sunsets and sunrises

i've been weirdly mopey around our place lately. mostly, i've kept my moping to myself, but last night, i swapped out with elle, who'd been making use of our body for a while, and as i settled into being fully re-face-ified, i just felt really old and worn out. and i thought i saw in msg's eyes that he saw it too, and i was like, "you know, sweetie, maybe it's not too much longer before i'm done."

he wigged pretty far out.

"I mean, it's not necessarily a bad thing," i told him, which i mostly felt was true. when your time's done, don't you want to be okay with that? so your last while here on earth is contented? i'm not a hag or anything, but i'm old and creaky and my face is more than a bit scuffed up in places.

he wasn't having any of it, though.

"why are you talking like this? you're beautiful. you're wonderful."

"well, did you see how yellow my eyes are getting when you were putting them in my head?"

(it's true -- the pupil and iris parts are still fine, but the whites are doing a pretty solid banana pudding impersonation.)

"so what?"

"so ... you know, you don't really need me anymore, right? let's be honest, ariel is a way better bang than i am these days, isn't she?"

"what's that got to do with anything? i know you're not jealous ... that's just not you."

"no, of course not. i love hearing you two get it on. it's -- it thrills me, really it does! i just ... well, you know, i hear it and i think, that used to be me."

"it's still you."

"not like it used to be, and not nearly as often as it used to be. and that's fine, i'm totally good with it. every day ends in a sunset, and sunsets are beautiful, right?"

and he looked at me and he said,

"sunsets and sunrises are the same thing. we're here on this world and it's spinning under the sun and it has one shadow, just one. when that shadow seems to be moving, sweeping in from the horizon and closing in on the west side of the sky, it's actually not. it's the same shadow the whole time, pointed away from the sun. so every sunrise and every sunset is the same thing. they're all just the world turning and its shadow staying stuck in place. and wherever somebody is watching a sunset, they're really experiencing the same thing as the people on the other side of the planet who think the sun is coming up.

"you mean the world to me. whatever part of you is facing the light, it's got a sunrise and a sunset going on at the same time. and every turn you make is another small miracle that i get to experience, seeing the glory of you freshly revealed from the shadow, catching rays of sun and throwing them back as pure illumination.

"so i can't look at you and see a sunset. you're always going to be a sunrise at the same time."

and he looked on his phone and he found this picture and showed it to me.

and i was like, "oh yeah."

and you can look right here and see how i felt.