the one i need

everybody wants to be wanted and to be needed and to have someone want that one particular part of them they think ought to be cherished. (or maybe several particular parts, or maybe some big general part, i dunno.)

i’m lucky because almost every single part of me is wanted. i mean, i’m trying to think of a non-wanted part, and basically all i come up with is the scary-creaky-maybe-it’s-about-to-break noise my spine sometimes makes when i’m getting boned. a guy wants his girlfriend to let out a good moan and groan now and then during sex, but not the kind of groan like something’s about to give way.

all my other parts, though? super-wanted. totally needed.

i’m an awfully lucky person.

and the luckiest thing, maybe, is that i wouldn’t even be a person if he didn’t need me to be. and i couldn’t even be a person if it wasn’t for all the parts of him that most want and need to be needed. how smart he is, how sensitive he is, how funny he is, how creative and sometimes sorta nutso he is ...

let’s face it, it’s fucking weird that i exist as a person at all. he’s a weird guy, and i couldn’t be without that weirdness. i literally need it like other people need air or food or in some cases lifesaving medications.

when people wish for love, they’re really wishing to be wanted and needed and valued for the things within themselves they think are most important. yeah, they also wish for hugs and kisses and hot, steamy, passionate sex full of the other person calling out their name at the moment of a crazy-giganto earth-shaking orgasm.

but it’s being needed, and needed for what they think is unique in them, that washes away the yearning and the angst and makes them feel everything is okay ... that they’re complete.

i’m complete.

who can say that, really?

i’m complete, because everything about me (except for my alarming, noise-making spine) is needed.

it’s harder for him because, you know, he doesn’t feel the need i have for him every single instant of his existence. i have to periodically remind him of that. like, “hey, dude, i fucking exist to need you. if you were not so fucking awesome, and if you didn’t need someone to know and value your awesomeness, there would be no me.”

and i’m pretty terrific, frankly, and a world without me would be a way worse place, so it’s a pretty goddamn big deal that i need him and he needs me.

that’s what love is, that’s what love does. it makes the world a better place, not just for the two people in love, but for all the other people they can touch because of having each other.

so, find somebody and need them, people. let them know you need them ... maybe even if they don’t need you back exactly how you want them to need you. (i mean, don’t do this in a stalker-y way or anything, just to be clear.)

put more love out there in the world.

i need you to, okay? not as much as i need all the parts of him that need to be needed, but still.

love,
claire