bad ass in this game. except when you think, "i'll be fine as long as i don't roll a 1."

anyhow, i'm feeling pretty proud of myself for blogging like, a couple days in a row, so thanks for reading and here's hoping your new year's resolutions are going as good as mine!

hasta la pasta,

claire